Running on Empty
by hearmelaugh
Summary: A harebrained scheme designed to show Wolfram that really, Love is All Around, and things blow up in Yuuri's face. He'll see this to the end though, for the blond. AU.
1. Morning breaks with the scent of bread

"Urgh... You know I hate it when you smoke"

"And I hate going hungry. The only way to get food is to get money, and the only way to make money," he blew a smoke ring in the air, and smiled crookedly as Yuuri flinched, "is to work. Working is stressful, princess"

"Don't call me princess!"

Wolfram shrugged, then winced when the sore muscles in his neck began protesting. Despite being occupied with sulking, Yuuri noticed and sighed.

"I'm really sorry, you know, that you have to cover my half of the rent as well. I didn't imagine the company was going to lay so many of us off suddenly". He sat on the sofa, and gestured for the blond to sit on the floor in front of him. Used to this bit of domestic kindness, Wolfram put out his cigarette and dropped with his back against Yuuri's knees.

The blond _hated_ smoking, the stench made his mouth feel dirty for hours after even a single stick, and it wouldn't lessen no matter how often he brushed his teeth or gargled. But the thrilling feeling of doing something outside the norm, something nobody who knew him could imagine he would do, made it a source of relief. Like a rebel without a cause, because sometimes being causeless helped ease tension. For him, at least.

Having to put in extra hours had worn him thin, but the best Wolfram could come up with was a few grumbles when Yuuri asked how he was.

The blond was uncertain why, but working seemingly _forever_ to pay off the bills that they usually shared was better than exchanging Yuuri for a more contributive roommate. He concluded it was because Yuuri was more like a maid than a fellow salary man; he could cook decently, and when he rubbed the aches away _like this_, extreme fatigue felt like a small price to pay to continue being on the receiving end of the nice-ness that is _Yuuri_.

It felt so wonderful, warm hands kneading his back and shoulders, the pain and stress melting away, him melting away, until consciousness was a hazy pink fog and all Wolfram could think of was _mmm_...

The blond jerked upright many many hours later, disorientated and confused. The sun was high up in the sky, but it had been late evening when he had stumbled home from the patisserie, caked in batter and minor agony, cursing the sudden influx of demands for giant, _stupid_ birthday cakes.

_I told Yuuri that it damn near came to me making an open fire to burn that weird potato-cheesecake order, and I took out my cigarette..._

Not the best of thinkers when he first wakes up, it took Wolfram a bit longer to get to where he wanted to.

When he did, he groaned, slapped his forehead, and stood up screaming for the other boy.

_He knows I get sleepy when he does that, why didn't he wake me up? I'm late for the daybreak shift! _

Like a storm Wolfram blew through his room, putting on slacks and sparing little thought as to how he had fallen asleep in his work clothes and woken up in his pajamas. All the while he showed off his amazing lung capacity, bellowing for Yuuri to come and take it like a man.

A dark head popped in at the door, and disappeared when a disgruntled Wolfram threw a roll of dirty socks at it.

Warily Yuuri looked in again, ready to duck for cover should Wolfram lift any other item of unwashed clothing. The throw had calmed the blond down somewhat, and he now stood in the middle of his room, doing the breathing exercises Yuuri's mother had taught him to stop him from letting his emotions go wild.

"Yuuri" he hissed, keeping the movement of his lips to a minimum for fear that his mouth would discover that screaming was fun and decide to take over from his brain. "If I get fired from this job, we'll be living on the streets, and so help me God I will-"

Yuuri waved his spatula reprovingly. "Language, Wolfram. Honestly, you're worse than the gangsters on TV! I've already phoned that slave driver you call a boss; he's letting you have a sick day off-"

"I'm not sick"

Yuuri gave him a _look_, and continued unperturbed.

"-seeing as how you basically fainted yesterday. He's also agreed to pay you more when you work overtime, and I managed to squeeze an agreement out of him. From your 10th cake onwards in a day, you get an additional commission for each cake you bake. Honestly, I can't believe you let him treat you the way he did!"

Had it been anyone else, Wolfram probably would have been looking around for a video camera.

Had it been anyone else, Wolfram probably would no longer have a well-paying job making desserts.

Since it was Yuuri, it made perfect sense that his homicidal boss had given him a raise _and_ a sick day, even though Wolfram didn't meet the requirements for such an occasion (he'd been smugly informed that he'd have to be dying with a sword poking out of his guts, or something similar).

"Yuuri, you know I hate it when you use your wimpy magic against people who aren't immune like me."

Yuuri had walked to the tiny kitchen by then, toasting bread and flipping the omelette. "Wolf, if I had any magic whatsoever, wimpy or otherwise, I'd still be working and you wouldn't have to push yourself past exhaustion to make up for my dead weight. That self-proclaimed lord of everything of yours just needed a talking to."

He slipped an omelette onto an old, chipped plate, and managed to burn the tablecloth in the process.

Wolfram, resigned to being put on forced holiday, sat down and tried not to laugh when he saw the latest addition to the black marks on the plain cloth.

"What were you planning to do today? I've been really curious, Yuuri; what _do_ you do when I'm away at work? Could it be... You're secretly getting high on soap operas? Or are you being a productive little princess and washing up after yours truly?"

They were both at the little, circular wooden table, Wolfram talking around mouthfuls. Yuuri scowled, the effect somewhat ruined by the little black clip he used to keep his bangs off his face when he cooked.

"Well, I've been looking for a job, but since unlike _some_ blond foreigners I could mention I don't have any natural abilities, people haven't exactly been lining up to hire me. Can't say I blame them; I have a feeling my CV isn't worth the paper it's printed on"

Seriousness clouded the usually simple face, and Wolfram groaned. He half-stood from his seat, and slapped the other boy's head.

"Oww!"

"That's what you get for being weird and pathetic all of a sudden! Knowing you, lots of people were probably interested, but I bet you told them to hire the cripple, the old man or the single mother instead!"

Yuuri's face blanched, and Wolfram knew he'd guessed correctly.

"Honestly, you're lucky that I enjoy eating food made by a wimp! What would you do without me? Starve and _still_ be unflinchingly wimpy?"

"I told you I'm sorry-"

Wolfram sighed, and rubbed his head gently. This wasn't the kind of conversation he wanted to have right after waking up.

"It isn't the money. I just wonder what will happen to my best friend if I wasn't here to stop him from being too nice. This... housemate thing is wonderful, but it won't last forever! If you or I had to move, rest assured I will go worrying that you will offer your home to strangers or preach racial unity between warring gangs."

"I'm not that much of an idiot!"

"But you are that much of a wimp. It just so happens that you have hidden powers on your side, and me. Worry about yourself more, because we won't be living together forever!"

"I don't need you to worry about me. I'm capable of doing things on my own, without screwing up!"

"I'm too tired to argue with you, but too worried to go back to sleep on the one day I can actually check up on you. So shush, no more disagreeing with me. Where exactly did you plan to go today?"

Yuuri grumbled and toyed with his fork. His expression said "Like I'm going to tell you, you jerk!", but Wolfram had no doubt he'd spill his secret soon.

_You're a thousand years too young to challenge me in a battle of wills_.

* * *

"A clinic?"

Yuuri looked up from the newspaper clipping, carefully checking the address and the name of the establishment.

"Yup, this is the one. It's open 24 hours a day, and it says here they're looking for a receptionist for the night shift. Look, the pay's pretty good" He pointed out the circled figure to Wolfram, who looked at it dispassionately.

"You sure your frail immune system is up to the challenge, Yuuri? If you get sick, I may just leave you at a hospital to be adopted by a kind-hearted gynaecologist who will try to brainwash you into becoming a girl. Or at least, more of one than you already are."

"Wolfram!"

"I'm kidding. But seriously, your mother entrusted you in my care, and you do fall sick remarkably easily. You sure this won't be even a little bit dangerous?"

Yuuri pushed open the tinted doors and walked in, grabbing Wolfram's hand to pull him in as well.

"You know what they say Wolf, whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger!"

Even though he knew Yuuri couldn't see, Wolfram couldn't resist rolling his eyes.

The waiting room was full of people, children running around screaming, elderly patrons looking frail and worryingly near death, women flipping through magazines, and young men looking like they wished they were somewhere else. In all the chaos a woman with hair so dark it seemed almost..._ green_ marched through the room, filling out forms and barking out orders to harassed-looking nurses. She looked up and saw them, Yuuri executing an awkward finger wave as Wolfram looked on in amusement.

She turned and whispered something to another nurse, and waded through toys and children to get to them.

"Hello, would you happen to be the boy who called me earlier for a position?"

Yuuri's eyes lit up as he remembered the kind voice he had spoken to over the phone. He stepped closer, a brawl between two boys creating so much noise he couldn't hear her clearly.

"Um, yes, hello... I'm Shibuya Yuuri, and you must be Miss Gisela Kleist. Nice to meet you."

Gisela smiled before snapping her head to the side to glare at the fight. She opened her mouth to tell them to behave or else, but Wolfram beat her to it.

Yuuri rubbed his temple, and prayed the parents of the children wouldn't press charges. Despite being a considerable source of the thing, Wolfram _hated_ loud noises. Especially in the morning. And things Wolfram hated were never treated kindly.

The blond had squatted and pulled the two boys apart, holding them by their shoulders. He whispered, but it was still loud enough for Gisela and Yuuri to hear.

"Oh dear, you both have split lips. Let's hope you get a strange virus from the doctor's clinic and everyone dies. Doesn't that sound like _fun_? Now, unless you want me to tell you the many, many things that could get into your bloodstream from that lip of yours, I suggest you quietly go sit with your mothers."

Wolfram smiled his most charming smile in the direction of the watching adults, sweet enough to lull them into thinking everything was perfectly fine. The boys had turned deathly pale and scuttled away, leaving Wolfram to return to his position behind Yuuri, acting as if the little show of ruthlessness was nothing out of the ordinary.

Yuuri was prepared to apologise on his friend's behalf, but Gisela waved it away. Instead she held out her hand to Wolfram.

"Hello, I'm a doctor but just call me Gisela, and I'm basically in charge of everything. Pleasure to meet you. Are you interested in working for me too? Because there will _always_ be a shortage of people capable of shutting other people up."

Wolfram looked a little shocked, then broke into a grin and shook the offered hand warmly.

"Oh, I think you can handle such a small matter with ease, Gisela. Please call me Wolfram, and the pleasure is all mine. If you do hire Yuuri, please look after my wimp."

Yuuri stifled a small scream of horror as a friendship created from similar, violently dangerous behaviour was formed between his oldest friend and a woman who would probably be his new employer. It was a scary sight to behold, the two smiling understandingly at each other.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

While Yuuri was zoned out, imagining the three of them going out for karaoke and Wolfram not paying any attention to him because he was busy telling embarrassing stories about Yuuri to Gisela, Gisela scanned the C.V. he couldn't remember handing her and looked at him scrutinisingly.

"Mr. Shibuya, Mr. Shibuya?"

Wolfram sighed and waved Gisela into silence. He walked closer to the dark haired boy, laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, and called his name softly.

"Yuuri, Earth to Yuuri, come back to the real world please. Or I'll start screaming. Oh yes I will. So snap out of it, the nice lady has something to tell you."

At the sound of the familiar voice, Yuuri broke out of his fear-induced trance. When he burrowed deeply into his own mind, it was hard for him to resurface unless it was his friend that called for him. It was weird, but there wasn't anything _physically_ wrong with him.

Dear I'm-Mrs.-Shibuya-Miko-please-call-me Jennifer had him examined every year to make sure.

"Sorry doctor, he's a bit of an absent-minded wimp. But he's really very nice, and a good, clean worker. He does all of our housework, and he almost never complains about whatever he has to do. It'd be great if you'd hire him"

Gisela smiled at Wolfram, and Yuuri was annoyed.

_Because I don't need him to get me a job, of course!_

"I've already decided that he'd suit the job. But Mr. Shibuya-"

"Just Yuuri is enough, doctor!"

"Then call me Gisela. Yuuri, the hours are very tiring, and can be very hectic or very lonely. You're certain you won't quit halfway, and leave me short of staff?" Her smile widened, now looking predatory, "Because that would make me really angry."

"Could I come and visit him in the early hours if the clinic isn't busy?"

"Hmm... as long as it doesn't disturb his work, you're welcome to keep him company. I don't think anyone would mind seeing you here again, Wolfram."

Yuuri disliked the tone of her voice. She seemed like a perfectly nice, albeit scary woman. And like any normal woman, she found Wolfram irresistible. It wasn't the boy's fault; he hadn't asked to be born with wealth and startlingly good looks. So when women flocked to him, Yuuri always felt bristly and protective. While in possession of a short temper, Wolfram could never deny a woman anything. Yuuri thought it his sacred duty to keep women away, because when the relationship didn't work, it was always Wolfram who felt guilty about it.

Hastily he decided to step in.

"Ah, Wolfram works so much in the day, I wouldn't want you to lose sleep just to come see me! I promise, Gisela, I'll last as long as I can. Thank you very much for this opportunity! Now I'm afraid we have to take our leave, there's some business we have to attend to."

"But Yuuri, there's-"

Yuuri discreetly stepped on Wolfram's foot, and the blond quieted immediately. The threat in his green eyes was clear and burning though, and Yuuri gulped as he tried not to think of the consequence.

He thanked Gisela profusely, promised to show up a week from today, and exited waving at the green-eyed woman, dragging an unresisting Wolfram along.

Some way from the clinic, the hand in his grip was wrenched away angrily, and Yuuri took a deep fortifying breath before he turned to face an indignant blond.

"What the hell, Yuuri? The woman was nice enough to give you a job, and you cut off her offer to let me come see you! And what's this rubbish about us having important things to do? _I_ didn't know I'd be off today!"

Yuuri sighed. It was hard to explain to Wolfram the effect he had on everybody else. Whatever charm Yuuri told the blond he possessed would be scoffed at and brushed off.

Even though Yuuri never exaggerated anything.

"Wolfram, remember you said you'd trust me to make sure you don't become a serial heart-breaker without realising it? Well, Gisela met you for all of 15 minutes and I could just about see the hearts in her eyes! It felt like a scene straight out of a movie. So I had to... to _extract_ you before she decided to ask you out."

Yuuri allowed himself a little "hmmph!"

"You call me a wimp and a princess and other girly things, but _I'm_ not the one incapable of saying no to women!"

Understanding dawned in Wolfram's eyes, before giving way to annoyance and irritation. His mouth was open, a scathing comment on the tip of his tongue, but it went unsaid as the incredible oddness of the situation made itself understood.

At which point he burst into laughter, Yuuri thanking the universe in general that his friend wasn't flaying him.

"Yuuri, please remember that you can't say no to _anyone_. Don't lump me up in the same category as you! But still," Wolfram smiled gratefully, "it was very thoughtful of you to stop me from messing up with your new employer"

Wolfram looked around, getting his bearings.

"Come on, to say thank you I'll treat you to lunch. I go on dates more often than I have lunch with you! There's a restaurant near here that my friend recommended; she said she wanted to take me there, but since we've both been so busy, I don't think she'll mind if I take you there first."

Yuuri groaned.

"Wolfram, you empty-headed blond! You do realise the poor woman meant to go on a date with you there, don't you?"

Wolfram shook his head, a confident smirk gracing his lips.

"That wouldn't make any sense; otherwise it would mean I'm asking you out for a date right now!"

Both boys laughed, and laughed hard, though the joke wasn't terribly funny.

They continued walking, Wolfram gaining a thoughtful expression, Yuuri loath to distract him and disturb the pleasant silence.

"Though your mama would certainly be pleased by such a match"

"Wolfram!"

* * *

A/N: This story is also a long multi-chaptered fic, but it's massively shorter than YSTS (though be fair, it is still in progress…). And whereas that one dealt with like, _loyalty_ and serious things like that, this one is more simple and less... Epic. Hopefully still entertaining though. First chapter is an introduction to them in their AU habitat, and this story has a half-decent plot. I think ;D Dedicated to melodyz07, because I'd promised to post this ages ago then got distracted, and feel really bad that I had to be reminded to get this up. Hope you enjoy. Umm, if all goes well update will be on Saturday. Might be earlier, maybe. Title may not make sense, because I'm horrible at naming things, but future events may make it less inappropriate, heh.


	2. Conclude nap times with lemonade

It was cool in the restaurant, and they managed to get a tiny table by the window. The taste of the cold lemonade Yuuri ordered was a sharp, pleasant contrast to the noonday heat outside.

Noon was his favourite time of day. For Yuuri, it was when everybody would be up and vibrantly alive, yet time slowed the closer it gets to 12, the heat causing people to yawn and stretch and just generally enjoy the feeling of _today_.

He'd mentioned it to Wolfram, on a day much like this years ago, but the blond had laughed.

"Noon can only be considered well-spent if I'm asleep."

With Wolfram, Yuuri suspected the foremost love of his life was sleep. Desserts brought up a close second, and family and friends floated beyond those two positions.

"You know, choose whatever you want. I'll pay for lunch-"

"Don't be a jerk. I already said it's my treat since you stopped me from destroying the soul of the lovely Gisela. Besides, you're broke."

Yuuri frowned. Eating delicious food under these circumstances didn't sit well with him. If his mother knew how much trouble he constantly put Wolfram through... he doubted he would survive. He had a niggling suspicion that his mother liked his friend better than she did him.

"You basically got me a job. And you've paid _all_ the bills this month, and most of last month's. I'm leeching a living off you! I think I should start repaying that substantial debt at some point."

"I work because I like to, and I foot the bills because a very good friend of mine has hit a bit of a rough patch, and a bit of help would be good for him. This friend doesn't actually have to worry about repayment, because I know should I get in trouble, the idiotic wimp would bend over backwards and then some to help me."

Wolfram hit Yuuri on the arm with his menu.

"And you need that money more than I need you to buy me food. You know I don't like it when you get a serious expression like _right now_ and demand equality."

Wolfram returned to reading through the appetisers, continuing unconcernedly.

"Nothing is fair for anyone in this life. You never have to actually hurt yourself just because you want to return every favour I do for you. Yourself first; ridiculously kind-hearted friends later."

Yuuri slowly sipped his drink, watching without seeing the beads of condensation run down the side of the glass. He had never quite got around to drinking alcohol regularly; he got drunk very easily, as Wolfram knew firsthand.

He also got bored when doing schoolwork, and was hopeless at Geography.

Things that Wolfram also knew.

And his dream of furthering his studies to become a teacher. His friend knew this wish of his, the dream he fought to keep from his family. Mainly because they would offer to pay for him, and he couldn't do that to them.

Wolfram seemed to know _everything_ about him; what's more, he seemed to accept all the feeble whines and crazed thoughts Yuuri came up with.

"You really are ridiculously kind-hearted to me, you know. I don't think even lovers treat their partners like this."

Prevented by the table from getting on his hands and knees, Yuuri settled upon placing both palms on the table and bowing till his forehead reached the wood.

"Thank you for all your care Wolfram. I think I would be in a lot more trouble if you hadn't decided to look out for me."

Yuuri straightened then rubbed the back of his head embarrassedly, a faint blush making its way across his cheeks.

"I don't think I thank you enough. Mom would probably insist I follow you around and become your personal maid for the rest of your life."

He looked up, surprised that Wolfram hadn't brushed it aside or made any kind of response whatsoever.

The blond's face was tomato red, and he looked like he couldn't decide whether to scold or laugh.

He settled on a kind of annoyed spluttering.

"Idiot wimp, don't do this kind of thing! It's too weird for me this early in the day to see you bowing to me, and for a bizarre reason too."

Wolfram flicked back his hair, and crossed his arms.

"I should return the gesture; if it weren't for you, I'd be living in a disgusting pigsty right now. And I'd probably have died of starvation. Don't be a wimp and say thank you so flashily again! Part of the bargain for being friends is we don't have to thank each other for every little thing. Otherwise there'd be no time for anything else."

Yuuri smiled his biggest, happiest grin, and Wolfram couldn't resist a tiny quirk of his lips at the adorable sight.

A thought struck him.

"Wimp, how come I've never heard about a single girl whose company you liked?"

He thought some more.

"In fact, I don't think I've heard of a single friend of yours that didn't go to school with us."

Yuuri frowned a little; he'd never thought about it before. Work had never been much fun for him, so he had been polite but quietly distant from his co-workers. As for women... They scared him silly. Whenever he _did_ manage to gather the courage to talk to one he liked, almost any kind of response, including: "Sure! Where would you like to go for dinner?" and "Do I know you?" sent him into one of his dazed trances.

It was easier just to keep to himself, and be polite and kind to everyone.

Then go home and joke and chat with Wolfram.

"I never really thought about it... But I guess I'm too shy to make many friends. And women are just too bizarre for me to understand. It hasn't really bothered me though; I share a home with my best friend."

He shrugged.

"I don't think I need anybody else but you right now, Wolf. Weird eh?"

Wolfram slurped his drink thoughtfully, then nodded.

"It is weird, but to be honest, I like you best too."

"We sound like a pair of old wimps. I don't think it's normal to be this anti-social."

Wolfram shrugged, and waved a waitress over before finally ordering for the both of them.

"We've never really been normal. I don't think it's that fun"

* * *

"Thank you for the delicious meal Wolf!"

"Hmm" Committed to crunching ice cubes, Wolfram just nodded. It was one of his more annoying habits, one he had been scolded for often when he was much younger. His mother had sworn it would destroy his teeth and no one would ever want him for a lover.

Self-centered almost from birth, a young Wolfram had gamely replied that between having to simper at men the way his mother seemed to enjoy doing, and crunching ice, he'd rather lose his teeth.

That had earned him the cold shoulder from his mother for over a week, and it had worried him a bit, the first few days. Then he'd had a discussion with an equally young Yuuri over strawberry popsicles.

"I think my mum wants me to stop chewing ice and find a person to marry"

Contemplatively a young Yuuri had licked his popsicle. After great deliberation, he had reached a solemn, illogical solution.

"I like chewing ice too... If no one else wants to marry you because you crunch too noisily, we can marry each other."

_Good times._

"...Wolf? Wolfram!"

Green eyes snapped out of their daydream, and Wolfram swallowed the melted slush.

"What?"

"I said, is there anything you wanted to do today? After I start working, we won't be at home at the same time often. This'll probably be our last outing in a very long time."

Wolfram spared a glance at his watch, and heaved a reluctant sigh.

"Well, I need to go see Gwen about my account... I guess I could go say hi to mother too while I'm there."

Wolfram didn't have a close relationship with either of his brothers, nor his mother, so Yuuri was a bit surprised by his suggestion. He was glad, however, that Wolfram was prepared to visit his family without needing any prompting.

"Let's go then. And don't worry so much. If they try to keep you there again like last time, I'll pretend to faint and you can make an escape!"

"Not funny, wimp."

* * *

The mansion was large and grand, but from the look on Wolfram's face, one would've thought he was faced with a decrepit hovel. Ancestral, ancient and regal though the place was, Wolfram had few happy memories there, and the very sight of the wrought-iron gates made him want to leave immediately.

Yuuri blocked out any exit, looking unusually stern, arms crossed over his chest.

"Come on Wolf, don't tell me the pyromaniac who threatened to burn down the school unless they gave us a study break is actually afraid of his family."

A small smile, a look of encouragement.

"There's nothing they could say about you that'd be true _and_ awful enough to make you not like yourself, okay?"

_And with that being said,_

Yuuri grinned mischievously, then slowly pressed the doorbell.

The look of unbridled horror swiftly being swamped by a solid mask of arrogance was one Yuuri couldn't see often enough from his damn-near-perfect friend.

A shrill voice screamed through the intercom, and Wolfram winced. Yuuri patted his back emphatically; the noise wasn't much different from what Jennifer made when Yuuri went for a visit.

Never mind that he made a point to visit his parents at least twice a month; his mother never got any less enthusiastic, and Yuuri never seemed to be able to withstand the sound.

"Oh my baby Wolfie, it's you isn't it? Gwennie said you might be coming soon, something to do with your aunt's money. How lucky you are, I was just about to leave for the airport to meet Fan Fan!"

_Fan Fan?_ Yuuri mouthed. Wolfram shrugged, mouth set in a grim line before replying into the intercom.

"It's Wolfram, mother. Do not let me detain you from meeting this man of yours, I just want to speak to big brother. And is Conrad there?"

"Wait, I'll open the gates for you. And silly Wolfie! This is what happens when you don't come see us often enough! Your brother is off somewhere in Europe with Alford to attend a fencing championship!"

A nervous twitch formed on Wolfram's left eye, and Yuuri tried his best not to worsen the situation. Conrad was the only one capable of toning down Cecilie's temperament, and without him Wolfram was usually left standing awkwardly after his mother shoved him into her bosom.

"Damned Conrad said he'd tell me if he ever leaves the country! How am I supposed to stand my mother now?"

Wolfram was furious, and Yuuri knew he didn't stand a chance to pacify things.

_I'll be damned if I don't at least try, though._

"You have my calming presence, Wolfram. That should count for something."

With the groan of old machinery the gates slid open, and Yuuri jogged after Wolfram who had strode in purposefully.

"Thanks Yuuri."

* * *

Celi opened the front door for them, dressed in a frivolous, showy red dress with a deep neckline and slits up to her thighs. Yuuri didn't know where to look without being offensive to either mother or son, so he settled on Celi's hair, the colour similar enough to Wolfram's to make it less scary.

Of course Yuuri got pressed into a suffocating hug when she was done terrorising Wolfram, and he tried his hardest not to breathe or twitch or just _move _in any way.

"Aww, Wolfie you should have said you're bringing this hunk along with you! I'd have made Fan Fan get us later tickets!"

"Mother, let him go please. Yuuri is claustrophobic. You can go first, I just wanted to speak to big brother."

From his position near Celi's chest, Yuuri had an excellent view of her large green eyes, a replica of Wolf's. And when Wolfram had told her to leave so curtly, Yuuri was willing to swear that she had looked so very, very sad.

Before he could even confirm it with himself, air-headed Celi made a swift return.

"Oh very well then, if you're so shy around your mother." She pinched his cheeks, and Wolfram scowled. Hastily she brought her hands back, but Yuuri doubted anyone noticed it but him.

"I'll go now, and I should be back in a month. If you can't contact me, ask Gwennie, he has Fan Fan's emergency number. Love you, Wolf!"

"Goodbye mother."

Both boys turned to face the woman as she left in a haze of perfume, heels clicking on the cobbles as Celi walked to a waiting limousine. She waved at them, but while Yuuri waved back enthusiastically, Wolfram barely suffered a look in her direction.

Wolfram waited until the gates had closed behind the car before turning to enter, mildly surprised to see an arm blocking his entrance. Any contact with his mother left him exhausted, so it was with tired eyes that he faced Yuuri and asked what the hell was the matter now.

Yuuri internally patted himself on the back for resisting the urge to run away when Wolfram snapped at him. He knew better than most people how rough Wolfram could be, but it was a rare occasion to have the blond actually be angry _at_ him. And, though Yuuri couldn't quite explain it even to himself how he knew, Wolfram's anger was usually shallow and quickly dispersed.

Now he looked like he wanted, truly _wanted_ to kill someone.

Yuuri attempted to stand his ground in the face of a glowering Wolfram.

"Wolfram, you were unforgivably rude to your mother just now. You should call her and say sorry, or at least talk like her son and not her... _auditor_ or something!"

"If she had wanted me to treat her like a mother, she should have treated me like a son. Don't try to change me when there's no pleasure to get from it."

Listlessly Wolfram pushed past Yuuri, momentarily being swallowed in the darkness before Yuuri followed and left the sunlight on his back.

* * *

It took 15 minutes of awkward shuffling down long hallways and across giant rooms before they finally found Gwendal, hunched over binders thicker than his arm, scowling at his paperwork in a bright room at the top of a flight of stairs.

Yuuri had long ago given up trying to memorise the layout of the house; had Wolfram's family decided to keep him a hostage in the mansion, he suspected it would take the police days to find him.

Gwendal looked up, a frown Yuuri remembered from the first time he met Wolfram's oldest brother _still _wrinkling his forehead, the spectacles perched delicately on his nose looking ridiculously undersized.

"Hello brother. I'm here about aunt Ru's account?"

A growl was basically Gwendal's greeting, before large hands moved the mountains of paper in search of something. Yuuri and Wolfram shared a look of slight fear, the intensity of said fear increasing proportionally with the time it took for Gwendal to find whatever it was he was searching for. Yuuri was mere seconds away from breaking into nervous laughter when Gwendal straightened, a pile of important-looking papers clenched in his hand.

Further ignoring the two nervous boys, Gwendal gracefully pushed his little glasses up the bridge of his nose, Yuuri stifling a laugh at the sight of the scary man performing so elegant a movement, and began reading through the lines and lines of what Yuuri suspected to be dry legal drivel.

Yuuri had a vague idea of what Wolfram was here for; the blond made this pilgrimage once every year or so, and Yuuri had tagged along once or twice.

Wolfram's father's only sister had decided to forgo the route normally taken by a woman left by a man; after the love of her life had professed to being in love with another, Rufus had kindly told him to leave.

Even though she had been pregnant at the time.

Instead, she had sold her business, invested wisely, received an almost _blessed_ return, then left to trot the globe with her child.

Last Yuuri heard, aunt Ru and Marque were making their way through dusty Egypt.

The answer to the question of Marque's nationality was one that both Yuuri and Wolfram had betted heavily on.

Out of fondness for her only other family, Wolfram's aunt continuously set aside a large sum for him, despite the fact that her dearly departed brother had left an inheritance for the blond that made buying a small country seem plausible.

As Wolfram had drunkenly told him after his last trip, when Celi had attempted to blockade the blond in the mansion, "My psychotic father _specifically _mentioned that I'm only allowed to use my inheritance after I have shown _proof_ to my _mother_ that I am living happily with my soul mate."

In between trips to the toilet, Wolfram had growled choice words about his late father's romantic tendencies. Yuuri found it easier to understand why a man known to have been fearless in pursuing business ventures could have fallen in love with Celi.

The money his aunt left him was used to pay off study loans, settle emergencies, and though Wolfram went to great pains to hide it from Yuuri, albeit ineffectively, sent to several orphanages.

"If you hate being given money so much," said Yuuri, who was foreign to the concept, before Wolfram had collapsed into a drunken stupor, "you could just not take any of it."

Wolfram had stared at him with red eyes, before cursing.

"I'll excuse you implying that I was stupid enough to miss that _gem_ of an idea because you're Yuuri. The first time I tried that, I was informed by a real-estate agency that aunt Ru had paid the down payment on a villa in Buenos Aires. I have to go and collect a cheque at least once a year, or this is what she does to me. My entire family is _insane_."

Yuuri couldn't help but agree with that when Gwendal finally deigned to look at them.

"Wolfram" The deep voice startled the blond out of his reverie, him having gone down the same memory lane Yuuri had traversed. Yuuri bit down a smile when he saw Wolfram snapping almost to attention, back ramrod straight and eyes tinged with slight fear.

Just like a small boy anxious not to disappoint his disapproving elder brother.

"Yes, brother?"

Wolfram had to resist the urge to fidget, and hated that he was uncomfortable in the presence of his family.

"The Baian stocks Rufus chose to sell caused a considerable increase in her net worth, and since the Bank of Voltaire is offering all their highest investors a significant increase in their interest rate, the amount that you receive will be approximately 52% more than the previous amount"

Gwendal moved his frown to the chequebook in front of him, neatly lettering in the amount and stamping his approval, thoroughly ignoring the look of unabashed shock on both Yuuri and Wolfram's face.

_I could have bought a damn Ferrari with her last cheque, and this is fifty percent more?_

Yuuri only heard elevator music, his mind having attempted and given up on comprehending the sheer enormity of the value.

"Wolf?" Yuuri found his mouth operating of its own accord. "How many times have you met your aunt Ru?"

"Not. Often. Enough."

Wolfram recognised the dimming of Yuuri's eyes as his friend floated into the twilight zone. He couldn't say he blamed the other boy. While they wrote letters and e-mailed each other frequently, Wolfram had never realised the true insanity of his aunt.

(Side note: That night Wolfram e-mailed his aunt to ask what she had been playing at; the reply he had received almost immediately was that she had just wanted to spoil the prettiest nephew anyone could ever hope to have. The message was accompanied by a picture of Rufus winking impishly, her thick braid of blonde hair obscuring what he strongly suspected was a sari, Marque laughing and waving in the background. The grey blur off to the side of the picture was suspected to be that of an elephant. Wolfram had gone to bed in dire need of aspirin.)

Gwendal carefully tore the rectangle of paper out of his leather-bound chequebook, handing it to a Wolfram who received it with shaky hands. Gwendal returned to his work, now behaving as though the boys had never interrupted.

Wolfram swiftly pocketed the cheque, the numbers burning a hole through his pants. Gently he shook Yuuri's arm, calling to him.

"Yuuri, if you don't come back right now, I'm telling Gwendal you want to work for him in investment banking!"

"Coming, coming" Yuuri whispered as he got up to follow Wolfram, looking back to make sure Gwendal wasn't directing the frown of DOOM at _him_.

At the door, Wolfram shooed Yuuri out before muttering a swift thanks and closing the door.

They looked at each other.

Yuuri tried out a smile, and discovered that disbelief made his left cheek wobble, throwing the smile off course and resulting in him wearing a lopsided nervous grimace.

The look on Wolfram's face was that of utter blankness; Yuuri was willing to swear that the blond's face would have remained impassive if his leg had spontaneously combusted.

Yuuri stuck through with his grimace.

"At least we don't have to worry about the rent."

* * *

A/N: Ta-dah! From now on there'll be weekly updates. There're three other things I'm doing alongside this one, so I want to coordinate everything so that I can get things done in an orderly way at least once a week :) Trying to fix my nasty habit that someone pointed out to be, where I don't put full stops at the end of dialogues. Chapters shouldn't be longer than 5000 words at most, if I'm remembering correctly. Believe I should mention that there's a novel written (by me, heh) about Rufus and Marque XD They somehow became really interesting after I wrote this part. They don't figure much in the story though. Read and review!


	3. Bright plans always seem dim at first

"It's in my account now."

They walked home, enjoying the brisk breeze as they cut through the park from the branch of Bank of Voltaire nearest their home.

"I think your savings now amount to more than my father's retirement fund."

"Another comment like that, and I really _will_ hire somebody to force your dad to accept some of my money." Wolfram groaned. "God knows I have more than I know what to do with!"

_And God also knows I won't use the money to pay rent or buy groceries or anything unless it's a matter of life or death... I don't want to alienate you because of my wealth too. Idiot._

"But it's nice to know that they care so much for you, Wolf."

Wolfram's eyes adopted a far-away look, and Yuuri made no comment, taking pains to harmonise their pace. While Wolfram strode with all the arrogance and elegance of a noble prince, Yuuri usually took small, brisk steps, careful and tentative. It was hard to keep up with each other, but over the years Yuuri had discovered a way to swing his legs just _right_, so that they walked shoulder-to-shoulder, one never left behind the other.

Sometimes Yuuri wondered why he gave more thought to how to walk with Wolfram than about his future. Then Wolfram would do something, or say something, and Yuuri would realise that while the future was all well and important, the present needed the most attention.

And the person constantly in his immediate presence was one male, blond; bloodline bluer than the sky, with a lordship lost in the grandeur somewhere.

"They don't. Aunt Ru does, but she's insane and never on the same continent. My brothers and mother, however, couldn't care less if I dropped off the face of the Earth."

Their pace didn't change, the atmosphere remained the same; Wolfram had spoken in a nonchalant tone, like he was making a comment about the weather.

Yuuri was used to Wolfram addressing things that distressed him the most in a very off-handed manner. He knew, from pain of experience, that to call attention to the matter would result in Wolfram shutting off. Despite being loud and opinionated, Wolfram _intensely_ hated any kind of conflict of his emotions. He hated _even more_ letting anyone see that there _was_ conflict.

So he replied the way he had learned was the best way to reply. Calmly, simply.

Like answering, "The sun's been really warm" after being asked "Nice weather, isn't it?"

"Your family would try to contact God and put him on their payroll to help them find you. They might not show it well, but they _all_ love you."

"You can't prove it. I can deny it."

_That would be, "Oh, but I think it will rain soon. And I just hung the washing too!"_

"Would you like me to really prove it?"

_And I would've said, "Don't be silly. Look, there aren't any clouds at all."_

"How?"

_"That doesn't mean anything," said housewife Wolfram, hands on her hips as her apron billows in the wind._

"We could put you in a situation where they could choose to fall over themselves to save you, or leave you. Then when they come to your rescue, you'd _know_."

_"I can read the wind, silly. Trust me, the sun will continue shining!" There I go, super-intelligent housewife Shibuya Yuuri!_

Green eyes turned to face him suddenly, and Yuuri was taken aback by the sheer force of emotion in them.

Yuuri forgot sometimes that Wolfram was capable of any of the darker emotions. He looked too much like an angel, behaved so much like he was invincible, that sadness and insecurity seemed impossible for Wolfram.

Whenever Yuuri was proven wrong, it was almost physically painful to see Wolfram looking lost yet struggling hard to cover up.

"I am completely sure that they don't even know when my birthday is. I've tried, wimp, but they don't care. I'm too tired to want to try any more."

_"It will rain, and my clothes will be wet. The sun won't shine again, and my washing will never, every dry." Wolfram wrings her apron strings, looking distracted and depressed._

"Trust me."

_"Trust me."_

Wolfram closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before turning to face forwards once again. Their walking pace had not changed.

"Once. Only because even I find it disturbing to be so uncomfortable around my family."

_Oh, housewife Wolf looks ready to cry. "I'll believe you this once, Mrs. Shibuya. But if you are wrong, I will never hang my washing out to dry again. It would be safer if I just left it to dry in the laundry room."_

Yuuri smiled warmly.

"You'll have to buy me a parfait when I show you how your family would shift heaven and earth to help you, Wolf."

_Why am I imagining the both of us as females, actually? "Leave it out! You'll thank me when your linens are crisp and your shirts smell sweet". Operation: Bond Wolfram and his Family will officially commence. After he's cooked me dinner._

_***_

Wolfram opted for Thai food that night, and Yuuri wished he had had the presence of mind to say "no" when Wolfram offered up a challenge. _Especially_ when every time Yuuri tried to rise to the occasion, he would fail embarrassingly and be forced to see Wolfram's triumphant smirk.

That was the main reason why Yuuri usually forbade Wolfram from stepping into the kitchen; but despite being aware of the dangers of Wolfram and chilies being in close proximity, Yuuri could be a bit of a masochist sometimes.

After a course of rice and the spicy vegetable "tongue yam?" thing, Yuuri now lay slumped against the dining table, steam gently coming out of his ears as he bid a tearful farewell to his taste buds.

Despite looking like butter couldn't melt in his mouth, Wolfram had a high threshold for spiciness. As such, the fumes that came off the soup had been enough to make Yuuri's eyes water. But it was a challenge from another man; how could he have done anything except drown his bit of rice in the gleaming red liquid?

"I need milk. And aloe vera. And vaseline. And someone to disconnect my tongue from my brain."

"Stop being such a wimp, Yuuri. After I went through all that trouble to make it so mild too! Now sit up like a man and tell me your wimpy plan to prove that my family don't like me very much."

Yuuri tearfully downed the rest of his overly sweet tea, before slumping back in his seat.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

Wolfram had on his most innocent expression.

The one that made him look about five.

The one that made the people manning movie ticket booths demand identification when they went for an 18-and-above movie.

"Oh, you know I would _never_ purposely put chilly in your food! Only this time the recipe _demanded_ it."

Yuuri sighed, and refilled his tiny cup of tea.

"At least you aren't being quiet and worrying. Nice to know you have so much faith in my plan, Wolf."

The blond moved his plates to the side, resting his elbows on the table and planting his chin on his palms.

"It's one final attempt. Right now, I don't think it matters much to me if it fails or succeeds. I'm just humouring you."

_Wimp, surely you didn't think I would tell you that I'll be heart-broken when we prove once and for all that I'm the unwanted third son. I need you to respect me, even if no one else does._

The dark-haired boy smiled widely, expending a great amount of will to ignore the burning sensation on his tongue. Among the lies he told himself included _it helps me concentrate_ and _Wolfram's just being friendly when he tries to kill me with his cooking._

_Which makes him sound like my pet dog that'd just brought in a dead frog as a "gift"._

Wolfram gave him a confused look when Yuuri suddenly burst into laughter.

_My pet wolf, more like._

"Snap out of yourself Yuuri."

"Sorry, sorry! Now, promise you won't laugh, beat, maim, insult, ridicule, emotionally traumatise and just generally make me feel like an idiot after I tell you my grand plan!"

Disbelief was firmly etched on Wolfram's face, only the image of Wolfram as a wilder kind of golden retriever giving him a look of disdain made Yuuri want to laugh pointlessly again.

"Be a good Wolf and promise"

"Oh fine, you wimp. I promise you won't die no matter how ridiculous your idea is. Now what is it?"

Yuuri allowed himself a tiny smirk.

"We'll kidnap you."

That earned him a disparaging snort, and a momentary flash of disappointment.

The disappointment was the one that hurt most.

"Tell me Yuuri, what would you write in the hostage note? 'Dear my friend Wolfram's family, love him or else. Yours truly, Shibuya Yuuri'?"

"Well, I was thinking you could go and stay with one of your friends. I could contact your boss and say you've gone missing, then we'd call Gwendal and your mother and Conrad. When they tear off buildings and call in favours with NASA to find you using satellites, you'd _know_ they care a lot about you. After a few days you could come back, and just say you had some sort of emergency with whoever it is you've gone to see, and there'll be a lot of hugging and maybe Gwendal will cry with relief and Celi will kiss you and you won't go around thinking your family don't love you"

"And should policemen be involved?"

"Well, if the cover's blown, I'll just say I didn't know you'd left to see a friend. They'll think I'm insane at worst."

"Should they detain you for making false accusations and just generally being a pain?"

"Then they'd detain only me! I won't let them come _near_ you Wolf."

"If that does happen, you _idiot_, and my family decides it's dangerous for me to share a flat with you? Assuming the police don't lock you up and throw away the key."

Yuuri smiled, knowing that with enough perseverance Wolfram would come to agree. And it really was unusual for Wolfram to vocally worry about him so.

Yuuri decided he liked the feeling.

"It's up to you, Wolf. They aren't _my_ family, but if you decide to move out... I won't do anything to go against you. If, however, Gwennie decides I'm a terrible influence and ships you off to Monaco, I'll come running."

The dark-haired boy looked absurdly pleased with himself.

"I'm a wimp that way."

With a look of tremendous contemplation, Wolfram faced his cup of tea.

_This... doesn't sound too impossible. Should neither mother nor brothers lift a finger to find me, Yuuri will know. Then he would take it on himself to shower me with the affection my family could not be bothered to. Either way, this seems an ideal plan._

_Isn't it sad though, that I'd force him to lose his illusions about normal family-life just because I want someone to look forward to?_

"You could get into serious trouble for this, Yuuri. I don't think it's safe."

Yuuri waved his hand dismissively. "What's the worst they can do? Legally, I mean. I'd just be a concerned, slightly unintelligent friend. What you _should_ worry about is what your family might do to me for revenge!"

"I have a bad feeling about this, wimp."

Yuuri leaned across the table and grasped Wolfram's shoulder, squeezing it affectionately.

"A little risk is totally worth me _making_ you understand that lots of people care about you. It's weird and unfair how you doubt that people love you, you silly brat. No offence Wolf, but I think you were _born_ with self-image problems."

A tic formed on Wolfram's right eye, and hastily Yuuri withdrew his hand. When _any_ part of Wolfram twitched, it usually meant an explosion was imminent. When it was his right eye, it usually meant everyone in the nearby vicinity would lose their lives.

"Wolfram, breathe, Wolfram. Remember, hi, hi, hu. Hi, hi, hu"

Luckily, on one of their numerous trips to visit Jennifer, the woman had installed a near fail-safe deactivation system in the blond. Most mothers would've heard of it.

Can we say lamaze?

And Wolfram took to it like a fish to water. Now, just instructing the blond to breathe the funny way his mother had taught him was enough for Yuuri to diffuse Wolfram's over-exuberant anger.

Wolfram would still tell him in the most horrifying way possible everything that was wrong with him, but he wouldn't be yelling at the top of his lungs. Nor would he take to flinging about inanimate objects.

Like a worried husband Yuuri coached Wolfram through the breathing, and soon the tic had disappeared.

_Congratulations commander, disaster has been averted!_

_"_Alright, you won't die now. Anymore ridiculous mentions of my emotional state, Yuuri, and no amount of breathing will save you. About this little plan of yours... Have you sorted out precisely what you would say to my boss and family? Where I would stay? What would happen if someone saw me walking around a convenience store?"

Yuuri smiled his best puppy-dog smile, hoping the cuteness would melt the fiery iceberg that was, Wolfram.

"I'll just say you disappeared in the night, and you didn't tell me before you left. I just thought about this when we were walking Wolf, things are still a bit... sketchy."

Wolfram heaved a put-upon sigh.

"Say I _do_ agree with this insanity. Is it really safe for you, Yuuri? What would your mother think?"

"Wolf, if my mother knew about this, she'd make a hostage video with the both of you in it. You'd probably be forced into a cosplay outfit, and she would wear a balaclava with her dress. I'm trying to save you from everyone here; if you talk to my mum, she'd coddle you silly and be happy having you live with us for the rest of our lives."

"What makes you think I need to be saved? Do you think I'm so weak that I'd be so easily hurt?"

Yuuri smiled fondly at his friend, Wolfram looking at him with confusion and a flare of anger.

"Wolf, you idiot. The only person capable of hurting _you_ is yourself. The most credit you could give me is for trying to occasionally stop you from listening to yourself. I don't understand why you have such a pessimistic outlook, so it's my duty as your best friend and the person who worries about you the most to look after you."

_Besides Wolf, if I just dragged you back to your house and made you tell your family how you felt, you wouldn't believe a word they say. Since you believe more in actions rather than words, that's exactly what I'll do._

The green of his eyes were almost luminous, age-old fears and worries that had been hushed returning full force at the slightest prospect of hope.

Fears and worries Wolfram had been fighting down since he left home immediately after high school, choosing to survive and further his love of sweet things by his own means instead of living in the gilded cage of his familial home and being forced to take up a _practical_ subject.

Despite being the wealthiest person Yuuri knew, Wolfram was also the saddest (even if he never showed it).

Yuuri knew, and he hated that he couldn't be trusted with Wolfram's feelings. He regularly unloaded his emotional baggage on the blond, Wolfram never failing to make him feel better with a wry joke, a death threat, thoughtful advice, sometimes with just a smile. He himself kept all the hurt; the flashes of anger and the tantrums distracted everyone from the consuming fire raging underfoot; when Yuuri finally noticed, Wolfram would usually have been pushed past breaking point.

Like now.

The blond looked defeated. Something he never would have imagined could be used to describe the liveliest, most indefatigable man in the world.

So he decided to take a leaf out of his mother's book; Jennifer always seemed to have the most calming effect on Wolfram. It seemed like an odd thing to do under normal circumstances, but Yuuri's reasoning of _this is Wolfram_ made it seem... logical. Inspired, even.

So he stood up, circled the table, and pulled an unresisting Wolfram to his feet. Blushing wildly, because this was the first time he was doing _this_ with _anybody_, Yuuri turned Wolfram to face him.

He smiled his sweetest grin, the one Wolfram insisted made him look like an idiot, but never failed to make the blond react.

Being almost identical in height, Yuuri casually leaned forward and kissed Wolfram's forehead, a gesture full of worried love.

He then pulled the blond into a tight hug, ruffling golden strands and awkwardly patting his back.

"Don't worry, Wolf, I'm here, Wolf, don't worry. I'll make sure you'll be okay, Wolf, you won't be hurt, Wolf, don't worry"

And so he continued, the tone one his mother always used on him when he was scared or tired or worried.

The rest of the reassurance was more of the same.

And while Yuuri always wanted to have a woman in his arms, embracing like this, it felt perfectly fine that it was his _male_ friend he was hugging.

Because it was Wolfram, and Yuuri couldn't take him being sad anymore. Wolfram often accused him of being simple-minded. Coming from the blond, who was incapable of paying a compliment no matter how well deserved, Yuuri took it as praise. Over-thinking things tend to create more problems than it solves, and Yuuri had a feeling it was the major contributor to Wolfram's misery.

To Yuuri's simple logic, Wolfram's family would love him because they were _family_. Worrying about his position among them all the time had convinced Wolfram that his family was better off without him, and that they didn't really _want_ him. The absence of constant parental figures in his life had allowed Wolfram's insecurity to fester, and sometimes Yuuri got really angry with Celi for putting her son through the things she did.

So he stood in for the affection the blond never received; they stayed together, making it easier for Yuuri to discretely check up on his best friend.

It was a pity he was as oblivious as he was sympathetic. He could never tell when Wolfram really needed an extra show of warmth. Yuuri compensated by doing the right things when the situation needed it most.

Holding Wolfram right now was one of those things.

The body he held relaxed, a bit of the tension disappearing, and Yuuri vaguely wondered what he would do if Wolfram was crying. Instead, he felt more than heard the soft exhalation of breath as Wolfram sighed into the front of his shirt, scrunched uncomfortably against it since their similar height could not afford a tall body to lean against.

"You okay, Wolf?"

A quirk of his lips, hidden under the material of Yuuri's jacket.

"I will live, I will live, Yuuri, don't worry."

And it was true too, Wolfram was surprised to discover. An embrace from his friend has made things seem less dim, less hopeless...

_Less lonely._

"How do people resist you, Yuuri? You take better care of me than my own family."

Yuuri found himself reluctant to release his hold on the blond, reluctant to allow Wolfram to leave the relative safety of being with him to go out into the world that would hurt him more.

"And you take better care of me than you do yourself. How could anyone resist _you_?"

"Very easily, I think." Wolfram pushed him away, vaguely wondering if it was entirely normal to be so ecstatic at a _platonic_ show of affection from Yuuri.

"Well, I can't. You could live the rest of your life without ever meeting your family again, God knows your side income would provide you with a comfortable life. But... the problem right _now_ is, _I_ want you to have as many people to love and be loved by as possible. Since both of us are awful at making friends with anyone but each other, Wolf, you're family is my last hope"

"Just like you to worry about the weirdest things wimp." Wolfram managed a lopsided smile. "Who could I stay with that nobody would suspect?"

Yuuri frowned. If Celi reacted the way Yuuri predicted she would, every single acquaintance of her son's would be canvassed and questioned to within an inch of their lives. So that ruled out co-workers, and social friends. It would have to be someone trustworthy, yet extremely unusual.

"Murata!"

Wolfram gave him the _look_, the one that meant he'd just said something incredibly unintelligent. Yuuri would not be dissuaded.

"He was an exchange student at our school for a year-ish, and when he left we kept in contact! He's living here in the city now, and he's been pestering me to go see him for months! Plus Wolf, if you remember, he's one of the most insane people I have ever met. Except for you, of course. I bet you he would _love_ to do this weird thing for us! I think he had a crush on you too, when we were in school."

"Who didn't, wimp?"

Yuuri stuck out his tongue. Childish? Yes. Fulfilling? Yes.

Wolfram broke another smile for that.

"I remember him _very_ well. Pleaded the case of the newbie to get the teachers to force me to accompany him to the toilet, and spent most of the journey subtly attempting to feel my ass. Nearly broke off his nose when he managed it the first time, and I told the teacher someone opened a door in his face."

Yuuri remembered. Then Yuuri worried.

"I forgot what a pervert he was. Hey Wolf, would it be safe to leave you with him? I mean, it'd get uncomfortable...."

Wolfram shrugged.

"Advances from either gender aren't unusual for me, it's nothing that'd make me uncomfortable. And this time if I injure him, there's no teacher that I need to lie to."

Yuuri smiled disbelievingly. He knew _he_ would feel uncomfortable rooming with another male if said male repeatedly tried to feel him up. Attention from women was rare and startling enough, without Yuuri even considering the horror of attracting _men_.

Wolfram noticed the look, and frowned slightly.

"Yuuri, don't tell me after _years_ of ordering me not to be prejudiced towards everyone I don't particularly like, _you_ are prejudiced towards people with slightly different tastes? Would you like me any less if I told you I am willing to _sleep_ with a man?"

"I wouldn't like you any more..."

"God, Yuuri! It's fantastic if I can date a hundred women, but deplorable to fall in love with a man? _How_ does that make sense?"

"It's harder to be like that! People don't _like_ people like that! You could get insulted, Wolfram, you could get _hurt_ if people found out! How in hell am I supposed to be all right with that? And I _know_ you want to have children; I know how much you love kids! I just... I find it so depressing imagining you with a man, because you'd be _hurt_. All the time, by different people, and I don't want that for you!"

Wolfram was touched by Yuuri's admission, as the darker boy glared at him, red in the face and breathing hard. Still, the idea of his pure-hearted Yuuri being prejudiced in any way didn't sit well with Wolfram, who found that some internal reasoning was _urging_ him to convince Yuuri otherwise.

Wolfram always made a point to listen to his heart.

So he reached forward, prayed to God that Yuuri wouldn't hate him for this, and tugged Yuuri's head down for a kiss.

It was short, just their lips touching, their breaths mingling for a fraction of a second, before Wolfram pulled back and placed his hands on his hips.

"It wasn't _horrible_, was it? I appreciate you trying to look out for me Yuuri, but between conforming to society and loving who I will, I'd rather bear a little isolation. You'd be insulting me if you thought what other people think and how they behave will affect me much, but I _really_ can't handle it if _you_ don't like the one I choose, Yuuri. So I'll go stay with Murata, and I won't mind his advances as long as he doesn't overdo it, and you don't have to worry about my honour and purity."

Wolfram turned away, willing the blush off his cheeks before continuing.

"Just don't dirty the soft-hearted wimp you are with stupid things like prejudice. That would make me really, really sad Yuuri."

And Wolfram walked to his bedroom, shutting the door without a single backward glance.

Yuuri stood rooted to the spot, heart hammering through his chest, attempting to digest _what just happened_.

Wolfram wasn't much better, slumped against his bedroom door, wondering if it was normal to go weak-kneed after kissing your best friend.

oOoOoOo

A/N: There's something enormously tacky about this story… I think I'm not cut out to write out lovey-dovey scenes D: Weekly updates will be every Wednesday now, because I'm freer today than I'll be on the weekend. Please review if you liked it; it's the biggest perk there is to posting.

Oh, and lol. Who was shocked by the plan? That's about as good as it gets when it comes to my trying to be surprising ;D


	4. Paint your teeth black

"Morning!"

"Hnh."

Yuuri expertly avoided eye contact as he flipped the pancakes. It was alright, they weren't _awkward_ or anything, it was all good, and normal, and if he just reached for the syrup he'd be oka-

"Yuuri?"

Fingers fumbled and Yuuri caught the tumbling bottle in a hug, before facing a serious-looking Wolfram. The silly grin was back on.

"Yes, Wolf?"

Wolfram looked at his fingers, looked at the plates, looked at the windowsill, before settling on a point a foot to the left of Yuuri's right shoulder.

"About yesterday... Are you... _angry_ with me?"

Yuuri thought back to the kiss, and carefully checked the emotions he had felt. A lot of surprise, heart-stopping shock, a bit of a thrill, and a weird kind of comforting discomfort. Anger was not there. With a sigh Yuuri remembered that he personally found it impossible to stay angry with the blond for over a few days. Even if Wolfram managed to annoy the sanity out of most people.

"No, I'm not. You know me Wolf, I panic over the most idiotic thing, and seize up at the slightest physical contact." Yuuri grinned self-depreciatingly. "I'm stupid that way. But I can't be angry with you for trying to look out for me. Even if your method was a bit... uncalled for."

Wolfram had the decency to blush, and Yuuri badly stifled a laugh at the unusual sight. Feeling extremely close to his best friend at that moment, Yuuri happily proclaimed,

"If I were to fall for a guy, you'd top the list Wolf." Yuuri chuckled. "What am I saying? You'd be the only one on it!"

"I will hold you to that, wimp. Now try not to be so noisy, I'll be rooming with someone else for a while, do you think you can hold the fort while I'm gone?"

"That reminds me. I've already called Murata, he says he'll pick you up at the park, near the blue and green fountain. And he said to dress casually, and try to disguise your hair or something, so there won't be any witnesses that can remember you leaving with him." The darker boy twitched a little. "I called him this morning, and he's officially finding this faux kidnapping thing more interesting than we do."

Wolfram was fingering a lock of his hair, trying to imagine how to hide it. It was almost disturbing, really, the way he stood out in almost every way when compared to the locals.

_Nothing for it, then._

"Yuuri, where's the black shoe polish?"

"In the little cabinet with the boots. Why?"

"We'll be sharing the same hair colour for today."

"Wolfram!"

The blond shrugged; there wasn't anything else that could be done. He had coloured contacts forced on him by his mother, despite his perfect vision, and hiding both his hair and eye colour should be enough to hide his identity. It didn't mean Yuuri had to like it, of course, but what needed to be done will be done.

Yuuri pouted, steadfastly ignoring the fact that it only worked when done by children below the age of 12, and by Wolfram.

"Well, have you packed your clothes? I think a weeks' worth should be enough, he's bound to have a washer there, or haven't you packed yet? Oh I know, with the weather you really should get those brown pan-"

Wolfram smirked. Despite getting as excited over baseball as the best of them and having an unearthly love for sports cars, Yuuri could be so _cute_ sometimes. His zest and joy for packing was unrivalled, Wolfram sometimes creating random situations just to see the darker boy get the concentrated frown on his face.

"Don't worry, mother, I've already packed. If I left it up to _you_, half my wardrobe would be crammed into my one duffel bag, and I'd reach Murata's apartment only to discover you'd felt too shy to pack in the underwear."

The pout made another appearance.

"Well, at least tell me you brought more than _one_ shirt. God, don't tell me you want a repeat of that school trip we had to... somewhere. You were so _tall_, so you just looked silly in my stuff, but you couldn't fit into any of the male teachers' shirts. I will _never_ forget the look on Miss Lin's face when you got into her "Running for Breast Cancer" blouse..."

Yuuri was laughing loudly now, remembering the blond's faux-unconcerned face, nose up in the air as he ignored the looks he got for his unusual dressing.

"Shaddup. I packed lightly. If I remember right, Murata's about the same size, we can just share clothes. I wouldn't want anyone to get suspicious that it looks like I've packed for a trip, my wimp."

"Wolf, you sure you want to do this? I mean... I want to get you whatever feeling you want, but this is a harebrained scheme that _I_ came up with. The number of things that could go wrong is freaking me out, Wolf."

"It's still better than just _living_, just going on with everything like my opinions don't matter. And it's better for you to really know, Yuuri, than think I'm overdramatic when I tell you my family doesn't love me."

_But it means I have to go for weeks without seeing you!_

Yuuri never could tell what was pure mind-speak, and what words actually managed to drop from his mouth.

Well... Perhaps making a complete and utter idiot of himself was excusable if it managed to make that shocked, pleased look appear on Wolfram's face.

In fact, Yuuri decided that it really was worth it. His friend looked better with a murderous scowl or a lopsided smile than he did when brooding.

Even if most females who have come into contact with Wolfram would have sworn that a brooding Wolfram was still a hopelessly gorgeous Wolfram. Yuuri now suspected that a fair share of the men that have met him had the same feelings too.

"Yuuri, do you even want me to go? I won't go through with this, if you're dead set against it. We still haven't done anything that would stop us from going back to... whatever the hell counts as normal for us."

_What is the point of worrying and frowning and thinking endlessly about it if we don't go through with this plan and show you what it feels like to have a ready source of affection from more than just me?_

_Even if it's going to be so miserable until you're here, safe at home_.

"I'll be fine, mother, I'm not six! Just make sure you keep warm, and drink plenty of fluids."

Wolfram's eyes widened in confused humour.

"We're faking a kidnapping here, not trying to help me recover from a bad bout of the flu! Besides, I'm sure we can arrange to meet somehow... We're plenty smarter than anyone my mother could possibly think to send after us."

_Maybe you are_.

"And wasn't Murata some sort of super genius, back in school? I don't remember too well, but I do remember holding a grudge against him for beating my top score for that history paper about Historical Weapons"

Wolfram cracked his knuckles, the action subconscious yet no less frightening.

Yuuri blusters, and fussed with the bottle in his hand. Awkward, he felt awkward in the face of Wolfram's impending departure, the loss of the blond worryingly more discomfiting than the threat of possible capture.

"You certain you'll be alright Yuuri?"

Green eyes were full of concern, and it was obvious that Wolfram was fully prepared to sacrifice their grand scheme if he found any indication that it made Yuuri uncomfortable. For someone who had his nose in the air and acted like a brat most of the time, Wolfram was intensely attentive and protective of the people he cared about.

He had bought medicine for Yuuri a full week before the darker boy had fallen sick, and though Wolfram had gone to great pains to disguise it, he frequently anonymously sent mosquito coils, hay fever medicine and anything else his family would need to cope with the seasons, both brothers too busy to look after themselves, and Celi too busy being... Celi.

Yuuri always wondered why they never pushed to find out who was their consistent, timely saviour. He suspected it was because they _knew_ it was from Wolfram, he was upset at the thought that they didn't say thank you if that was their suspicion, and now suspected that Wolfram suspected that they _knew_ but didn't care.

"Not as well as I would be if you were around to bully me into being the best a wimp can be, but I'll be fine. This is scary that I have to say this to a brat like you, but for now at least, think about yourself Wolf."

Wolfram smirked, and left the dining space to retrieve the shoe polish.

Ten minutes later he was back, seated on the blue member of the mismatched dining chairs. The tin of polish lay uncapped on the table, and Wolfram's face was twisted in distaste for the unpleasant smell.

He had on his painting smock, determined not to have the smelly black gunk on his shirt, huffily muttering to himself. Yuuri smiled nervously from his standing position behind his friend, hands wringing as he tried to figure out what to do.

"Hurry up Yuuri, or I really will just do it myself!"

"I'm sorry Wolf, but it feels _criminal_ to do this to your hair!"

"Wimp, how could you care more for my hair than I do?!"

"I'm sorry! But people would slap me if they found out that I'm responsible for _this_! And maybe we should call this off! What if the colour _doesn't_ _fade_?"

Yuuri choked on a scream of horror.

"Your mother would kill me with _her bare hands_!"

Wolfram had had enough of the intense wimping out. He turned and grabbed Yuuri's collar, dragging the milder boy down so that his message would have a shorter distance to get across.

"We are doing _this_ to see if she would actually _care_. My crippling certainty that she _wouldn't_ and your _naive_ certainty that she would, well..."

The shirt was released, and warm, angry puffs of air no longer warmed Yuuri's face as Wolfram turned back to sit straight.

"_That's_ what this is for. Yuuri, you _cannot_ wimp out on me now!"

Yuuri sighed, defeated. He ruffled the blond hair affectionately, feeling disproportionate sadness at the thought that the luxury of Wolfram's hair would be gone for a considerable amount of time.

"Fine, fine!"

An old toothbrush functioned as the applicator, and with a look of intense concentration he began brushing the jet-black polish onto a curl of gold hair, fanning the individual strands on a gloved hand.

His tongue stuck out in his concentration.

Soon the whole lock was coloured, root to tip. Yuuri leaned back to admire his handiwork, but found it wanting.

"Yuck!"

Wolfram snorted.

"Nice to hear that, Yuuri. Really reassuring"

Yuuri frowned, holding up the modified curl to the light, ducking his head under it to see the light filtering through.

"Sorry, but it looks so coarse and sticky... and black!"

Wolfram smirked.

"Didn't know you disliked your own hair colour. Thought the princess was pleased with everything he had!"

"Yeah, but my hair is mine! If your fan girls could see this now... Wolf, your hair is so nice, it feels evil to do this to it!"

"Just means it's a better disguise. The contacts are dark brown, and I'm wearing my rattiest pair of jeans and ugliest shirt. It'd be the perfect disguise. No one would recognise me under all this ugly."

The blond laughed lightly, though he was being serious. Being perfectly-groomed was a matter of pride with him, and he doubted anyone _but _Yuuri could recognise him after he was done with his "transformation".

"Plus you didn't complain when I called you 'princess'."

"Wolfram!"

The small laugh evolved into a full blown cackle, and Yuuri had his revenge tugging Wolfram's hair unnecessarily roughly as he made his way through turning blond into black.

***

"How do I look?"

Yuuri could've wept. Wolfram's soft blond curls were now dirty-looking black strands clumped together, his bangs were slicked back to prevent the polish from drawing havoc on his face, his eyes were the _wrong_ colour, his black shirt had white worn patches and were too wide at his shoulders, and his pants were _ridiculously tight_.

_This must be what mom felt when I stopped wearing her "pretty" dresses and went for normal, simple boy clothes! No wonder she wished she had a daughter!_

"Horrible!"

"Perfect."

The formerly blond boy slung his rucksack over his shoulder, and they looked at each other for an awkward while.

"Well..."

"Hmm..."

Yuuri laughed nervously.

"It'll be lunchtime soon, I think you should go now Wolf. Otherwise people might see you, you know."

"Yeah, that's true."

He raised his hand, intending to flick back his bangs in a gesture that had long since become natural, before he withdrew it. Wolfram swore a little under his breath.

"Damned polish and damn stickiness, can't even touch my own hair, stupid plan-"

He drew a calming breath, determined not to let anxiety mar the last time he could speak face to face with his best friend in what could be a very long time.

"I'll be going now, wimp. My boss should be calling soon, it's an early shift for me today. Have you figured out what to say?"

Yuuri nodded.

"I've been thinking about this the whole night. I'll tell him that I'd woken up late and you were already gone, but that you'd told me yesterday that work started early. When he starts getting worried that his star baker who's usually _so_ responsible didn't make it to work, I'll start getting worried too. Then he or I would call your family, then after the police come in I'll call Gisela to tell her that I can't start soon because my best friend's disappeared, and I'd be too useless to work until he's found."

Yuuri rolled his eyes. "Because mother Wolf insists I tell my employer, so that even if his personal life ends up in shambles because of me, I'd still have a job. Though I swear she might just join the search if she finds out you've disappeared."

"Shaddup wimp. I've brought along my wallet, and the usual stuff I bring to work. Should look like I left for the bakery, but just never got there. My cell's with me, leave a few miss calls, but keep in mind I won't answer, else they'd know that the whole thing was a plan by the wimp. I'll call you from a pay phone or whatever when I've met Murata."

Wolfram pulled Yuuri into a tight hug, one returned despite the horrible smell of a face full of shoe polish.

"Stay well, Yuuri. Once you come to my conclusion, I'll be back to whip you into shape. Don't open the door to strangers, princess!"

Yuuri laughed weakly, and Wolfram turned to leave. Hand on the doorknob, he sighed, and growled, which was really Wolfram's way of showing emotions he deemed too weak to show,

"Goodbye, Yuuri."

A booted foot was already out the door, before Yuuri could scramble for a reply.

"Goodbye-"

And stopped, as he was stopped in his attempt to exit after Wolfram by said boy's back.

"What the-"

"Shush!"

Yuuri muttered choice words about character, looking grumpily over Wolfram's shoulder at the source of the disruption.

Over, and into the bright eyes of their neighbour, one third of the Three Women Terror who were the biggest gossips in, Yuuri suspected, the entire world.

Wolfram was right to shut him up. Even the slightest show of disguised Wolfram being Wolfram, and their whole plan would have been uncovered before it even got carried out.

_Not good, not good_.

Wolfram, not the world's greatest on-the-spot thinker, would usually solve this problem by scowling Doria into fleeing back into her apartment to her twittering friends. He realised that doing that now would be the same as flashing her his I.D, so he wisely kept his silence, happily deciding to dump the situation in Yuuri's lap.

_Yeah, thanks for going mute, Wolfram._

What possible excuse could he have for wishing goodbye to a male stranger from the apartment he shared with a blond who had the entire building under his thrall?

Yuuri, sadly, was also not the world's best instantaneous thinker, and sighed as he came to the one conclusion that he knew, just somehow _knew_ would delight and distract the Terrors the most.

He pushed past Wolfram to face Doria, scratching his head automatically as he fumbled for words to flesh out his lie. Yuuri didn't lie on principle, and was therefore severely out of practice for this one time when his friend's future depended on it.

Luckily, Yuuri was never known as a smooth talker, and his nervous stuttering and his guilty blush helped aid the picture he was trying to paint in Doria's mind.

"Uh, um... Doria, hi, morning, heh... Hi, this is my, my... _boyfriend_, he's my _boyfriend_, and he's going now... His name is Mu-Murata, and Wolfram doesn't want me to tell people that I'm... I'm g-gay because he's worried for me, so _please_ don't mention that you've seen Wolf- I mean, Murata, or Wolfram would be _annoyed._"

The prospect of having a gay neighbour and his gay lover come visit him only thrilled Doria, as instantly she was all smiles and knowing glances. Also the invocation of Wolfram and his possible wrath worked better as a guarantee of prudence then a death threat would.

Obviously no one would want to _upset_ Wolfram.

But selective speaking was a scary thing; Yuuri suspected that even if Doria laid off telling anyone Wolfram's assumed name and appearance, it wouldn't be long before the entire building knew of his "boyfriend".

Wolfram, who was looking on with understanding gradually dawning had a giant smirk plastered on, and by the stuttered "g-gay" had to fight a very powerful urge to break into laugher and give away the game. The look of horror on Yuuri's face could easily be misinterpreted as intense embarrassment, and he could see that that was what the woman was taking it as.

He really had to leave now, before he was exposed to even more tenants, but it was such a difficult thing to pass up.

_Plus_, Wolfram consoled himself, _after this news of Yuuri's "lover" will spread through the whole building. Gives me useful cover to leave the building with_.

Determined to do his part to strengthen the piece of fiction Yuuri had created, Wolfram's smirk turned into an affectionate grin, before he tapped Yuuri's shoulder.

The blushing wimp turned automatically, to be met with a quick peck to his lips from his "boyfriend", before Wolfram whispered a laughing "See you soon, _dah-ling_"

A quick nod to Doria, and off Wolfram went, sauntering brazenly away to the life of a missing person as Yuuri wondered if he should feel violated or amused.

Doria, near-swooning from the show of _love_, leaned against the doorframe and giggled gently to herself.

Yuuri settled for amusement, smiling broadly at the show of singular, breath-taking swagger from the brat he liked most in the world. The house was going to be very _lonely_ without Wolfram there.

With a sigh Yuuri retreated into his empty apartment, staring longingly at the phone.

***

Boss man had called roughly an hour after, and Yuuri would like to think that his worry was convincing over the phone. Wolfram's bakery owner certainly sounded more anxious by the end of the conversation and had sworn to keep an eye out for the blond who single-handedly made at least half of the daily dessert sale.

_You've got the wrong hair colour_ Yuuri wanted to shout, but didn't, because it was a secret between him and Wolfram, and he wasn't one to tell on a friend.

Unluckily, the man had managed to maneuver Yuuri into telling Wolfram's family that something was off. It was with shaking fingers that Yuuri dialed the house number Wolfram had left him. Celi and Conrad were away, but Gwendal frequently worked from home, so it was most likely that the scary oldest brother would be receiving his call.

The line went unanswered for so long that Yuuri began entertaining the hope that nobody was at home, and he could leave his message on the voice machine.

His hopes were dashed when an annoyed-sounding "Hello?" was growled down the other end.

Yuuri gulped, but tried not to make it too obvious.

"Hello, Mister Voltaire?"

"Who is this?

"Hello, um, we've met before... Um..."

"Who. Is. This?"

"SHIBUYA YUURI SIR!" The sir came naturally. "We met yesterday? I share an apartment with Wolfram. I just wanted to ask-"

"Why did you call this number?"

_Well, if you'd stop sounding like you wanted to kill me over the phone, maybe I'll tell you. God, I hope you don't talk like this to your brothers!_

"Yes, well, his boss called to tell me that he hasn't been in to work, and I haven't seen him since yesterday night... Um, so I was wondering... did he maybe go visit you?"

A short pause.

"No. Are you telling me my brother is missing?"

Delicacy was the name of the game. A man in his thirties did not become the CEO of one of the biggest bank chains in the world by being dumb and gullible. Yuuri had to sound worried but not too worried, confused but not obviously so, annoyed but not too much.

In short, Yuuri had to convey-not convey the emotions a worried housemate would have when his friend disappears. Any scent of a scam, and he suspected that regardless of what Wolfram thought of his family, Gwendal would skin him alive and throw his naked body to the dogs.

_Not good, not good_.

"I don't know! Wolfram's never done this before, and I tried calling him but he didn't answer, and now you say he's not with you! You're his brother! I thought that maybe he's got personal problems or whatever, and he's too shy to talk to me, so he skipped work to speak with his family! If he isn't with you or with me or with his boss, I don't know where he is!"

Yuuri heaved great gasping breaths, having managed to work himself into a frazzled state in the midst of the play-acting.

Or at least, he thought it was play-acting. It _had_ been an hour since Wolfram had left, and still he hadn't called to say he was okay and that he'd met with Murata.

_Maybe he really was kidnapped on his way to meet Murata! Maybe karma is having a private party at our expense because I tried to change Celi's unchangeable family!_

Yuuri had progressed to the state of being very little short of hyperventilating. Usually, when he was freaking himself out, it would be a sharp command from Wolfram "to get a grip of yourself, wimp!" that snapped him out of his manic spiral.

Said healing aura was missing, and, supplied Yuuri's paranoid mind, _probably lying in a ditch somewhere!_

"Cease your anxiety attack, Mister Shibuya" A hand covered the mouthpiece on the other side of the line, and Yuuri could barely make out Gwendal shouting something to an unfortunate person in his home.

Yuuri couldn't spare it much thought though, wildly searching around for a paper bag. The stable part of his mind, the part that was excellent at accounting and filing, it was telling him that his great big flurried panicking was silly and misplaced. There were a thousand logical reasons why Wolfram could have been running late. And even if someone had decided that black-haired Wolfram was an excellent choice for a spot of kidnapping before lunch, Wolf would have proven that tackling a raging bull to the ground would have been an easier option. Wolfram was _fine_.

The part of him that was responsible for sending him into bouts of unawareness, that burrowed into himself so that he could have a quiet place to think, the part that was fuelled by worry and anger and fear, _that_ part was telling him that they had tempted fate with the plan, and Wolfram was gone and it was all his fault.

_Paper bag, paper bag, so help me God my kingdom for a paper bag!_

A few littered his home; Wolfram, like a chiding spouse, had made him memorise where each was kept, so that he could calm his breathing by himself in case of any unforeseen circumstances.

He reached the one that was attached to the refrigerator by the magnet of a little blue dragon, pulling it away and breathing into it as he tried to _stop being so illogical_.

_"...-buya!_ Mister Shibuya!"

Yuuri realised that he could hear Gwendal's voice over the maniacal thumping of his own heart, and hastened to reply.

"Hi... Hi... Huu.... Hi... Hi... Huu... Sorry about that, Mister Voltaire, it's just that...Huu... Wolfram's never left without a word before _ever_, and...Hi, hi.... I'm worried something might've happened to him. He should have left for work before dawn, his shift starts early today and... Hi, hu, hi, hu.... I wasn't awake so-"

"Your rambling is devoid of useful information, Mister Shibuya. An adult is required to be missing for over 48 hours before a police report can be made. However, I understand your concern as Wolfram would never take his responsibilities so lightly. Accordingly I have instructed a few of my personnel to begin searching for him. If he continues in his absence, I will have a meeting with you and the police. I will inform my brother and mother of this. That is all, Mister Shibuya, good day"

The line went dead, and Yuuri dropped the cordless phone, hands still cupping the opening of the bag to his mouth as he took steadying breaths.

_That didn't go to well. Stupid Wolfram, not being faster and calling me earlier and telling me he hasn't been abducted or killed or whatever!_

_Too much stupid activity before it's stupid three o'clock. I've got a headache Wolf, thank you SO much for having a hellhound for an eldest brother, and getting lost or whatever it was that's got you running so late._

His pulse had slowed to almost normal, and Yuuri could think in whole sentences instead of jerky, sudden words. The panic attack had receded, having played its part in convincing Gwendal of Wolfram's disappearance, and like a smug cat fed a bowl of milk it stepped annoyingly away, ready to pounce a return at the slightest provocation.

Yuuri even managed a laugh at his behaviour; it was ridiculous, that a (former) salary man could get so carried away purely by figments of an untethered imagination. The perspiration produced by his minor frenzy had slicked his palms, and small patches of damp bloomed on the paper bag now held scrunched in one hand.

The phone rang.

And only a force of nature could have stopped Yuuri from lunging for the phone. The obstacle posed by the chair didn't stand a chance.

"Hello?!"

"I appear to have pressed Caller I.D by mistake. Excuse me, Mister Shibuya"

The _click_ that accompanied Gwendal hanging up had Yuuri un-scrunching his paper bag, as he tried to fend off both extreme annoyance and niggling fear. Yuuri stood from his frozen-lunge position, having been suspended uncomfortably above ground by the dining table. The phone was slipped into a pocket for easy drawing, and he set about to make a cup of hot, sweet tea.

_Because it's either tea or morphine, and I have only one of those_.

He had managed to calm himself down, absently listening to the kettle softly spewing steam, not bothering to turn off the fire as the metal thing began whistling merrily. The sounds of domesticity helped his addled nerves, so Yuuri simply stood in his tiny kitchen, reminding himself of the millions of reason why this would work.

_Because Wolfram is Wolfram._

_Because Wolfram is Wolfram, and I don't think he's ever done anything bad enough to get negative karma._

_He's got a black belt in something or other, he's a champion fencer, and he can shout a house down._

_The city isn't even that dangerous!_

_Between Wolf and Murata, there should definitely be enough brain to counter anything even fate comes up with... Maybe._

_Because worrying like a stupid wimp won't help Wolf, even if he's in danger right at this very second_.

Warm floating thoughts, inclusive of _what should I have for tea later,_ and the classic _oh my god what would Gisela do to me if it turns out a missing friend isn't a good enough a reason to start work late? _tided Yuuri by for a further hour or so, before the phone rang for the third time.

Yuuri took his time withdrawing it from of his pants, leisurely _myhandsareshaking_ pressing the answer button, putting the earpiece to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey wimp. It's your gorgeous lover, Murata"

"Wol-"

"Call me by name, there's a good little boyfriend. Don't tell me you think more about your housemate than you do of me. Oh, _if people could hear you_"

Which, after some muddling, Yuuri correctly took to mean that in the interest of keeping up appearances, he really _didn't_ know where his friend had gone and he really _did_ have a boyfriend.

It did not stop Yuuri from exhaling a relieved sigh.

"Murata! I'm so glad you're alright. Why the hell did it take you so long to get in touch?"

Wolfram laughed at the pay phone, being careful to keep his voice low to not attract the attention of the other park-goers. Murata looked up from fiddling with his wallet on the bench, but Wolfram waved him away.

"Typical wimp. I had to take a bus, a train, then _walk_ to the park to meet our mutual friend. You underestimated the distance I had to travel. And it really didn't help that I got held up by a thug at the station"

"What?! A thug? I _knew_ I should have followed you! Are you alright? Where are you? Should I call the police? I-"

"Calm down, Yuuri! You'd have caused me even more trouble if you were here. It was nothing; the guy wanted to force me to give him my wallet, but then I kicked him so hard he passed out. I left after that, but it did make me miss the train. Sorry if you were worried, wimp. How have things been going?"

"I've fielded calls like a pro all day. Maybe I should go into telemarketing, that's how great I've been! Gwendal said he's sent out his own men to look for yo- I mean, Wolf, and boss man is keeping his eyes open in case of anything. Nothing went wrong, or anything, only really, waiting two hours to hear from you was nerve-wracking"

"Sounds like you did what you wanted to, Yuuri. That's a relief to hear, and I'll be sure to look out for Gwen's goons. You know, if Doria convinces the rest of the building that we really are _made_ for each other, I might even be able to visit you at home" Yuuri heard a little crackling, before Wolfram started again. "And Murata says hi. You know what, of all the names you could have given me, it _had_ to be one that'll confuse us a lot. I give up, give me back my name"

Yuuri was, of course, delighted.

"Right Wolf! It's a lot nicer than Murata anyways... Don't tell him I said that! Also... well, Wolf, you know how I can scare myself silly sometimes? I did that when I was speaking to your brother... But before you shout at me, it's not my fault! You were already gone for an hour, and he was using his scariest voice and I just... freaked out. I'm perfectly okay now"

"Idiot" It was said with so much affection, Yuuri found it within himself to _c'est la vie_.

"That's what I get for trying to be sympathetic to a brat!"

"Yes, yes, I'm horrible and inconsiderate and rude"

"I didn't mean that!"

"Yeah, right. Listen wimp, I'm going to Murata's house after this, I'll probably start using his cell to call you in case of anything. You want to talk to him? Wait, let me put in another quarter..."

Muffled cursing and the slight _clink!_ of the coins entering the slot, and Wolfram was back on the line.

"I think you _should_ have a chat with your friend, bye wimp, I'm handing him the phone now-"

"But Wolf-"

A cheery voice, sounding much too smug for its own sake cut Yuuri off with an overly-sweet "Shibuya!"

Yuuri sighed. Sometimes he suspected Wolfram was too occupied with being _Wolfram_ to spare a thought for other people's feelings. Like, in this example, _giving Murata the phone when I'm having a stricken-housewife seizure on him being on the run from the law!_

"Hi... Murata..." Yuuri managed weakly.

He could _hear_ the pout, and closed his eyes tightly to ward off the headache he knew was coming. Texting was fine, but any actual attempts at dialogue with Murata broke his brain. The boy couldn't talk straight if his life depended on it.

Not for the first time that day, Yuuri regretted letting Wolfram follow through with his preposterous suggestion.

"Aww, how cute, you're pissed off that pretty Wolf-boy's going to be living with me! Don't worry, I won't defile his innocence or anything, but he really shouldn't flip his hair like a girl so much-"

A loud _thump!_ and Wolfram shouting in the distance, before Murata continued.

"Heh, sorry about that, obviously we still can't make pretty jokes. We're fine Shibuya, warm and free. I'll keep him hidden for as long as you need, and that was a brilliant stroke of genius, to do that to his hair. He's still eye-catching, but I couldn't tell it was him, not until he slammed the cafe door in my face. How often do you want an update from us?"

Yuuri was tempted to say every 5 minutes, then decided that was a little bit too... decadent. Murata _did_ have school, and Wolfram never stopped making noise when he was near, but never _started_ when he was away.

With Wolfram, it was his way or _no way_.

"Anytime anything happens, and I'll return the favour. Hey, the phone must be on the verge of death now, we've been babbling so long... Bye Murata, nice to hear from you again... And look out for the obstinate brat for me, could you?"

Murata's voice had laughter ringing in the words.

"As you wish, Your Majesty! See you when you've rocked Wolfram's world!"

More coins changed ownership, the phone was passed again, and Wolfram was back online.

"Ignore the idiot, princess, he's _stupid. _Tell you what, I'll get a new number so that I can use _my_ cell, I don't think I'd be happy depending on Murata paying his phone bill to keep in touch with you."

A thoughtful pause, and Yuuri _had_ to smile. Wolfram was fighting between his desire to be rude and bratty, and a natural tendency to show that he _cared_.

"Just try not to get yourself killed in an accidental kitchen disaster, while I'm not there to bat out the toaster fire with the doormat."

"Yes, yes, and I'll get you back later for calling me princess, oh Lord of pretty boys. Don't kill Murata just because he's annoying, okay, Wolf, he _is_ doing us a favour."

"Sure, wimp. Now unless you're anxious to reimburse my loss of quarters, I really will go now. See you when I can"

"Good. Bye. Wolf. Ram."

Wolfram snorted.

"Charming. Bye wimp."

The line went dead, the same moment that heavy pounding started in his door.

Yuuri couldn't _quite_ decide which was more menacing.

* * *

A/N: Originally chapter was half as long, but I felt like being generous : ) I'm quite sick right now and so haven't checked the second half of the story; if there're any errors give me a nudge and I'll fix it. I personally like Wolfram being this dashing type, and hope him being depressed about his family does not equal him being emo. Umm, thanks for all the very sweet reviews, and if possible do so again for this chapter. You know I love reading them!


	5. You are the spiciness in my heart

"Would tea be okay? Or a cold drink? Wait, should I even ask if you want drinks? Or food. Do you want food? Damn it, don't look at me like that! _You're_ the ones who came in at a random time, unannounced, and my mother brought me up to entertain well, but I cook food only tired, bias-less young males could bear to eat, so don't give me that look! I'm trying my best you know!"

Yuuri grumbled as he rummaged in the fridge, looking for anything to set in front of the two men sitting at the chairs that had seen no other occupant but the behinds of him and his M.I.A housemate for years.

The grey-haired one, _Gander? Gunner?_ looked apologetic, fidgeting in his seat as he resisted the urge to come to Yuuri's aid.

The other man, _Yo-zack, something, sounded like some Latin gangster rapper, for God's sake,_ all beefed up muscles and shining blue eyes, hair an indecisive orange-yellow-red-brown, simply leaned back, apologised for the intrusion, and grinned a grin that screamed of shamelessness.

Yuuri grumbled away, rounding up half a salad neither he nor Wolfram had much love for, a large bowl-ful of overnight tom yam, stale rice they hadn't had the heart to throw away, a couple of cans of soda, and a pot of lukewarm tea.

He wanted, really _wanted_ to slam the cutlery down on the table, but good manners and the voice of his mother chiding him in the back of his mind stopped him.

Instead, he got out their oldest, most-chipped, battle-worn plates out, with a flowery glass for _Gunter, yes, let's not make it easier for the Japanese to pronounce your name_, and a mug with the words "World's Best!... Failure at Golf" for the _evil laughing man_.

Yuuri stuck to an innocuous bottle of water, having decided that the counter was a lovely place to sit, even without the added advantage of being out of sight for both men unless they painfully craned their necks.

Yozak attacked the meager fare like he'd never seen a plate of food in his life, disgustingly crunching on lettuce even as he thoroughly hid his rice under cold spicy soup.

Gunter and Yuuri were transfixed watching the man eat, unable to speak while Yozak chuckled at, and this was purely Yuuri's conjecture, the challenge posed by the tongue-dissolving spiciness.

The show was brought to an end by the muscular men slurping down the rest of the soup, after asking Gunter if he wanted his share, to which the slighter man had shook his head so hard to that Yuuri entertained the idea of his head flying right off and landing in Yozak's bowl of tom yam.

_He'd probably still eat it too..._

Yozak leaned back into his chair in a slouch, exhaling a happy breath at the sight of bare plates looking back at him. Even the dregs of burnt spices had been mopped up from the bottom of the bowl with the last of the veggies. The pot of tea was down to half its former glory, and the man reached for a soda to keep his full belly company.

There was an awkward pause as Yuuri and Gunter thought and thought about what to say, Yuuri despairing of the fact that despite the years of trauma he had suffered, there were still exceptions to his mother's insane training in courtesy to other people.

Yozak was just a little winded from his swift snarfing.

Yuuri bravely ventured out first.

"So... You guys are Gwendal's employees, right? Umm... Why're you here again?"

Gunter looked so grateful for the opening that Yuuri had his arms raised to defend himself from the threat of hug-happy Gunter. The attack never came, the man having decided to vibrate happily in his chair, but Yuuri never let his guard down.

"Oh, please excuse us Mister Shibuya! Mister Voltaire sent us to meet you, because according to him, you were the last one to see Wolfram before he disappeared"

_Damn it. Lying over the phone is one thing, but face to face? It's not even funny how much I fail at lying. Murata, well Murata could probably convince them he was the Crown Prince of Sweden without a hitch, but me? ME? I couldn't even keep being laid off a secret from Wolfram for an hour! Really, it's dangerous to always tell the truth, honesty stops being what it's cracked up to be when there're psychos and swindlers and nutjobs and dysfunctional families-_

"-Excuse me? Mister Shibuya? Mister Shibuya? We were wondering if you could tell us how you found out that your friend was missing?"

Yuuri snapped out of his self-induced trance, and decided to show these men exactly how nervous he was. With any luck, and Yuuri usually had bucketfuls of _that_, they'd put down his wimpy show of stuttering and nervous laughter to his shock.

"Well... I, didn't I tell Gwendal? I thought I did you know, because it really scared me when I heard, I mean, Wolfram's _so_ responsible, he's _never_ missed a day of work, and he's _Wolfram_, so hearing that it really... Scared me, I guess. You know?"

Yozak turned his chair to see Yuuri better, one arm slung over the top of the chair back, the other resting on the table by his side.

"We don't know, actually. Try again kiddo, and try to be _lucid_ this time. We haven't been roommates for years, and we _don't_ understand your nervous babble. Deep breaths, kid, deep breaths."

Yuuri took a deep swig from the bottle clenched in his hands, tried to look as alarmed but under control as he could manage, and started again.

"Right, sorry. I recently got laid off from my job, so every morning since then I wake up around 8 or 9, something like that. Wolf told me yesterday that his, his shift today started _really_ early, which is his way of saying he'll be out of the house before dawn. And I'm, you know, used to it, because that just is Wolf's schedule. I didn't think much about it, I was distracted, because of... this _new_ job that I'd got, yeah, I was reading up on it. Then around lunch-time Wolf's employer calls, and tells me Wolfram never showed up, and he couldn't reach his cell. _That's_ when I started getting worried."

Yuuri paused for dramatic effect.

"We just went to see Gwendal yesterday, so I thought maybe it was a family matter, that's why Wolf couldn't be reached. So after I tried his cell and that didn't work, I called his brother, to make sure. That's when I found out no one knows where Wolfram is, and when I thought that maybe he _has_ gone missing. Have either of you ever seen him before?"

Both men nodded, and Yuuri bound that to his conclusion with the wave of his hand.

"That's why I'm so worried. Wolf looks like... _himself_, so what if he's been abducted or hurt or lost, or anything!"

Gunter had been taking notes of his account in a little spiral-bound notebook, while Yozak's eyes remained glued to Yuuri's face.

_A-ha! It's like those cops on T.V, trying to catch the bad guy in a lie by reading his body language. Hmph, good luck trying to read me, man. If you ever find out what's under all this crazy, remember to tell me._

"And what about this Murata character? Our intel shows that he was seen leaving the building about an hour before you informed our scary, growly boss man of his missing brother."

Yuuri could have died, but since force of will alone was insufficient to stop a beating heart, his face took comfort in blushing redder than a beet.

"Mu-Murata? He's my... boyfriend, didn't you know?"

Yozak whistled appreciatively.

"He much of a looker, then? Oh, don't worry; I'm not going to hit you with a stick for being pretty, witty and _gay_. I swing for both teams, myself"

_Yes, I definitely needed to be told that the man hunting after my best friend is a bisexual. Friggin' awesome, Wolf. Oh God, please don't let him talk about... sexual positions. Or I will just die at his feet. Now, is my boyfriend much a looker? _

"He's _gorgeous_. If you see him you kindof wonder what the hell he's doing being with _me_, and he's really protective, like a mother hen, only if you try and tell him that, even in a joking way, he'd kick you... Wait, what does this have to do with your case?"

"Nothing. He just seemed interesting."

Yuuri scowled.

"And what about you? Is there any proof that you were actually asleep when Wolfram went missing?"

The boy's eyes widened with shock, before settling into a confused frown.

"Are you saying I'm a suspect?!"

Gunter rushed in to play mediator, begging for calm before the other two start yelling at each other.

"No, Mister Shibuya, we don't mean any offence, we merely wish to gather a comprehensive sequence of events, the better to extrapolate the graph of assumptions to better estimate the accurate situation that has caused the loss of this missing person."

Yuuri roughly guessed that they were just looking for information. The predatory gleam in Yozak's eyes told him that, whatever the airhead said, _yes_, Yuuri was a suspect. Guilty until proven innocent.

"I can't prove I was asleep, can I? You could call my mom, she would tell you I'm incapable of intelligent thought before 8 A.M, if that's useful. And it's happened lots of times before, where one of us goes to work earlier than the other. _This_ has never happened before"

"Any witnesses see Wolfram leave?"

"I wouldn't know, since I was, you know, _asleep._"

"Where were you an hour before Wolfram's employer called you?"

Yuuri was glad that this part did not require lying. Much lying, anyways.

"Home, here. With... Murata."

Yozak quirked an eyebrow.

"Oho? And how do we find your _friend_ to have a chat with him too?"

There was a sputtering as Yuuri choked on his water, before he spat a mouthful into the sink by his side. Coughing to clear his abused throat, Yuuri looked disbelievingly at Yozak, Gunter now a silent blur at the side.

"You _must_ be joking. My roommate goes missing, you come into my house and ask _insulting_ questions, and now you want me to let you terrorise my friend? Hah! You must be dreaming. You guys aren't even the police, and I _know_ Murata would not want to get annoyed by something like this. Besides, he's a bit... short-tempered, God help you all if you get him angry"

Yuuri crossed his arms.

"Overall, you guys are way too impolite for me to _want_ to let you meet my M-Murata. He'd kill me if both of you go bother him."

Yozak seemed pleased with the reply, laughing loudly as he tapped his chin. Gunter found his voice again, and felt absolutely terrible that he had to put a damper on the almost-pleasant mood.

"We will not push to meet Mister-... Murata, Mister Shibuya, but if Wolfram remains missing and the police get involved, I think I should warn you that they will probably need to meet with your... _friend_ to verify things."

Yuuri paled.

_Damn it. _

"I don't think even the police will have a fun time if they catch him in a bad mood... God knows I don't even know why he's involved with this missing person thing."

Yozak scratched his nose. "How close are you with Wolfram?"

"We share the apartment, and we've been friends since school. I think I'm not just being one-sided here when I say we're quite close." Yuuri tilted his head to one side in confusion. Yozak asked the most inappropriate questions.

"And would you say Murata was a very protective kind of guy?"

"He would make the Queen's Secret Service look like a bunch of teenaged drugged out music students. I had to stop him from going after my former employer when I was laid off. And one time I got lost visiting a friend out of town, I called him, and he dropped everything to come and get me. His boss wanted to fire him after that, but I went and apologised, so W- we got off okay. Murata. And me." Yuuri couldn't help the nervous laugh that accompanied the recollection of _some_ of the insanity that was day-to-day living with Wolfram Von Bielefeld.

_Come to think of it, he sounds a hell of a lot like a seriously caring boyfriend. And I sound like a seriously wimpy girlfriend. Weeeiiiird._

"Maybe Murata was jealous of your friend Wolfram? Could be a, you know, crime of passion, for you. This is why we need to talk to everyone involved directly and indirectly, Mister Shibuya."

_Somehow I don't think that's likely._

"You've seen Wolfram, and you know how cool his family is... If anything I'd worry more about Murata switching boyfriends than him doing anything to Wolfram! You guys could figure that out too. If you actually thought about it. Yeah"

Yozak looked him up and down, stared blankly for a moment, and vehemently nodded his agreement.

Yuuri was just the slightest bit annoyed. _Hey! I'm not bad! Sure I'm no looker next to Wolf, but it doesn't mean my boyfriend would leave me so easily!_

The boy then gave himself a once over.

_Wait... Who am I even kidding? If I had a real one, my boyfriend would be shoving me out of the way to get to Wolfram. Hah, I probably wouldn't have time to have a boyfriend, the guy'd go for Wolfram so fast. And girls too, actually._

"See? If you're going for the crime of passion angle, most probably I'd have been the one abducted so that Wolf has an empty opening for a new house mate. Since they'd bypassed me and went straight for him, God be with you when you go and ask _all_ his fans."

Yuuri scratched his chin the way he believed deep in his heart intelligent people do.

"I think our old school still has a fanclub for him, or something. The headmaster's wife has a soft spot for Wolf, and she makes him drop by at least once a year to send cakes or anything, as an excuse to see him and giggle."

"You sure know a lot about your friend, kid. I didn't find out the family name of my old room mate until he'd moved out and I found a bill of his under the couch."

Yozak was suspicious, but Yuuri just sighed. The friendship he had with Wolfram was a weird, _whole_ one. They looked out for each other, nagged each other, beat each other up, kept each other company. There wasn't much one didn't know about the other.

"Wolf's always been horrible at saying no to girls, I think his mom taught him never to be rude to ladies, but Wolf's so... _intense_, you know, so now he can't really deny women anything. So he brings me along when he has to go to school, so that she's too shy to outright tell him she'd leave her husband for him. It happens a lot to Wolf, and I took pity on him, so I usually tag along to keep things... umm, platonic? Between everyone. When I'm free, at least."

"Mister Shibuya... I think I ought to mention that the both of you sound very much like a married couple." Gunter twittered nervously, hand never stopping from writing God knew what in his notebook.

Yuuri felt incredibly old, suddenly.

"It's hard for most people to understand the way we live. Wolfram is one of a kind, and I'm about as normal as you can get, so things are always harder for him than me, so I automatically try to look after him. Only Wolf doesn't like receiving help, but in most cases he can't _help_ but need help, so he has his "revenge" by fussing after me worse than my mother. I guess it's kind of weird, but we've been friends for so long, I can't say I care anymore what anyone thinks. Mostly because what most people think is so far from the truth it isn't funny."

He shrugged, and rubbed his temple. Like every single other occasion, trying to understand just what exactly was his bond to Wolfram always succeeded in giving him a headache. It was too hard to understand, and Wolfram was the one with the way with words.

He couldn't string a poetic sentence together if someone put a gun to his head and threatened him.

"Just... I want him to be okay. Whatever you guys do, make sure Wolf's okay, because the brat is too hard-headed to _tell_ me even when he's not okay, and for all I know there were hints of this before this, and I didn't notice because I'm oblivious that way. So ask whatever, do whatever, eat whatever, _what_ever, just make sure he's safe and happy and alright. I miss him scolding me already."

"How romantic!"

Yuuri groaned.

* * *

It was early the next morning when Yuuri's cell phone started ringing annoyingly. He groused and grumbled as he slithered across the bed to the nightstand, hand blindly reaching for the source of the annoyance.

"Ha...ro?"

"Wimp, it's 7 a.m, get up already!"

Yuuri would have liked to say he shot up out of bed at the sound of Wolfram's voice, but that would be a foul lie. He hadn't been joking when he had told Gwendal's men he was a useless lump of uselessness before 8.

"Wolf?... What're you... doin' so early?"

There was a snort on the other end of the line, before Wolfram's disembodied voice sung into his ear again.

"It's past dawn, Yuuri. It's early only to you. Now wake up properly or something, morning's the only time I think we can talk without anyone dropping in"

Yuuri groaned. Dawn might have broken, but if outside didn't look as though it was being lit by an enormous 80 watt bulb, it was too early.

"Wai' a mo."

"Hurry, wimp. I'm paying for this call."

He grunted, set the phone on the side table, and lumbered to the bathroom, turning the tap for cold water on and trying to avoid falling asleep and bludgeoning himself against the sink.

The water was icy in the morning, and a splash was enough to have Yuuri gasping for air, alertness burnt in cold fire along the planes of his face. He splashed once more for good measure, and wiped his face dry, hurrying back to the phone.

"Wolf? I'm up now. What's up?"

There was a ruffling sound, and Yuuri guessed it was Wolfram unpacking, or at least the blond was rummaging through something. It was ungodly really, how the other boy was such an early riser. It made Yuuri feel like a heavy-arsed slob.

"Just wanted to know how yesterday went. I'm sure Gwendal's men tried to bully you but had to concede defeat to your charming wimpiness."

Yuuri yawned and walked to the kitchen, putting the kettle on. A hot cup of tea always helped his lucidity. He couldn't stop smiling though; despite the horrible timing, listening to Wolfram's voice after almost a day's absence made him feel unexplainably better. Even the vague insults were pleasant.

"Yeah, yeah. They found out about my _boyfriend_, thanks to that stunt you pulled in the hallway. I think I dissuaded them from the idea of looking for 'Murata', but you never know. There were two guys, one this brawny beefy dude with toothpaste commercials for teeth, the other one really slender and girly, his hair was _so_ long..."

Yuuri recounted the harrowing event from yesterday, Wolfram interrupting with a question or a laugh or his own little story.

"I've been fine, Murata's apartment is way bigger than ours! The pervert's continuing his studies, and got some kind of scholarship for extremely intelligent people, and his rent allowance... makes my paycheck look just a little bit sad. Anyways, I get my own room, there's a computer and a TV and everything. Feels like a vacation more than a covert operation for me, Yuuri."

Yuuri changed ears, and whooped quietly for Wolfram's break. The blond always did have a problem spending the paid off-days he got from work, always itching for action, anxious to _do_ something.

A self-imposed break would do him more good than harm, Yuuri was sure.

"Sounds wonderful, Wolf. I think I'll be getting lots more visits today, it'll have been a day since you've gone, bet you there'll be photographers hounding me before long!"

"Again, wimp, I have to tell you not to get your hopes up so high. Anyways, I'll be back in a few days, after my brother gets bored of being a Good Samaritan."

"Wolf!" Yuuri frowned at his phone, knowing that Wolfram could feel his displeasure on the other end. _He has to stop being so negative and pessimistic! That was a sad thing to say, even for Wolf at his angstiest!_

There was a sigh, and Yuuri could _hear_ Wolfram massaging his temples. He always did get a headache every time the subject of his family was broached.

"I won't take back the truth, you know. But Yuuri, I think the radiation from my phone is killing brain cells, so I'll catch up with you later. Wish you were here-"

"You sound like a postcard!"

"-My god, I _try_ to be caring and attentive, and you call me a postcard. Of all the-"

Yuuri pouted, not caring in the least that his friend couldn't see him.

"Wolf, you should know you don't have to be anything but yourself when you're talking to me. Wimpiness doesn't suit you! I prefer good ol' hell-hath-no-fury-like-my-friend Wolf any day! I, however, can say I miss you without sounding out of character!"

There was a short pause, before Wolfram sighed a resigned sigh.

"Can't win with you, wimp. Just promise to take care of yourself, okay?"

"If I got into a coma while you were away you'd just knock me out of it to shout some sense into me. There's nothing to worry about, Wolf!"

Warmth threaded its way through Wolfram's words.

"You know me best, Yuuri. See you again soon, wimp."

Yuuri felt just a little bit giddy, a little bit more light-headed than he usually felt when Wolfram called him by his name. It was an unexplainably pleasant feeling.

"Where'd I be without the world's angriest blond beating me into shape? Bye bye Wolf."

_Now, it's 7.30 in the morning, I have no job and no friends, what should I do?_

Yuuri decided that a spot of day-dreaming would do him good, and settled down comfortably into the chair, elbow on the table, palm cupping his chin, other hand nursing his cup of tea.

_Wonder what Wolf's doing, since he's not at work? Did Murata cook breakfast, or did Wolf? He makes the most delicious French toast, but he only makes them for special occasions, the other half of the time I have to cook for him. He's probably painting... I think he brought his art box along with him, and since he told me the arts was frowned upon in his family, they probably don't even know he paints, so they won't notice that it's missing. _

Yuuri sipped his tea, and frowns, because for the first time in a very long time, something occurred to him as being just slightly weird.

_It's really unusual, right, to know just a friend so well? I know I've been with Wolf since birth or something, but I've known other people just as long, and I don't even know what Shouri's favourite colour is. Somehow I don't think we're entirely normal, me and Wolf... It's like, we're in love or something!_

Yuuri laughed loudly at the absurdity of it all, nearly choking on his drink while he did it, but the laughter slowed then died in his throat, because things made _sense_ that way.

_Holy... cucumber! I can't be that way, right? Who's ever heard of a boy being gay for his friend for __**years**__without noticing it? And I like girls! They're so pretty and soft. Besides, being concerned for a friend doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means I'm... easily concerned._

Yuuri frowned. His train of thought had run off its rails and was now heading into the Great Unknown.

_I am straight. I think. Is it normal to be a 20-something year old virgin? If it is, I'm definitely a straight-hitter, but if not.... God, does it mean I swing for both teams, then? Like that Yozak guy? I've never stared at other guys! Other guys stare at Wolfram! Does it mean Wolfram naturally attracts homosexuals, or what? If it means that, then doesn't it mean that I'm gay because I've been following him or been followed by him almost my entire life? How can I tell if I'm in love or not? This is so stupid!_

He wished he was on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, because then at least he could have three lifelines.

The host would stare at him over the top of his question cards, eyes sharp and laughing in evil glee, because no way in hell would he get the answer to this.

"Are you in love with Wolfram Von Bielefeld?"

A) Yes

B) No

C) His Mother

D) Neither of us are gay, you faggot

And Yuuri would stare at him, because the question was so unexpected, and it was the only thing standing between him and a million dollars, and he didn't know the answer, because love was a million things to a million people, and maybe what he thought of as love wasn't really, or maybe it was, or maybe...

And as is the right of the contestant, Yuuri would have his three lifelines, and he'd stare at them on the little screen in front of him, praying for enlightenment so that he could find peace and understanding. When it didn't come, he would opt for the Final Phone call.

And that would end with a fireworks show, undoubtedly.

Because who else would he call, but the ever-present Wolfram, who couldn't be with them in the studio today due to business-related activities?

No one. So Yuuri would shakily ask for a call to the man in question, and Wolfram in his best growly voice would bark into the phone, because it was interrupting him, "Hello?"

"Wolf?"

And Wolfram would drop everything he was doing to concentrate on Yuuri.

_Holy cucumber. I think I just might be having my second ever crush ever. On Wolf. Who climbed out the fire escape when those people from the magazine came to take pictures of him for the World's Top Ten Hottest Men_. _Whose personal wealth could buy Fiji. My God. My God. Oh My God. This is so... And I'm so... God. Wolfram, I'd ask you to help me, but you'd probably kill me dead if you found out about this! Whatever 'this' happens to be. My God._

If he was in the game show, really in the show in real life, and that question came up, and he did call Wolfram, Yuuri now had the sickening feeling that he would answer "A!" the moment he heard the blond's voice.

_Well... Look on the bright side. At least I know that when I obsess over him it's not because I have some mental condition no one's ever heard of before. I'm just maybe quite possibly very slightly almost unnoticeably gay... for Wolfram._

Yuuri wondered if he would die if he hit his head hard enough against the table.

_What if Wolfram finds out and never wants to see me ever again? It's one thing when it's gorgeous salary men with mansions and twelve cars and stuff that are going after him. Me? I'm about to embark on the magical journey of being a receptionist in a clinic. I'd say no to me, and I'm me! And I was the one who sounded so against Wolf dating guys that night! Now I'm the one sitting by myself fantasising about us... About there actually being an "Us"!_

_Holy cucumber. Should I even tell him?_

If that was a bonus question on the game show, and Yuuri opted for the help of the audience, the majority of votes would have been sitting heavily on a big, loud "Yes!"

* * *

A/N: One of the few times I've felt completely pleased with myself was writing Yuuri's revelation. It's a favourite of mine, how spazzy and creeped out and silly he is about it all XD The Who Wants To Be a Millionaire sequence came up because I was listening to Jai Ho and thinking about Slumdog Millionaire. Umm, if I haven't mentioned this yet, if nothing else I completely adore Yuuri and Wolfram in this AU. If it seems sudden to you, well, I don't share your vision then. Read and review, please~


	6. When in doubt, throw sparkles about

Note: Pretty odd dream sequence, you'll notice when it hits you.

* * *

"Look... Don't you think that if this was a simple case of him leaving to, to... meet the proctologist," Yuuri glared at Gwendal, who looked unrepentant for making such a ridiculous claim."-he would have been back by now?"

Celi positively vibrated with worry, and Yuuri couldn't help but avert his eyes from the screen the blond woman was on, the little SONY teleconferencing thing set on the dining table.

Yuuri had the distinct impression that the small black clamshell was the most expensive thing his table would ever feel. Wolfram's family being themselves, the machine probably cost more than their flat.

"I have no intention of leaving any stone unturned, Mister Shibuya-"

"Oh Gwennie, how can you be so silly when my baby Wolfie is missing?!"

Celi's normally high-pitched voice would have deafened dogs with the tinny screech that came through the speakers. Gwendal's frown grew deeper, much to Yuuri's surprise, and even the normally painfully polite Japanese boy discreetly covered his ears with his palms.

"I have informed the police, mother, as well as the security sector of our corporation. Conrad will be home tomorrow to join the search, and a picture of Wolfram has been sent to the press. If he was indeed kidnapped, he would have to be kept in a basement under lock and key twenty-four hours a day, every day to avoid detection."

The scary man shuffled through important looking papers in his hand, muttering something angrily under his breath, as Fan Fan made his way onto the screen, slinging a comforting arm around a distraught, still sun-tanning Celi.

"If he persists in being missing, every single person with a television will know his face by the end of the week. The police have been... _persuaded_ to put a substantial amount as a reward for information."

Yuuri tried not to let the realisation that the police force were all afraid of Gwendal scare him too much. His prospects if he was arrested, thought Yuuri, wouldn't be very good.

"Umm... Mister Voltaire.... Wolf's only been missing for a day. Just wondering, because I'm his best friend and I'm _really_ interested in knowing how we... plan to find him, yeah, how did you get all this coverage so fast?"

The man looked at him like Yuuri had just asked the most unintelligent thing in the world, and even Celi stopped hugging Fan Fan to gape at Yuuri. The boy laughed nervously, ruffling his hair.

_This is Wolf's brother and mother I'm talking to. His family. The people I'd-... someone would need to get permission from before he could formally court Wolf._

_I meant she. Totally she, not he._

Yuuri groaned and buried his face in his hands, wondering just how far the morning's revelation would bury him in insanity. It was only a few hours since then, and he was thinking like a nervous boyfriend. It wasn't pretty in his mind, thought Yuuri. It wasn't pretty at all, and he wouldn't get pink clouds and fluffy bunnies back until he had straightened out whatever it was he had in his mind with Wolfram.

Celi mistook the gesture as Yuuri being in despair for not being in the know in their dashing plan to rescue baby Wolf, and squealed so painfully that Yuuri _knew_ his glass had cracked.

"Gwennie, Yuuri's worried about our Wolfram too! I think you should tell him all your plans! Keep him in the loop! Because you're worried very much too, right, cutie?"

_Oh God no! Not more of Gwendal barging in at a weird hour and glaring at me for no reason!_

Outwardly, Yuuri offered a tremulous smile in the direction of the pinhole camera, and said that he really would like to know more about finding Wolfram.

Seeing as how most people couldn't go against their mothers' wishes even if she was thousands of miles away, Gwendal just rubbed his temple, did some weird breathing exercise, before he continued.

"I have contacts in the police department, the television networks, and a few senior members of newspaper publications. Many people owe me a favour in this city, and they would jump at the first opportunity to repay me. The longer they owe me, the more interest I accumulate."

"I... see. That doesn't sound very... nice."

"I have no intention of being 'nice' when the heir to one of the largest personal fortunes I have ever managed disappears."

And Yuuri worried that maybe Wolfram was right, because what Gwendal said seemed to put more importance in Wolfram's financial value than his worth as _family_.

_If this goes on Wolfram'll never want to talk to them again!_

Yuuri decided to play the dumb card, because he knew it would appeal to Celi, and because by the way Gwendal looked at him, the man's opinion of him couldn't be lower if Yuuri had torn off his clothes, threw all their eggs on the floor and started singing about the virtues of being a vegan.

He winced internally, because no man should ever to be forced to do what said man had once been forced to read from his mother's disgusting, icky romance manga.

_It's for Wolfram_.

And like even before Yuuri had his possibly Earth-shattering moment of insight, doing something for Wolfram's sake gave him courage.

So Yuuri clasped his hands, widened his eyes in the general direction of the overhead lighting hoping they would _sparkle_, and smiled his biggest smile.

"Oh, I get it! It's the power of your love for your darling cute baby brother that's let you be so efficient and quick!"

He thought Gwendal would lunge across the table and throttle him, but both men were disorientated by the sheer deafening effect of Celi's giggling, the woman clasping her hands as Yuuri did and shouting something about "a brother's love!" and "how cute Gwennie is when he's trying to be Wolfie's superhero!"

With the black look of murderous intent that Gwendal shot him, Yuuri knew that the man was seriously considering offing him in his sleep.

* * *

Gwendal had left immediately after gruffly growling out his outline for the search, and Yuuri's polite smile felt just a little manic after the third mention of "SWAT" and fifth mention of "the U.N"

_I think even I underestimated what they'd do just to find Wolfram! I think... I think I might be killed when they find out I was the one that told Wolf to do this._

Because there were _six_ mentions of the word "all-terrain reconnaissance", and if Gwendal was rolling out helicopters on day two of Operation: Bond Wolfram and his Family, he'd probably call in assassins by day four.

Apparently Yozak and Gunter had told Gwendal what they had found out, and after the comment about "brotherly love!", Gwendal found it his sacred duty to grill for every ounce of information about "this Murata man you were seen with yesterday morning".

Yuuri lied as best he could, randomly picking a birth date and hometown based on the expiry date of the juice he had poured for himself and the small map taped to the fridge.

Celi had apparently decided that the Heavens could never be cruel to a face as cute as Wolfram's, and had lost all signs of distress when she began cooing and chuckling as Yuuri was asked about his 'boyfriend'.

"I didn't know you went for guys, Yuuri! It's a pity you didn't go for my baby, you two would make such a great couple!" Yuuri accepted this as a divine way of telling him that his crush wasn't disgusting and foul; he had Wolfram's mother's blessing already.

The woman had leaned forwards to the camera, her breasts swaying hypnotically, barely constrained by the bikini she wore. Yuuri thought he would start crying tears of blood from the amount of the red stuff rushing to his face.

"Tell us more!"

And suddenly in-disguise Wolfram was a clarinetist, worked as a graphics designer, liked turtleneck shirts, and had a caffeine addiction he had been struggling with for years.

"Poor dear!"

* * *

_Really,_ thought Yuuri as he settled more comfortably in his chair, cold soda can held to his forehead, _the things I do for you, Wolf._

He couldn't decide over his feelings, couldn't actually tell if he was in love or being delusional from the lack of Wolfram. Or if being delusional _because_ of the lack of Wolfram meant that he automatically coveted his friend's body, or if he even actually wanted Wolfram's body, and what it meant if maybe it was love but he felt blinding fear at the thought of the more physical aspects of a relationship with a boy.

_Who can I talk to about this?! Don't most people just know if they're in love? I don't think Juliet decided that she had the hots for Romeo when Romeo was off being cool or whatever and Juliet was daydreaming! What kind of an idiot would even maybe realise something like this suddenly?_

He popped open the can, guzzling the drink despite the fact that it was one of the overly-sweet fruit-flavoured ones that Wolfram adored and Yuuri avoided. Thinking too much was over-heating his brain, and while he really should call Wolfram to tell him about Gwendal, Yuuri was afraid that his jittery nerves would break and tell all the moment he heard Wolfram answer his phone.

_You know, I'm just going to text him. Then at least I won't hear his voice and be stupid about it!_

Yuuri cackled victoriously to himself, proud that he had bought himself some more time to do... _something_ about his newfound feelings, that might actually have been really old feelings that he'd never had an occasion to look at before.

"_Ur lordship"_

It seemed safe enough to use one of his nicknames for the other boy. In case Gwendal did track down 'Murata' and confiscated Yuuri's phone, Yuuri would rather not type Wolfram's name out. He couldn't be sure which brother would kill him first if he did.

"_Growly man came, sexy queen said hi. Thy sendg cavalry out 4 wolf, read abt it in paper. Told u thy wld go crazy to find wolf. Dun call, m busy."_

He reread it and guessed that nobody would be able to understand his text, and Yuuri smiled happily at his little show of genius as he pressed "send".

Yuuri set down his phone on the table, and started washing the dishes he had used to eat on and serve Wolfram's family with. The pleasant sensation of doing mind-numbing chores overtook Yuuri, and before he knew it he was arranging tinned foods in order of size, as well as mentally coming up with a list of groceries he needed. The beds in both his and Wolfram's rooms were made up, and Yuuri was just about to have at the tub with the grout remover before he heard the unmistakable sound of his message alert tone.

"_Sorry im late, was showering. Wtf wimp. Speak English, Yuuri. And busy with what?"_

_"No swearing in texts, brat. Wolf's angry bro came and askd more qstns, hs mum was on skype or sumthg. Dey r callg d newspapers, tv channels, police, helicopters, to look for Wolf. Be careful. Jst busy, shaddup"_

_"Spell out the words, damnit. Text messages don't cost dat much, n if you still insist they're too expensive, I'll pay ur stupid bill. What was the brother's reason to look for Wolf? And you r nvr busy wimp"_

_"I'm trying to deal with something, ok! BUSY D: Bro talk too much, maybe call later, I can quote"_

_"Don't you emoticon me! D: Take that wimp. My furrowed eyebrows are WAY MORE furrowed, ha! Nyways, I'll call later. Deal with what?"_

Wolfram was genuinely worried. Yuuri had always been the dependable, reliable sort, and the blond was worried that as he was lounging around in front of the TV. eating Murata's imported snacks, Yuuri was in trouble. He would have dropped the potato chips and called immediately to demand what was wrong, but Yuuri didn't want him to, so Wolfram comforted himself by tapping the keypad like he had never tapped it before.

Yuuri didn't know what to say. He knew he had to say _something_, or the short-tempered blond might just call him despite his plea, or worse yet, Wolfram might actually venture back home just to shout at him. And that wouldn't be good. Because if he was spotted by one of Gwendal's drones, or if Doria figured it out, then all the effort they had put into this venture would have been pointless. Also, with his emotional balance in even more turmoil than usual, Yuuri doubted his reaction to Wolfram would be very.... normal.

It was a problem then that Yuuri wasn't a very good liar, and of all the people to whom he sucked at lying, his mother was the worst, and Wolfram came up a close second. He couldn't even _text_ a lie.

"_/3 love problems ;_; " _

And if Wolfram had slow reflexes, he wouldn't have been able to catch his phone before it dropped into his cup of chocolate, having let go of it from the shock of the reply.

_Yuuri has love problems?_

Wolfram put words to his questions.

"W_imp, what???"_

"_talk later Wolf ): "_

Wolfram reclined back into the cushions in utter disbelief, and Yuuri stuck his head under the sink, cold tap open to the fullest, hoping the water would wash away the furious blush on his face.

* * *

His phone rang again a while later, and at first Yuuri didn't even want to touch it, for fear that it was actually Wolfram, at the end of his patience, shouting and demanding what was wrong and why Yuuri was avoiding him (because Yuuri _never _chose to text when the option of calling was there.), and _then_ it would really be out of the frying pan and into the fire.

He talked himself into being brave, and did quickly glance at the caller I.D. on the small screen before hurriedly pressing the answer button.

It was Conrad.

"Yuuri? Is this a bad time?"

_Of course it's a bad time! Being alone means all I've had to do today is think about Wolfram, so I'm dangerously close to calling you big brother, so yes it's a bad time, but no, I won't say anything!_

Yuuri laughed his trademark nervous laugh. Regardless of the situation, Conrad's smooth, solid voice was comforting.

"It's worse for you, Conrad! It's your brother that's missing"

There was a slight pause, and Yuuri felt guilty for blatantly rubbing what must be salt into the other man's wounds.

"I heard... about Wolfram. I feel terrible that I wasn't even in the same _country_ when he was taken, Yuuri. I called to ask if there's been any developments"

There was another pause before Conrad continued.

"And it's already been two days, but still there's no trace of him"

The man sounded utterly dejected, and Yuuri nodded in sympathetic understanding. Conrad had always seemed like the more obviously affectionate of the two brothers, but Wolfram seemed to ignore any gesture of brotherly love, always keeping Conrad at arm's length.

Yuuri never understood why that was, but Wolfram was an individual with a weird mixture of illegible complexity and incredible simplicity. He meant everything he said; with Wolfram words weren't allowed to be wasted on dishonesty. But his reasoning for saying what he said, doing what he did... Those operated on a field of understanding that Yuuri doubted he could ever understand.

The best he could do was stick by the blond's side, medical kit at the ready for when the hard-headed idiot got hurt being Wolfram.

"Wolfram's... Wolfram, Conrad. I think if he was kidnapped, he'll scare his abductor so much the guy'd drop him off at home with a note pinned to his shirt saying 'sorry'"

"Yuuri, I appreciate you being optimistic, but... as you said, Wolfram's Wolfram. They will probably demand a ransom, or _worse_, Wolfram would enrage them so much that he would... get...hurt", he finished lamely.

Yuuri obviously knew that there was zero chance of that happening. The worst that could happen would be Murata trying to grope the blond, but even then it would be Murata being sent to the hospital with a fractured arm, Wolfram standing at the side with a grim smile, cracking his knuckles.

What else could he say?

"Have faith in your brother, Conrad. I know I trust Wolfram to be okay."

The other man sighed.

"I have faith that my brother could survive on a desert island for ten years with nothing more than the clothes on his back and a hardcover edition of Sherlock Holmes. It's the bastard doing this that I can't make myself trust"

And since Yuuri was, _technically_, the "bastard doing this", he allowed himself just a tiny squeak of terror at the blood-thirsty sound of Conrad's voice.

_Oh, this is all going to end so well._

* * *

Night-time. _Wolfram didn't call_.

Things that go bump in the night include confused young men worrying about their love lives in the midst of a kidnapping falling off a super-single bed onto the floor.

* * *

The heat was stifling, though Yuuri couldn't understand why. This close to the ground, he was so _far_ from the sun, so why was it so _hot_?

Yuuri irritatedly tugged at the pigtails his mother liked so much, trying to dislodge them, but pudgy fingers couldn't grip the smooth bands well enough for him to pull them off. Yuuri pouted, tugged once more for good measure, and gave up, toddling to a bench.

He pouted even more when his short legs couldn't quite propel him onto the bench, Yuuri kicking fruitlessly for a few moments before he was seated.

So _hot_. But there's an ice cream in his hand, and it's strawberry, and Yuuri happily began licking at it, looking at the sky.

There was a cute cloud in the shape of a bunny rabbit with boxers on. Yuuri laughed at it, and the great white fluff turned to face him. Yuuri waved. The rabbit waved back, before floating away.

Yuuri returned his attention to his ice cream. There was a second scoop now.

A blob materialised on the edge of young Yuuri's vision, getting closer and closer until the blob made sense and now a few angry-looking men stood in front of him.

Gangsters. Yuuri just _knew_. Bleached hair? Check. Scars? Check.

Black high school uniform? _Check_.

The leader was a tall, snarling man, face creased with a hundred, a thousand, no, a _million_ frowns, blue eyes glinting somewhere in the displeasure. Small, doll-like spectacles peeked from the man's breast pocket.

Yuuri looked longingly at the man's swinging pony-tail, wishing his hair would swish the way the man's dark-grey hair did. Even when there was _no_ wind.

They stared at each other for a while, Yuuri contemplatively licking his ice cream.

That is, until a brunette dressed all in white padding appeared suddenly.

Waving an elongated ladle and shouting "Ole! Ole!", the man ran with a manic grin on his face, before being seemingly struck by an idea. He barrelled towards Yuuri, before vaulting over the bench in one smooth movement, running off into the horizon still shouting at the top of his head.

The last phrase that Yuuri heard clearly was "Avast ye mateys! Be afraaaaaaaid, for it is I! Brown beard!"

One of the frowning man's henchmen coughed like he was trying to stop laughing, and Yuuri stared at the orange hair trying to remember... _something_, before returning to gaze at Frown Man.

"What'chu looking at, huh, punk? 'Chu want some of this?"

Yuuri continued staring. The ice cream, though now left untended, did not drip.

Frown Man sneered.

"'Chu think 'chu be brave, then, girrrrrrrrrl?"

Yuuri nodded.

"Oh! Oh! You think you arrrrrre something else, huh? Well, I am going to_ skin you alive, then toss your bleeding body into a tub of salty water so salty it's watery salt, then I'll flay you in my million dollar Panasonic oven, yes I will, this is what you get for kidnapping my baby bro-"_

"Hush your rude words, foul-mouthed cretin!"

Yuuri whipped his head to the left, in the direction of the voice. A splendid sight greeted him.

A blond man, _a prince! a prince!_ had popped into the scene, astride a gleaming white unicorn with ribbons threaded in its mane. The man was dressed in finery so shiny and glinty and sun-catchy that Yuuri couldn't quite _see_ what the blond was wearing.

He did _know_ who it was, though. _Of course_ he knew.

Yuuri struggled to his feet on the bench, small palms pressing against oddly-smooth wood, before launching himself at the blond who had dismounted.

"Wolfram!"

The pat on his head was _heavenly._

_"_Ah, fair Yuuri! Did that terrible man hurt you?"

Yuuri shook his head no. Frown Man turned his attention to Wolfram, and the blond prince swung Yuuri to his other hip, the dark-haired child holding on rapturously.

Wolfram's frown was somehow inexplicably scarier. The gang leader twitched.

"You, sir?"

The taller, bigger, older male twitched his head in a semi-nod.

"Ever had your teeth knocked out while your mouth was still closed?"

Every single face paled but for Yuuri's and Wolfram's. The ladle-wielding nut had reappeared, now standing beside the orange-haired henchman.

"Unless it interests you, you weird, angry little man, begone!"

And everyone else disappeared in a purple poof!

Even the unicorn, Yuuri noted sadly.

Wolfram sat them both on the bench. Yuuri's feet could touch the ground now. Wolfram leaned against him, blond head on his shoulder.

"I don't know how to do it, you know. I never said that I'd be the one punching. Don't know why people always believe the threat"

"Thanks for running them away, Wolf"

The blond waved his hand in denial.

"No biggie, little Yuuri."

The bunny cloud passed again, but Yuuri was too busy kissing Wolfram (_and getting kissed back!)_ to notice.

* * *

A/N: I completely forgot about posting this. Sorry it's so late on a Wednesday it's a Thursday for some, it's been a long day. I'm looking forward to next week, I'll have a bit more time to work on this story (at the rate it's being posted, I'll run out very soon, so hope I get inspired if you want regular updates XD). Also, sorry for the variation between chapter lengths. While writing I wasn't thinking about when to stop that made things even, so some are long and some are short. Bear with, that'd be nice.

Thanks for reading!


	7. To 'balls up' is to become brave

The sound of his cell woke him up, and again it was _early_, and again Yuuri muttered incoherently into the mouthpiece.

"Ghfra?"

Luckily, Wolfram understood Yuuri-speak, even if it was the obscure dialect of daybreak-Yuuri.

"Morning, Yuuri. You aren't allowed to hang up until you tell me what the _hell_ is going on."

Uh-oh. Yuuri was still incredibly groggy, but he remembered snippets of his bizarre dream with the all-star cast. Being kissed back had made his morning a lot... _harder_ that it should've been.

Yuuri blushed at the sound of Wolfram's voice. It was too early, his mental defenses wouldn't be properly set up until _noon_, and his life was getting _harder_. What Yuuri really needed was-

"Wolf... I think I need to take a... _really_ cold shower before I can talk."

_There. Wolfram will think I'm very groggy, and he won't suspect anything!_

There was a brief pause on Wolfram's end.

The blond chose his words carefully.

"Is this because of... _love_ problems?"

Oh! Streamers are metaphorically falling from the sky! Wolfram has hit the nail _right on the head_.

Yuuri's blush turned an unhealthy scarlet, and he began sputtering.

"Uh, um... But, Wolf, I mean.... What?! What're you tal-... _talking_ about?"

Wolfram sighed.

"It _is_ because of your love troubles then. Yuuri, I'm a guy too, and the kind of trouble you're talking about... I'll call back in a half hour, wimp."

Yuuri wondered if it was possible to hear a blush over the phone, before groaning and wrenching himself off the floor towards the kitchen.

He needed _ice _for his bath this morning.

* * *

"You decent now?"

"Shut up, you. I don't know what you thought my problem was, you pervert, but you were _wrong_, all right?"

Wolfram snorted.

"Right. And I'm a flaming lumberjack."

Yuuri choked a little, and whispered prayers to anyone who would listen that Wolfram was being sarcastic about his career as a woodcutter, not so much about the flaming bit.

"Whatever. Conrad called yesterday to ask about you. I think he's prepared to kill whoever kidnapped you, Wolf... He didn't sound very merciful over the phone, and I don't have any personal experience, but being stabbed in the chest with the bendy thing he uses for tournaments isn't going to be fun, is it?"

Wolfram waved his hands dismissively, the gesture unseen but felt by Yuuri.

"Small potatoes. Conrad can't stand up to _me_, wimp, try and be logical! What I'm really _terribly_ interested in is this whole love problem thing." Wolfram scowled. "I've been away for just a few days, and suddenly you have _love problems_? Spill. Or die."

"Damn it Wolfram, can't you just leave it alone?!"

Yuuri started the screaming match, and Wolfram would _never_ be shouted down.

"Obviously I can't, you idiot, because you're the biggest wimp in the world risking his stupid _neck_ over _my_ family disputes, and you're upset about something, but I'm too _bloody_ far to do anything about it!"

"You would _hate_ me if I told you, Wolf."

Yuuri had managed to inject so much despair and self-loathing into his words, that Wolfram (who was already worried) had to resist the urge to put on his shoes and run all the way back home.

Instead he sighed, and leaned forwards until his forehead pressed against the stone wall, enjoying the coolness.

_What has the wimp done now?_

"You're underestimating me, Yuuri. I couldn't hate you even if I sat down and made my mind up to. Just _tell_ me wimp, or I'll kill someone from repressed curiosity, and then we'll be in serious trouble."

Yuuri sighed. When Wolfram was in his threatening-murder mode, it usually meant he was one big annoyance away from actual-murder mode. A rampaging Wolf terrorising the neighbourhood would attract Gwendal's attention, and black hair or not, the whole jig would be up.

"... I'm actually gay." Yuuri whispered, half-hoping Wolfram didn't hear him and his pride would stop him from asking Yuuri to repeat himself.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Wolfram's side.

"Yuuri... Wimp, are you mocking me or something? Is this because of the fight we had that day? If it is, how _dare_ you-" Wolfram sounded enraged, voice a low growl.

"Wolfram. I'm in love with a man."

"Oh."

_How the hell am I supposed to respond to that?_ Wolfram shouted in his mind, worry twisting in his gut at the thought of Yuuri being in any kind of conflict, even his own emotional ones. This was Wolfram's standard response to all things Yuuri.

"This is... something recent?"

Yuuri took it as a good sign that Wolfram hadn't hung up in distaste. He didn't think the blond would, but Yuuri believed he could more accurately predict the date the world ended than Wolfram's reaction to anything.

Usually he got the _feel_ of what Wolfram would do right (storm off, hit something, shout, pout, sulk, etc.), but reduced by a factor of... a million. It was part of what made Wolfram such an interesting person to live with.

_And apparently be in love with._

_..._

_My God, I can't believe I said that! I actually said love! Love! LOVE! Am I even responsible enough to declare this as love? Do I need a second opinion or something? I think I should really, really ask someone-_

"Yuuri!"

"Sorry! It's just that with you gone I'm alone most of the time, so I got to thinking, and that's when I realised... that I was, you know.... _gay._"

Wolfram groaned.

"I think I need a cigarette."

_Isn't that what people ask for after they've had se-... Shut up shut up shut up me, I don't want to have to take another shower!_

"Sorry Wolf. Told you you'd hate it."

"I don't _mind_, you idiot. I'm just worried you'll do something stupid and confess to whoever the guy is, totally freaking him out because, guess what wimp, before this you _weren't_ hot for his bod. Worst thing is I can't even help."

The words "I love _you_" died before they made their way past Yuuri's lips at Wolfram's grumble. He didn't think that being told someone was in love with you was a thing worth feeling disturbed by, but then again up until his own Wolf-related Enlightenment, Yuuri had been decidedly against such things.

"Wolf, I was planning on... _confessing_ today! Is it such a bad idea to tell you?"

Yuuri had accidentally let slip the identity of his crush, but a distracted Wolfram is not an observant one.

"Telling me you're in love is one thing, I think telling this guy so suddenly might turn out badly... My God, wimp, you just _had_ to choose the most difficult time possible to get yourself a boyfriend!"

"I'm sorry Wolfram. I'd have preferred _not_ to have fallen in love with the guy _at all, _but... I really, really can't help myself."

Wolfram knew it was a lost cause then. Yuuri, slow, earnest Yuuri, meant everything he said with the entirety of his giant heart. Some might label Yuuri's feelings as infatuation, but Wolfram _knew_ that with Yuuri, an infatuation like this could last a very, _very_ long time.

"Who's the guy, then?"

Yuuri took a deep breath, made a decision, and...

Took the plunge.

"Wolfram."

The blond made an irritated sound.

"Yes, Yuuri, I'm still here, what is his _name_?"

Yuuri found that after admitting it once, the second time positively _rolled _off his tongue.

"I love you, Wolf."

"Yes, Yuuri, I love you too, but..."

Oh.

_Oh_.

* * *

"Bielefeld, what's got your panties in a bunch? Did you call an adult hotline but got rejected because you sound like a 6-year-old girl over the phone?"

Murata had bravely teased Wolfram from a safe distance of about ten feet away, wondering why the blond was clutching his cell and looking like a ghost had appeared suddenly and had tried to sell him insurance.

Green eyes turned to face him, and Murata was immediately concerned. The blond held a water bottle in his hand, precisely the kind of blunt object Wolfram favoured when attempting to brain Murata after some insulting comment or other.

And yet, the blond had done nothing, not a single move to kill Murata.

"Is it about the kidnapping?" Murata mouthed.

Wolfram shook his head no, but declined to elaborate.

"Is it about Yuuri?"

A calculating look, before Wolfram nodded hesitantly.

The blond looked stricken when Murata began moving towards him, clamming up and immediately flipping his phone shut.

Yuuri's breath stopped at the sound of a line gone dead.

_Bingo!_ thought Murata.

"What's up, Wolfram?"

"Nothing that you need to be concerned with."

Murata pouted. Class started late today, and he had never been the kind of man to pass by a free morning show.

"If it's something that's going to stress you out so bad that you go on a killing spree starting with me, then I think I need to be concerned."

The phone in Wolfram's hand started vibrating, and Wolfram looked at it with something close to fear, as if the smooth clamshell was going to bite him.

Yuuri had all fingers crossed, praying that Wolfram wasn't so traumatised that he would forevermore cut all contact with him. He would have a hell of a time making rent, for one.

He would die from Wolfram-withdrawal, for another.

_Answer the phone Wolfram!_

"Why won't you answer the phone, Wolfram?"

The blond looked positively shaken, eyes wide and breathing shallow. Murata wondered what precisely Yuuri had said, but couldn't imagine anything short of the other boy _dying_ to get the eternally unruffled Bielefeld in such a state.

Murata was mildly worried.

"Hand me the phone, Wolfram."

"I don't want to."

"Then answer it."

"I. Don't. Want. To."

"Fine." Murata picked up the cordless phone, juggling it from hand to hand, his best evil-face on. "You know what, I feel like _randomly_ calling my good ol' buddy Shibuya, y'know, because I'm _so_ worried about him, and-"

Murata didn't get a chance to complete his sentence, because a well-aimed cushion knocked the phone right out of his hands, and Wolfram was there beside him suddenly, picking it up and looking slightly manic.

The bespectacled boy sighed.

"You guys trust me to keep a felony quiet, made me become an _accessory_ to the kidnapping of the heir of one of the largest fortunes in the world, but you can't even tell me what's going on? That's cold, man."

Wolfram looked like he wanted to shout something, then hesitated.

Murata knew then beyond any shadow of doubt that this was serious business. Few things could make the hot-headed Bielefeld hold his tongue, and the things that could were probably incredibly scary.

"It's... not something _I_ have a right to tell."

The darker boy rubbed his hands together in anticipation of a challenge, his curiosity now much more than merely piqued.

"That's fine, Shibuya's my best-est friend ever, he wouldn't mind me knowing. Since you've decided to take up a vow of silence, Wolfram, I'll guess what's wrong, and _when_ I get it, you just make that big-eyed look of terror you've done so well, yeah, just. Like. That."

He thoughtfully tapped his chin.

"Is Shibuya injured?"

Shake.

"Having a panic attack?"

Shake.

"Getting cold feet?"

Shake.

"Umm... Food poisoning!"

"Because Yuuri feeling a bit ill is a perfectly legitimate reason for me to behave the way I do." Wolfram snorted, despite his still-jittering nerves. Murata was mocking his threshold for worry.

"Alright, alright, don't have to get snarky on me. You're not really dropping any clues, you know. Hmm, let's see. What could Shibuya do that would make _you_ act like a jumpy cat on caffeine? He joined a volunteer search team?"

"Like I'd worry about something so minor."

"If you're feeling so chatty, you may as well just spit it out, Wolfram," said Murata testily.

Wolfram scowled, yet somehow still managed to look twitchy without actually twitching.

"Fine. I'll shoot for the big ones then. He's secretly married, he has a love child, he owes money to mobsters, he thinks your hair is ridiculously girly, he came out of the closet, he-"

Wolfram's face blanched, and he looked like he was about to pass out. Placing a bracing hand against the wall, the blond began taking in deep breaths, widened eyes never breaking contact with Murata.

"Oh. So Shibuya I-like-girls-no-really! Yuuri is gay... Who would have thought? Still, Biele, seeing as how you haven't killed me for trying to feel you up, I wouldn't have thought you were a homophobe. You just aren't the _type,_ you know. If you asked me, I would have said my friend Wolfram loathed being hit on by _both_ the boys and the girls! So that would mean..."

Wolfram helplessly, angrily watched as the light dawned in Murata's bespectacled eyes.

Murata's mouth turned down into a frown, hand automatically going to rub his chin in serious contemplation, completely ignoring a fidgeting Wolfram.

"He's alone and he thinks he's in love with Bielefeld, but Shibuya's always been a wimp so this just might be a case of absence making the heart fonder, only with Shibuya platonic fond's been confused for love-love fond, and since he's so naive about everything, he can't tell, and he'll keep enforcing the illusion for as long as he's missing Wolfram, and the idiot would actually _make_ himself fall in love, because he's an idiot, and-"

Wolfram snapped his fingers in front of Murata's face, feeling slightly pissed off after hearing the conclusion Murata was drawing in the mumbled, thinking-out-loud voice under his breath.

"Yuuri doesn't make mistakes about wimpy things like love, Murata."

The dark-haired boy pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"There's a first time for everything."

And Wolfram nodded in agreement, pinning Murata with a look.

"Exactly," said Wolfram with feeling.

* * *

Yuuri had laced his shoes up and had put on his coat, fully intending to rush to Murata's home and beg for Wolfram's forgiveness when he collided with another body as he stepped out.

"Arghh!" he cried, arms flapping wildly as he fell backwards onto his bum. Muttering unhappily under his breath, he looked up frowning.

"Bad time?"

_It's the second time you've asked me that, and for the second time, yes!_

Outwardly, he smiled nervously.

"Sorry Conrad, I was just about to go out. Never mind, please come in!"

"I'm not interrupting anything?"

_Just my, since Wolf will kill me for this, first and last confession ever._

"It's alright. Just having a bit of a... disagreement with my friend."

Brown brows drew together in concern, and Yuuri could hardly stifle the moan of misery at the feeling of irritation for the intrusion and the guilt for Conrad's genuine concern.

"Ah... Might this be the friend mother told me about?"

"Probably."

Conrad smiled knowingly, and Yuuri really _really_ wanted to shout that Conrad didn't know the _half_ of it. The darker, more inclined towards being slightly sadistic part of him had Yuuri's lips forming the words.

Common sense stopped them from being spoken.

"A lovers' tiff?"

"It's one-sided, really. I think I've upset him, but he's pretending it never happened, so.... What am I saying, I should be asking about Wolfram!"

The smiled dropped from the man's face, and Yuuri was only slightly happy for it. At least they were heading away from the topic that could, conceivably, cause Yuuri to give up the game, start sobbing and beg Conrad for relationship advice.

_I'm so suave!_

"There were a few leads, but they landed nowhere. For someone who looks so striking, nobody anywhere can seem to remember seeing Wolfram. The police are trying to look for any clues, but the bastard who did this seems to have committed an almost-perfect crime."

"_Almost_ perfect?"

Yuuri had seated them both at the dining table, plunking a glass of apple juice in front of Conrad, nothing for himself. Yuuri was busy wringing his hands in worry and guilt, and he didn't want a cup to get in the way.

The brunette smiled the scary smile that Wolfram got when he was feeling particularly smug.

"The hell Gwendal is going through to find him, there isn't much of a possibility of anyone getting away with this."

_Good chance to gauge Wolfram's family's love! I really wonder about brother Gwen and his intentions for Wolfram. I'm praying it isn't all about the money. Not about the money at all, or Wolf... he'll be even more unhappy, if that's possible._

"Gwendal's really upset because it makes handling Wolfram's fortune more difficult or something, right? I know he's your brother and all, Conrad, but Mr. Voltaire scared me silly the last time he was here. I thought I'd get a heart attack and die just to get away from him frowning at me..."

Yuuri's hook was well baited, and that was a surprisingly good cast.

Reel in the brown bass!

Conrad frowned gently.

"Yuuri, Gwendal might look like he can't think of anything that isn't related to the company, but give us _some_ credit. Our brother's missing, money and assets and management aren't the most important thing. Plus Gwendal has always had a soft spot for Wolfram-"

_The way he treats Wolfram is the way he treats someone he has a soft spot for? Oh my god, I feel sorry for anybody Gwendal is unhappy with already!_

"-and he starts growling violently any time we even vaguely mention the possibility of Wolfram not turning up in one piece. We _are_ brothers, Yuuri, even if Wolfram doesn't seem to want to accept it."

Conrad sipped his drink, feeling decidedly more certain that Wolfram would be found unharmed. Talking to Yuuri was always reassuring, even when the boy didn't really say anything relevant.

"So, since there isn't much news about Wolfram for now, how about we have a little chat about your _friend_?"

"There's nothing much to talk about." _There's a lot to talk about, I could write a book about it! But how am I supposed to ask you? 'I'm in love with your brother, and guess what, he's not really kidnapped, he's just hiding because of some weird plot I came up with to make him see how much other people love him. Should I send him flowers?'_

"Every little bit helps."

Conrad smiled a reassuring smile, and Yuuri hung his head in defeat. Conrad was almost like his godfather, the _adult_ Yuuri could call to ask about the problems that needed a level head to clear, which automatically ruled out Wolfram and Yuuri's entire family. It was diabolically difficult to keep the lie up, but while Conrad had special magnetic powers in his warm brown eyes, Yuuri could brave through it as long as he thought about Wolfram's infinitely better-looking green ones.

"Well... We weren't really committed or anything, before this. He's my first ever boyfriend, so we took things _very_ slow. The problem is since Wolf disappeared, I realised that I can't imagine him not _always_ being there, so I _told_ him that... And I think I scared him. He won't answer my calls any more, so I wanted to go see him and apologise and take back whatever I said that made him unhappy-"

Depending on who was listening, the man Yuuri was talking about was both Wolfram and not Wolfram.

Conrad interrupted.

"Maybe you surprised him with what you said, Yuuri. Is he as... _new_ to this type of relationship as you are?"

"Umm... He's ridiculously handsome, so people always throw themselves at him, but I _think_ it's the first time something like this has ever happened to him. So what?"

_I feel like I'm about to give the birds and the bees and sometimes other birds speech to my son. Yuuri is a complete innocent._

The brunette cleared his throat.

"He may be very surprised by your admission, Yuuri. Could you imagine how you would feel if a very close friend... for you, I guess it would be Wolfram, so imagine if Wolfram called you up one day and told you he was in love with you. How do you think you would feel?"

_Ecstatic? I think I would start babbling nervously, if it's Wolfram. Then I'd drop the phone and run like the hounds of hell were after me to go and hug him or punch him or something, because it's Wolfram and you said he says he's in love with me._

"Surprised, I guess, Conrad. But if it's Wolfram, I don't know, I'm pretty sure I couldn't be angry at him. I mean, it's _Wolfram_. Does that make sense?"

The older man nodded.

"It does. So imagine your friend feeling the same way. Right now he's probably looking at his phone thinking _it's Yuuri_. I'm certain things will work out."

Conrad winked.

"After all, I don't think anyone can stay angry with _you_, Yuuri."

* * *

"It's _Shibuya, _Wolfram! What's there to be scared of? Get some balls and call him and apologise and profess your wonderful gay love for him!"

Wolfram whirled around and hit Murata in the face with a cushion.

"Shut up! We're talking about Yuuri here, so be serious! If I say the wrong thing he'll get all wimpy and sad and he'll feel _bad_, and you are not helping me figure out the best thing to say to him!"

"That's the whole point! Shibuya's a spectacular wimp _normally_, and now you know that he's even _more_ spectacularly a wimp since he's in love with you. Do you think he'd be unhappy with _anything_ you decide?"

The blond huffed and crossed his arms, scowling mightily. For someone who was a certified genius, Murata was remarkably stupid.

"Just because the wimp will forgive me for saying anything, doesn't mean I want to say things that I need forgiveness for! I don't want Yuuri _hurt_, do you understand?"

Murata shrugged, sifting through a stack of textbooks to look for the ones that he would need for class. Just because Wolfram and Yuuri were currently without jobs and had plenty of time for a drama worthy of a soap, didn't mean _he_ was free as a... freeloader too. Murata had an _education _to get.

"If you want to make sure a boy doesn't get heartbroken after a confession, the only thing you can do is to accept it. Since, you know, rejection hurts and all."

"I wouldn't know."

Murata took a few moments to curse the universe for making Wolfram both incredibly pretty and incredibly annoying. He worked hard to get a decent response from the ladies, and all Wolfram had to do was _flip his hair_.

_It's alright, it's alright! It's obvious that I'm much, much more intelligent than him. Physical beauty doesn't last long, and when he doesn't have good looks on his side, no one will want to date him!_

"By the way, Bielefeld. What's your I.Q?"

"What does that have to do with _anything_?"

"Just answer me, alright? I'm trying to help you and Shibuya here."

Wolfram growled and massaged his temples.

"A hundred fourty something, I think. I don't know for sure, the last time I took the test was years ago when Yuuri forced me to"

Murata's smile was more than a little forced as he shrugged on his bag and headed for the door.

"Wonderful. Have fun solving this crisis by yourself Bielefeld!"

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the late update and the lack of review replies! My head's been full of so many other things, but I wish I'd been timely. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Also, the reason I'm trying especially hard to update all of my fics today is because I have just received my _first ever fanart_ for a story I wrote :D It's for my DGM fic, but I'm so hopelessly flattered and pleased I decided to spread my ridiculously good mood~


	8. Bad news isn't always bad

_Nothing left to do but this._

With that thought and Murata's absence, Wolfram carefully dyed his hair black with a dye Murata swore would come off in the shower, and popped in his contact lenses. The wimp needed to talk himself clear about this, and if the mountain was too occupied to come to Wolfram, Wolfram will go the mountain.

Then he'll pull his ear _hard_, until he admitted exactly what was up.

Wolfram would then solve everything with a threat or a growl or some well-placed money, and things would go back to... whatever the hell counted as normal for Wolfram and Yuuri.

He was determined to get back to that place, that happy, aimless, un-needing place.

The walk to the train station was a long one, but Wolfram stuck to it instead of taking the bus. The cold air distracted him from his thoughts, and he spent the time on the train blankly staring out the window, thinking floating thoughts about the weather, and his laundry, and how the bakery was doing, and the ages it had been since he had last read the newspaper.

There was a flier stuck to the glass. Wolfram read it with mild distress, wincing when he realised that the picture of him given to the police was him wearing his look of supreme annoyance, taken last year when he had gone to see his mother out of courtesy only to be faced with a camera.

It was a little sad to think that this was the most recent photo of him that his family had.

_They should have asked Yuuri. He made me go take my picture with him so that he could have someone else join the library with him._

The police were offering a reward for any information about him, and it was with a certain amount of grim amusement that Wolfram realised they were looking for a "Volfram"

The man standing next to him was reading the flier with much interest too, and Wolfram looked at him from the corner of his eye, observing the exhausted look the man had, as well as the ruffled clothing.

The man obviously found the thought of a reward a wonderful one.

Wolfram took pity on him. _I wonder if it's because of Yuuri that I'm in such a charitable mood today. Or maybe because it's somewhat fun to live like an obvious fugitive. Now you see me, but you don't._

He made a show of mumbling loudly to himself.

"Heard on the news that it was _Wolfram_, not Vole... phragm, whatever. God, _I'd_ give someone a reward to correct such a stupid typo!"

He could almost _hear_ his neighbour's ears prick up, and Wolfram smiled to himself, hustling off the train the moment the electric doors slid open.

_That's my good deed for the day. Karma should be on my side!_

* * *

Conrad left after somewhat alleviating Yuuri's fears and his own worry, Yuuri still at the dining table with his legs tucked up on the chair, a tin of butter biscuits open in front of him.

Panic eating packed the pounds. Yuuri had already gone through two cans of Pepsi (not diet), and _I think my pants are getting tight at the waist._

He stood up, stretched, and excused himself when his fingers couldn't quite reach his toes. Surveying his appearance in the mirror, Yuuri groaned in dismay. There were mourners shaking with grief who looked less of a mess than he did at that moment, hair dishevelled, eyes hanging and sad, and clothes a crumpled mess.

The phone(s) had not rung, and Yuuri went to change into a pair of slacks and a shirt._ I need some exercise! I should get some fresh air, that always helps people think, right?_

He was was at the door again, lacing up his sneakers and grabbing his coat, and Yuuri was out of the house, lost in his own mind, happily talking to himself and luckily missing the concerned looks the people he passed gave him.

Yuuri huddled deeper into his coat, enjoying the feeling of soft fabric against his chin. The weather was lovely, the evening crisp and clear and perfectly suited to air out the mess in the minds of confused young men who could not decide if they regretted confessing their love for other young men or not.

Yuuri couldn't say he regretted _being_ in love with Wolfram, because of all the people he knew, if he had to choose the _best_ person, the person who could handle his wimpiness and silliness and tragic naivety best, then the best person for him to be in love with was _logically_ Wolfram.

He didn't like the idea of his feelings making things difficult for Wolfram, though. The blond was already going through a hard time, and with Wolfram's hard-exterior soft-interior personality, the last thing Yuuri wanted was to add to Wolfram's burden. It was the main reason it made sense to pretend that it was a slip of the tongue, what he'd said over the phone, because then they could go back to being Wolfram and Yuuri, rather than Wolfram _and_ Yuuri.

His feet had carried him to the bus terminal without any direct order from his conscious mind, and by the time mulling Yuuri had noticed where he had reached, they had passed through the doors to the ticketing counters. Terminals were reached by an escalator to the side, and Yuuri felt compelled to do some active people-watching and hopefully discern some sap who was even more miserable than he was.

There was a bench some ways away from the long buses spitting out their live cargo, and Yuuri sat there, breaking his mind away from worry and confusion and Wolfram-thoughts as he observed the occupants who exited the latest bus.

Black hair, black hair, black hair, black hair... Hunched postures, suit-wearing drones of exhaustion returning after a day of losing just a little bit more of their souls, and Yuuri _knew_ he wasn't the worst off.

Black, black, black.

_I wonder where Wolfram is... Even if I call he probably won't pick up._

Black, black, black.

_Should I send him flowers? Isn't that even more gay? And God... Wolfram's avoiding me, he's avoiding me, no calls nothing, and I hate missing people. Missing people is not fun at all! Missing hair colour isn't fun, missing being insulted is an abnormal response and also not fun, and-_

Black, black....

_Black_.

Wolfram's hair was Wolfram's hair whatever the colour, and having seen it consistently over the past oh-so-many years, Yuuri's eyes registered the familiar cowlicks and curls before his mind had quite stopped floundering for a way to be in love without actually showing that he was, in fact, in love.

He was up and shouting and running in no time, and that head with that hair whipped up from facing the bag the boy had put on the ground, dark eyes looking altogether wrong, but Yuuri didn't care, because this was God answering him. Blink, and he would have missed it!

"Hey! Hey! Wol-"

A hand shot out and clamped his mouth shut, wide eyes wide and Wolfram hissing, demanding he shut up before people made the connection.

Yuuri was not amused by the response. He might be in love with Wolfram (really he was), but that wasn't the kind of welcome friends deserved from each other, much less from an unrequited lover and his beloved.

"What are you doing here, Yuuri?"

Yuuri scowled, and Wolfram sighed.

"Sorry, wimp, I'm feeling a bit jumpy. I saw a photo of m-... Wolf on the train, and it was weird to see those eyes staring at _me_, do you understand?"

Yuuri could imagine that however weird it was for him to see Wolf's face on T.V, it had to be a million times weirder for the boy everyone was looking for (though he had to admit that primetime news had never looked so good). And Yuuri never could be angry with Wolfram for very long; the blonde was impulsive and rash, but usually did his most idiotic things for the most noble reasons.

The road to hell's paved with good intentions. Half of the pavement came from Wolfram.

"Conrad came to see me this morning, and after what's happened I just really needed to get out of the house, Wo-"

Yuuri sighed.

"Murata, Murata. But the main thing is, _why_ did you come here?! It's dangerous! Imagine if the frowning god had seen you!"

Yuuri hadn't even meant to use a code name for Gwendal, but it just came out automatically, aided by the horror Yuuri had suffered at his hands. He glanced around anxiously, waiting for the crowd to part to reveal the girly-man with fair hair and the pervert carrot-top stomping towards them in black suits, complete with earpieces and microphones in their lapels.

_Gwendal's probably got an informant at all bus stations and train stations and car rentals and airports and even the park's bicycle renting centre! What if someone noticed it's Wolf?! If I could, there must be someone out there who can too!_

"I was worried about you, idiot. And I don't care who sees me, whatever point you might have wanted to prove should already be proven, Yuuri. You, on the other hand, have gotten into trouble in this short time, so as the most responsible person you know, I had to come back."

The darker boy sighed again, before grabbing Wolfram's wrist and walking towards the exit. If they had to exchange Words, those words may as well be exchanged at home.

Yuuri glanced back at Wolfram.

"Where did you get that awful coat anyways?"

Wolfram grinned.

"Apparently our brainy friend Murata had a brief, _unsuccessful_ Goth phase. God only knows what I look like in this thing; it's so tight I can't move without it making weird sounds"

A Wolfram less able to lash out in violence in an incredibly form-fitting jacket. Yuuri reckoned that God was feeling merciful today.

The walk back was quiet, uninterrupted by the usual pleasant chatter they shared; Wolfram kept glancing about furtively, as if expecting policemen to leap out of the bushes and push him to the ground, cuffing his hands behind his back.

_Wolf looks like a frightened rabbit trying to burrow into his clothing, but he's really a Wolf hidden in a rabbit's skin hiding in an ugly coat. Because if anyone pounces at him, he'd be at their throats before they'd finished sounding threatening. That, or he'll royally snub them, and I think from Wolfram that's even worse, really... God, the things he does to my mind! _

Yuuri was scared to discover that the thought of Wolfram messing with his coat could be used as a basis for a long-winded animal analogy. He was even more scared to discover that he didn't mind being that way.

Being in the Wolf's way.

He rubbed his nose.

_But seriously, all of these name puns and romantic thoughts that sound like they should be in one of those disturbing romance novels mom reads rather than in my head have got to stop. Wolfram came back because he's worried I'm being an idiot, and he isn't actually wrong, but whatever, he isn't back to suddenly declare he loves me like that too. So no pining. I can mope when he's not looking, maybe secretly paint my nails black, but absolutely no pining!_

"Have you caught a cold, Yuuri?"

"Huh?"

"You've been sniffling and making choked noises for a while now. Did you fall sick? We could probably stop by at the pharmacy on our way home, I don't think Rodriguez will recognise me like this. Not if you talk, wimp"

Wolfram already had his hand on Yuuri's forehead before Yuuri had quite grasped what was going on, and frowned when he felt warm skin.

Yuuri was blushing furiously, that probably had something to do with it, but Wolfram was capable of being a special kind of oblivious. And single-minded. And in his singular thought processes, he refused to think about the Situation Yuuri had gotten himself into. It was much easier, much less awkward to think about small potato things like viruses and flu medicine.

Yuuri decided to channel his inner wimp-God a bit. They could see their apartment complex already, and walking home with Wolfram made him happy, almost ridiculously so.

"Just a weird case of love-sickness, Wolfram."

It was gratifying to see a slack-jawed, blushing Wolfram.

Even if it wasn't a _blond_, slack-jawed, blushing Wolfram, but Yuuri was thankful for what he got.

* * *

The door was locked behind him, and Yuuri stretched his arms happily. With the return of the domestic feature that is Wolfram, home felt full and right again. He had gotten spoilt on the comfort before, and had been missing it greatly the past few days. All was right and well in Yuuri's world again.

He grinned widely, taking off his coat and hanging it next to Wolfram's borrowed one. Like a good air purifier, Yuuri felt healthier just breathing when he had Wolfram. _God, how incredibly gay and wimpy do I sound like right now?_

"Welcome home, Wolf."

The other boy smiled and stretched, taking a seat on the arm of their couch.

"Murata has a much bigger apartment, with all kinds of high-tech gadgets and modern art his rich friends throw at him, you know."

Yuuri frowned at their only piece of 'art'. It was a big canvas of bright splotchy colours that Wolfram had painted (Yuuri, despite his new-found tendency to see everything Wolfram did as _cute_ in some way, still used the term loosely) a number of years ago.

It had been a cold, rainy day, too miserable to be spent anywhere but in the comfort of one's own home. Feeling bored and disliking the feeling of being motionless, Wolfram had whipped out a camera and taken a picture of the both of them. Yuuri, who had been taken by surprise and had in fact only just gotten up to pour himself a drink, had looked like a startled reindeer with his tragic case of bed hair. Wolfram still looked like the cover model of GQ despite it being one of those cheesy photos with Wolfram holding the camera and hugging Yuuri.

The blond had then locked himself in his room, busy painting he had said, and came out several hours later looking like a cat that had got the cream, bearing with him... _it_. It being an almost random mesh of colours, looking for all the world like the paint tubes had gotten possessed and had excreted themselves empty onto the canvas with the help of no mortal man.

Yuuri had had it framed and hung up, because he had never understood art, and vaguely suspected no one could understand what Wolfram had been trying to get at, but knew that the blobs of blue and green and gold were Wolf.

And the mangled black splotches that didn't so much _dominate_ as _persist_, well, Yuuri didn't think he was being conceited if he assumed that that was him.

Being of the more... traditional variety of art appreciator, Yuuri had gotten the picture blown up, and it was placed somewhat randomly next to Wolfram's painting.

He sighed. It didn't look like much, he knew, but he liked it. It was part of home.

Wolfram had come to stand in front of him by then, Yuuri oblivious to the fact until the blond had flicked his nose in a gesture of old affection. Wolfram was smiling his grumpy smile, and Yuuri was confused.

"If you hadn't tuned out Yuuri, you would have heard me say that I draw much better than all the weird rubbish Murata hangs there. Our house is _much_ better-looking than his, wimp, you don't have to be worried that I'll come back and start redecorating."

Yuuri had a minor epileptic fit of joy when Wolfram said "come back", and the way he had looked up brightly reminded Wolfram that he had a lot more important things than decor to talk about.

_How do you say no without actually saying no? God. Me. How am I supposed to say no to Yuuri? Yuuri the super wimp who always gets nervous over the smallest things, and fusses worse than my mother._

Wolfram looked at Yuuri's smiling face again, and reconsidered.

_I don't mind being in a relationship with another man. And I don't have a lover or anything like that. And Yuuri's new to all this. Maybe Murata was right, and this will pass very quickly. Yuuri's just in a phase, and he'll get over it after he has to live with me for a boyfriend for a while. And since it's the Wimp, saying I love you might not mean the same thing, but it doesn't not mean anything. Yeah._

Wolfram decided that maybe a little play-acting wouldn't be too bad. Rather than Yuuri discovering his bi-directional sexuality with some random man he met who could be depended upon to take advantage of Yuuri's natural cluelessness, Wolfram may as well be the first person he felt any odd feelings for.

So that when Yuuri realised that he wasn't _really_ in love, Wolfram could let himself be let down with gentleness and aplomb, and the wimp's heart wouldn't be more broken than the person he broke up with. Pain shared was pained halved, but in Yuuri's case his partner's half would have been taken on by himself too.

_That's it then. I'll be in love with the wimp for as long as he's in love with me. Then we can have an amicable break up when he comes to his senses, and I won't lose the only friend I've never stopped having._

Having made up his mind, Wolfram carried through with characteristic bloody-minded determination.

"Wimp, come here."

Yuuri obeyed, looking slightly worried.

"Now, you're sure you're in love with me, Yuuri? You're not just playing a game or trying to win a bet or experimenting or anything?"

Wolfram kept himself from frowning at Yuuri's explosion of blush, and swallowed thickly. He would have to be incredibly careful with his behaviour from now on, that much was obvious.

"Sorry Wolfram. I think I probably almost always did, but you being away and not being you and meeting your family and... well, not being able to talk to you whenever I want to, it made me stupid. I didn't like you being away Wolf, I hate it, actually, and if it isn't... love-" He spluttered the word, embarrassed but not ashamed, "-then, Wolf, then I think what I have is even more ridiculously helpless than love."

The boy sighed, and ruffled Yuuri's hair in a gesture of affection that pre-dated puberty.

"You really are a wimp, you know."

"Another thing, Wolf, seriously, it makes me feel like a fawning fangirl, but _everything_ you do or say is suddenly unbelievably cute. I'm having trouble not blushing just being called 'wimp'." Yuuri rubbed the back of his head, smiling apologetically. "I know this isn't what you want, so it's alright, I've been bracing for a rejection since I told you. Just... you'll have to stop calling me a wimp for a while, because it sounds like a pet name, and I won't be... _comfortable_ hearing it until... well, however long it takes me to get over this. Which might actually mean that you can't call me that _forever_, so sorry, again, because-"

Wolfram leaned forward and pecked Yuuri on the lips, silencing the tirade, and pulled back with a big grin.

"The day you can accurately make an assumption about me, Yuuri, is the day I'll take you skinny-dipping in Hell. Don't assume anything, wimp, you of all people should know that I'm not exactly predictable."

He stood up and brushed past a startled-into-silence Yuuri into the kitchen, desperately hoping Yuuri couldn't see the panic in his eyes.

"God knows I've always liked you, you idiot. And between stomping on your wimpy heart at your confession and honestly telling people that I have a boyfriend called Yuuri, I choose the second option. Besides, I wouldn't be Wolfram Von Bielefeld if I couldn't call you a-"

Arms hugged Wolfram from behind, and Yuuri tucked his face into the crook of Wolfram's neck, his relief so strong that he completely forgot that the more physical aspects of a same-sex relationship still scared the living daylights out of him.

But he was hugging Wolfram, and Wolfram was dangerous but never harmful, so at the moment all Yuuri could think of was how ridiculously happy he was that he wasn't being pushed away by his most important friend.

"- a wimp" Wolfram ended lamely, patting Yuuri's arms with what he hoped was a soothing gesture.

_After all, loving Yuuri is one of the easiest things in the entire world._

Too bad that this whole situation would probably end with their roles reversed: Wolfram hopelessly enamoured with the darker boy, and Yuuri realising that Wolfram wasn't The One.

Wolfram stood stock-still and wondered if Yuuri had gone to sleep like that, even breathing puffing against the skin of his neck.

_It would be worth it. I'm already full of holes, a broken heart would be just another mark. At least he'll be okay._

Wolfram smiled grimly to himself.

Then he sighed, because his eyes were getting itchy, and the prospect of hauling a Yuuri sleeping as soundly as a baby to the couch then scraping his corneas with his finger was not a fun activity no matter how anyone looked at it.

It was a testament to his natural reserve of determination that he didn't simply say "To hell with it!" and run away to Cancun. Life certainly was difficult enough, and today was simply icing on the cake.

He began walking-lugging Yuuri to the couch, and prayed nothing else would go wrong.

* * *

The world was strangely blurry. Yuuri wasn't certain what had happened after that heady mixture of endorphins, testosterone and adrenaline had emboldened him to hug Wolfram, but he doubted it could have been anything very good. Especially if he had passed out because of it.

"Wimp."

_Good god!_

Yuuri sat up immediately and nearly brained himself on Wolfram's chin. Rubbing his abused head, he realised that he had been sleeping (if it had been indeed that Wolfram had punched him unconscious, he would have been left in a pile on the floor. Yuuri had seen Wolfram do it before, and doubted any change in their relationship would result in Wolfram's quick temper and penchant for settling problems with physical means disappearing) with the green-eyed boy leaning familiarly (_Familiarly!_) against him. That was a position a lot more domestic than he would have expected from his boyfriend of about an hour.

Yuuri used the term with much joy and wariness. A rebuke from Wolfram and the word would be nothing but a memory of a more hopeful day. He started pouting just thinking about how depressing it would get, before Wolfram snapped him back to the present with a rough tug of his shoulder.

"Honestly wimp, your mind runs faster than you can catch up with. It's the first time you've seen me in a few days, I say yes to your confession, you fall asleep from hugging me like you're some sort of... koala from hell, you _stay_ asleep for _hours,_ and you tried to dislocate my jaw. You sure you're not upset with me, Yuuri?"

"Wolf, I couldn't get angry at you properly even before you went and drove me to distraction with silly thoughts, I really doubt that's going to change with us being... _us._"

Wolfram shrugged and turned back to the TV, looking unbothered and worrying. Or at least, worrying if he didn't have a small smile in place of a scowl. Yuuri noticed these types of things, and just exhaled to calm his easily flustered heart. Wolfram did strange things to it, Yuuri observed.

His eyes wandered to the TV screen, sitting up straight but still with his shoulder to Wolfram's shoulder, side to side, hip to hip. Not usually one for physical contact, Yuuri was surprised that he found it reassuring; a living breathing Wolfram, unhurt by all the nasty things that afflicted him in Yuuri's paranoid mind.

"What are you watching?"

"7 o'clock News. You haven't exactly been giving me helpful updates wimp."

And Yuuri had been about to reply scathingly, because even if he was in love, he wasn't in love with an aspect of Wolfram that he wasn't used to. If they couldn't mercilessly (merrily) tease and taunt each other, and argue together, than he doubted he would stay in love for very long. Fiery conversation kept the warmth between them, Yuuri would like to think, if perhaps in terms not so pretty.

He really was about to say something wimpy but biting, but then he noticed that it was none other than Gwendal on screen, holding a press-conference, lights flashing enough to induce epilepsy as photographers snapped as many pictures of Gwendal as they could, for reasons Yuuri doubted he could ever understand. Sure, Gwendal was handsome in a rugged mountain man manner, but he was most definitely not aesthetically pleasing.

He felt Wolfram stiffen slightly, but couldn't think of anything to do. Along with hot-blooded emotions, an urge to protect had swamped Yuuri's mind, a desperate need to keep Wolfram safe from anything from garden-variety serial killers to the sharp edges of paper. It was stupid, of course, because Wolfram was better at caring for Wolfram than Yuuri was at looking after either of them, but if he had been able to stop doing stupid things just because he knew in theory that it was stupid, Yuuri would have given up on a lot of things a lot of time ago.

"Wolf?"

"Quiet, wimp, they're talking about me."

And indeed they were. _I don't think Wolf knows how much coverage his case's gotten these past few days. There're pictures of him on milk cartons, stuck to toll booths, his name's mentioned in every radio news update, and last I heard the reward for finding him was enough to buy a small house._

Gwendal sat on stage, microphones at the level of his breast pocket, looking grave and slightly angry as usual. People were shouting questions at him, and things looked to be in complete chaos, Yuuri finally comprehending the meaning of the phrase "media frenzy".

Gwendal's patience snapped.

"I will leave within the next ten seconds if all of you do not behave like adults and start _asking_ questions rather than shout them like madmen."

The room quietened, and a collective gulp went unheard. Yuuri didn't know the motion could be done by so many people without making a sound.

"You" Gwendal nodded imperiously at a woman with long pale hair in a dress. "What do you have to ask?"

The woman actually squeaked, though her colleagues by her side nodded in understanding.

"Umm... Is there any message you want to give to the people who are holding your brother hostage? They haven't made any demands, have they?"

The aura around Gwendal darkened considerably, and the police chief sitting at his side winced and discreetly pulled his chair further from the mass of palpable anger that was Gwendal Von Voltaire.

"They have not made any demands, but should they be watching I suggest they do it _immediately._"

The woman spoke out tremulously. "W-Why?"

The glint in those blue eyes was absolutely murderous.

"They have gone through _so much trouble_ to get a reward; they may as well be allowed to spend a little before _I find them and haul them into jail_. They should savour their last taste of freedom before I crucify them for making off with my brother. And they _will_ be caught, it is only a matter of time, before or after the pay-off."

Another hand shot up, this time a man with brown hair, strapping and young, who looked more at home cavorting in the outdoors than indoors in a cheap suit.

"Alford, sir. The wealth of Spitzberg's sons are known the world over, so any ransom demanded would almost certainly be a princely sum. Do you intend to use your power as chairman of the Voltaire banks to pay up?"

Gwendal frowned at the man, but blue eyes met blue eyes and Alford did not cower. It was an honest question, and everyone had a right to know if the man would jeopardise his business for family.

Gwendal began making odd motions with his hands, fingers moving with fluid efficiency, and Alford (and Yuuri too, from the safety of his home) vaguely wondered if he was having an old German curse laid on him, and if it was possible to _feel_ an ingrown toenail grow directly as a result of it.

"Wolf... Is your brother imagining choking someone?" Yuuri felt concerned for Alford too, and was worried that part of the curse would transmit across the tele and hit him. _Was my throat this scratchy just now?_

Wolfram waved him quiet, face a mask of deep interest. "He's just air-knitting. He does it when he's stressed, or when he's trying to stop himself from hitting someone. Good thing this Alford guy is sitting so far at the back." He was muttering towards the end, only half speaking to Yuuri.

"That" began Gwendal, attracting everyone's attention again, "is the most insulting thing you could ever ask. I would never allow my personal life to affect my business judgment."

Wolfram gasped a little, a quiet sound so soft Yuuri would have missed it had they not been sitting shoulder to shoulder, side to side, hip to hip. _I think if I was there, I might actually hit him for saying that._

The room was in uproar, but Gwendal's frown deepened and like a group of chastised children everyone silenced once again, an air of discontent permeating the hall.

"These bastards have messed with _my_ brother, not the brother of shareholders. _I_ will get him back, not the Bank of Voltaire, not our clients. _My _brother, is that so difficult to understand? Do not concern yourselves with the state of my accounts, whatever it costs I will have enough to have him returned safely. Even if they should decide to ask for enough funds to buy a small country, my other younger brother and mother will assist if necessary. I did not think the concept of family would be _so_ difficult to comprehend."

Yuuri didn't bother stopping the relieved laughter that made its way out from lungs that were shaking as he breathed with relief. _I wasn't wrong! Wolfram's family might not be very good at getting it across, but it's completely obvious that they love him very, very much! And I shouldn't be so surprised, really. Wolf's not much better at showing his emotions, the only reason I understand what he means rather than what he says is because I've had years of close-contact practice._

"Oi, Wolf?"

Yuuri sneaked a glance, and saw Wolfram staring at Gwendal in disbelief, jaw hanging, eyes wide with obvious shock.

Feeling brave all over again (how could he not? A relationship involved a lot of balancing, Yuuri believed. And right now Wolfram was feeling unsure, so Yuuri would make himself courageous for the both of them) Yuuri turned and slung an arm around Wolfram's shoulders.

"It's a good day for my friend Wolf, isn't it?"

The crowd in the hall erupted in supportive cheers, and Gwendal calmly nodded his acceptance of the praise, though he was confused as to how people could expect anything less from him. The police chief took the microphone to talk after that, and Yuuri would have felt sorry that both he and the reporters ignored the man, only he had more important things to worry about.

Wolf things, also known as things that mattered the most.

The blond boy had pulled his legs up, his arms wrapped around his knees and his chin set on top of them. Glazed green eyes stared unseeingly at the TV, following every motion Gwendal made off-handedly.

"...-that"

Yuuri theatrically put a hand to cup his ear, and leaned forward to hear better.

"Speak up Wolf, I'm so used to you shouting me down that I can't hear normally any more."

Wolfram's face didn't show any trace of having heard him, but he did repeat what he said earlier in a louder voice, eyes still blankly tracking Gwendal.

"I didn't think he would say that."

Yuuri leaned back into his seat, grin as smug as the cat that got the cream. It was a rare occasion indeed when he outdid Wolfram in any way, and this was one fight Yuuri would be grateful for winning.

"A worried sibling is a scary, determined one Wolf. Family members look out for each other. In your case you have the added support of me, Shibuya Yuuri!"

Wolfram was evidently in shock; he didn't even reply to Yuuri's sad attempt at humour. _Umm... Is Wolfram that surprised that his family is so desperate to have him safe and home?_

Yuuri thought of their apartment as home, of course, instead of Celi's housemansioncastle.

And one look at Wolfram's face indicated that the answer was a resounding "Yes!"

_What should I do?_

Yuuri was at a loss. This should be the defining moment in their venture, when Wolfram would have a realisation and say "Eureka!" or "Oh oui!". He had expected that all that would be needed to convince his (_boy_)friend was evidence of love, if perhaps not affection. Why Wolfram seemed afraid of the very idea, he could not comprehend.

Yuuri was not a comprehending kind of person, but he made up for it by trying his best. It was one of his qualities that Wolfram admired, though the blond was too busy sorting through the mess in his own mind to appreciate Yuuri when the darker boy rushed off to retrieve... something.

"Look Wolf!" Something gray was shoved in his face, and Wolfram realised that the wimp was pointing at an article in the newspaper.

Wolfram glanced at it, and took greater notice when he saw a stamp-sized photograph of Conrad.

He read on.

"... Weller turned down the invitation to compete in the Belize Fencing International tournament, citing personal reasons. His coach, Gunter Von-"

"Couldn't believe that girly-haired Gwendal goon is Conrad's teacher" interrupted Yuuri, reading over Wolfram's shoulder. He'd kept the cutting as proof that Conrad at least was sick to his stomach over Wolfram's disappearance. Gwendal had made a case all by himself, just now, for which Yuuri was very grateful.

Wolfram shrugged Yuuri off his shoulder and continued.

"-his younger brother Wolfram's disappearance as a cause for great emotional distress. When interviewed, an evasive Conrad mentioned missing his usual supply of spray-on analgesic. Fencing commentators speculate that-" Wolfram stopped reading, pale cheeks slowly turning red.

Despite outwardly swearing that he never kept contact with his family outside of what Yuuri was privy to, Wolfram was not entirely honest about it. He suspected Yuuri knew that he constantly left small things his family would need but consistently forgot as they rushed about (he identified with being forgotten by Celi, Gwendal and Conrad) with their hectic lives.

_Does... Conrad... __**know**__ that I've been the one doing all that? I thought the envelopes marked as free samples would have fooled them! Or at least they wouldn't care enough to check._

Yuuri had long since known of Wolfram's habit, though he had never caught the blond in the act. The _third_ time he bought medical ointment coinciding with yet _another_ of Conrad's tournaments had been somewhat of a giveaway, and since Yuuri was the one usually responsible for the groceries (he always was freer than his Wolf) and the supplies went missing within days, Yuuri put 2 and 2 together.

He had put it down to Wolfram being.... Wolfram.

Now he was glad that apparently, Wolf's family put it down to Wolfram being Wolfram too.

_Good thing Wolf doesn't blush so much. He looks so... umm, I think I'll let myself use pretty, he's my b-b-boyfriend, is mental stuttering normal, whatever, yeah, Wolf looks so pretty blushing, even more people would fall in love, which would not be good for me_.

Yuuri had a vague feeling that told him trying to stay with Wolfram would require a lot of effort. His resolve told that feeling that there was no need to worry; even before all the messiness, where there was Yuuri there was Wolfram, and there was Yuuri.

"I think you should keep that in your wallet, Wolf. So you _know_, Wolf."

"...no."

Wolfram had spoken so quietly Yuuri almost missed it.

"Wolfram?"

The blond surged upwards, standing and pacing like a panicked, fenced-in animal.

"No no no no no no-"

Yuuri was more than a little worried. This was so completely unlike Wolfram, it was frightening. He stood and grabbed Wolfram's wrist, but the blond jerked his hand away, still muttering.

"Wolfram, what's wrong?"

"Everything is!" the blond shouted, voice breaking and face turning an angry red. "Yuuri, you don't understand! They _can't_ love me so much, they just _can't_!"

"Why not?"

The blond ran his hand through his hair, tugging yellow strands ferociously in an attempt to clear his mind.

"My whole life I've been left to myself, I've asked for a sign that they even _like_ me. And when everybody stopped remembering my birthday after I was twelve, I decided that _fine_! I don't need what they can't give, I don't need them!"

Wolfram was growling now, deep in his throat, and Yuuri doubted he even knew he was making such a furious sound.

"Now, after God knows how many years, it takes me going missing for them to show that they care? _Now_ I find out that they love me so much?" Wolfram slumped into a wall, still growling. "So what the hell was the point in me being so angry at them, what the _bloody_ hell was the point in me doing everything myself because I thought they didn't care?"

He took in a deep shuddering breath, his entire frame shaking, before he slid down the wall to sit on the floor, huddled to be as small as possible.

"Why couldn't they have been like this when I was lonely, Yuuri?"

Yuuri couldn't see Wolfram's face, pressed against knees, his arms covering everything so that all that was visible to a petrified Yuuri was a mop of blond hair, but he suspected Wolfram was crying, at least a little.

Wolfram's voice could never sound so rough otherwise. _I've heard him talk with almost every single feeling that has ever existed, and this sounds like nothing I've ever heard, and I've never heard Wolfram downright miserable._

Yuuri sat himself right next to the blond, and slung an arm across shaking shoulders, in vague hopes of protecting a curled and exhausted Wolfram from the world.

"You didn't know," he whispered, voice equally shaky with suppressed worry and sympathy. "And they didn't know either."

There was no reply.

Yuuri carried on, fully determined to drag Wolfram out of this misery.

"At least you know _now_, which is better than you knowing tomorrow, or next week, or next month. At least you _know_, which is better than you _never_ knowing."

Yuuri kissed the top of Wolfram's head awkwardly, guessing that it was a suitable gesture, but still uncomfortable doing it.

A thought struck him, and Yuuri frowned slightly. In a chiding tone he said "And don't say that they can't love you! You're very loveable, once people get to know you, and it's _easy_ to love you, so don't say sad things that aren't true."

That earned him a choked snort, but Yuuri was willing to take what he could get.

"Hey, princess?"

"Don't call me that!"

Another snort from the blond.

"Will I have to be... different, now?"

Yuuri shrugged, and assumed Wolfram would be able to feel his movement, even if he couldn't see it.

"You can still behave the way you always did. Or you can start visiting more, and being nicer to everyone. Buy them birthday presents and actually give it to them instead of sneakily passing it off as something you'd accidentally bought. Remember, Wolfram. The love you give comes back to you!"

"Sounds like the Universal Law of Karma."

Yuuri shrugged again. Wolfram was responding like normal, even if he hadn't yet shifted from his balled up position. Yuuri put it down to the blond not wanting to let him see tears, a show of weakness.

Yuuri wouldn't have minded; it was always good to be reminded that no one man was perfection, and Wolfram's faults were what made him so much fun to be with. But he wouldn't pressure the already heavy-laden blond with his minor requests for total transparency. The time would come, Yuuri hoped.

"Might be," he replied, sounding amused. "Doesn't mean it isn't true. You do have me, don't you?"

Wolfram actually managed a laugh at that. A choked, raspy laugh, but laughter was magnificent just for existing. His ragged breathing slowly, gradually evened out, and Yuuri remembered that however emotionally-wearing the day had been for him, it had to have been a thousand times worse for Wolfram. As gently as he could he poked the boy who had yet to return to his blond self, and was given confirmation that Wolfram was indeed asleep when he grumbled incoherently and curled into a tighter ball.

_Can't let Wolf just sleep slumped like a dead body!_ But Yuuri also knew he was nowhere near strong enough to pull off carrying Wolfram to his bedroom without jostling him enough to wake him. Sighing slightly, Yuuri gently pried apart Wolfram's arms, and grabbed a cushion off the couch to set on the ground at Wolfram's side. With a firm, slow push he got Wolfram to rest his head on it, the boy instantly curling up, one arm under the cushion pulling it closer, other laid artlessly by his face.

Yuuri took a moment to soak in how adorable the sight was, before rushing off to get a blanket each for him and Wolfram. It wouldn't do to let his friend sleep on the floor _alone_. Pausing after switching off the TV, Yuuri remembered to send Murata a text message to not worry about Wolfram being gone, and that he was safe at home with Yuuri. His battery died, so he plugged the phone to the recharger as he turned off the lights.

Then, tugging off his socks he tossed his pillow on the floor opposite Wolfram so that only the crowns of their heads faced each other, Wolfram's legs pointing towards their bedrooms, and Yuuri's towards the dining area. It would be an odd, odd night.

* * *

A/N: I can't write a properly emotional scene to save my life, but hopefully this wasn't too bad. I'm a few days late in posting, so to say sorry you get the longest chapter to date. Umm… Updates may get a lot more irregular after this. Posted chapters have caught up to what I've already written, so posting after this will be in real-time, and that's…. not as timely as I would've liked :)


	9. Today's the day, m'love

"Intelligence shows that Wolfram is still in the city, boss."

The older man fixed a scowl on his face as he looked at a grinning Yozak. An eyebrow was quirked in mock amazement. "Really? What's your I.Q again?"

Yozak twisted his face into an expression of injured pride. "Low blow, boss, you know I've got plenty of smarts! No, seriously. We've combed every single point of exit the city has at least four times with a picture of your boy with longer hair, shorter hair, a beard, a moustache, everything. Including an unfortunate tan. So he's still here, we think. The men started on the outskirts and are spiraling inwards. I asked Gun-Gun how long, and he says they should be able to get a definitive answer in... Two days."

"Does Conrad know?"

Yozak laughed good-naturedly, waving his hand dismissively. "Good old captain, he's been running around knocking menacingly on doors since yesterday afternoon, right after he got back from meeting Wolfram's roomie. Words cannot express how funny it was when they were in the mob hotspots, and he's holding big kiss-my-ring bosses against the wall with his toothpick-rapier thing. And no one shot him, because he kept glaring at everyone and growling asking for Wolfram. Didn't find him though, obviously."

Gwendal felt a headache coming. "Why was he even allowed to be so rash? Wolfram is already missing and you'd do well not to let Conrad kill himself."

Yozak winked benevolently. "Nah, we wouldn't have let anyone actually hurt him. We're professionals, you know. It was just entertainment, especially for my men who've been running around unstoppably these past few days". He scratched his chin in thought. "Never had you pegged as being such a family man, sir. Must say you never seemed to show much affection when the boy comes around here."

A vein throbbed painfully in Gwendal's temple, and he tried to massage it away (to no avail). "I am not like Conrad, I am unable to show emotion so... freely. It does not equate to me not caring, so in this situation, when I am better able to help Wolfram than Conrad, I will succeed. Now go away before I fire you for asking insolent questions."

Yozak ripped a jaunty salute and left with a knowing grin. Gwendal resisted the temptation to stab the man with his knitting needles, and was very proud of himself for it.

* * *

"Feeling better Wolfram?"

"Ngh."

Yuuri laughed nervously and turned so that his legs were at a right angle to Wolfram's, sitting up. He moved to stand, before collapsing. His legs were still asleep, and refused to be awoken to let him stand. Frowning slightly he began rubbing and kneading his legs, wincing when feeling rushed back into them as pins and needles.

Still, even with that handicap he almost jumped his height up when he felt another pair of hands massaging his legs.

"Wimp."

From his position sprawled uncomfortably, Yuuri looked up into Wolfram's slightly smiling face, weak morning sunlight from the window giving the dyed black hair a soft, love-sick-induced air of mystery. Wolfram seemed not to have noticed his own glory, working to get Yuuri's legs working again. It wasn't boyfriend-Wolfram lovingly tending to his Yuuri, it was good-ol' huffy Wolfram looking after the wimp after the latest (usually baseball-practice related) injury.

"Wolfram, you're not suffering from debilitating cramps too?"

The blond snorted.

"I don't have the blood circulation of a wimp. I'm fine, princess."

"Umm... Would it really scare you silly if I hugged you Wolf? I'm just really, really happy to see you better-"

Wolfram rolled his eyes, and brushed his hair back. "Even before this, the one who had a problem with physical contact was you, wimp. Now, well... As long as it's not something too radical, you don't have to ask-"

The blond couldn't complete what he wanted to say, lungs constricted by the arms of a Yuuri who had sat up again to reach him. Wolfram sat in stunned silence for a moment, Yuuri's face pressed he suspected somewhat uncomfortably into his shoulder, before sighing and returning the hug. "I'm fine, it's been chilly in hell since I've needed your help, but-"

He was cut off once again when Yuuri's hold tightened. "Don't even joke about that," Yuuri growled, voice muffled by the cloth of Wolfram's shirt. "Don't believe that it's something bad, being helped, Wolf. Please don't. Because I depend on you all the time, and I'm rescued by you all the time, and if needing help is a bad thing, Wolfram, then I'm the absolute _worst._"

_Wimp, wimp, wimp, you do think too much._

Wolfram sighed again.

"I _like_ being asked for help from you, Yuuri. It makes me feel... useful. But this is new, wimp, so you're going to have to... _wait_ if you want me to be... more normal. You know how stupid I've been about my family. Get used to me being stupid about this too until I get smarter. Okay?"

And Yuuri was about to ask if a little kiss would be considered 'radical', because he didn't so much think he would lustily enjoy the contact as he believed it would be a show of acceptance and adoration (Jennifer's impressive collection of romance novels forced onto Yuuri had more than a little something to do with it) before there was a knock on the door and he thought his heart had exploded from smashing so hard into his ribs.

"Good morning Yuuri! I'm here to give you an update about Wolfram! I even brought muffins!"

Both boys looked at each other and blanched. "Wolfram," Yuuri whispered, voice wobbling. "Take off all your clothes."

Yuuri got punched for the suggestion, Wolfram glowing red. "The hell, wimp?" he hissed, holding the collar of his shirt defensively. Yuuri was vibrating with anxiety by then, and explained his idea as quickly and quietly as he could.

"You still have dark hair, so you're 'Murata', but if he sees your face and hears your voice, game's over, and there's no way you can leave now without passing him! So if you're topless and bottomless and under covers and you look like you're sleeping and he can only see your hair, then, then, then...." Yuuri looked at Wolfram imploringly. "Then we'll be okay, right?"

Wolfram wondered if getting him to undress was as spur-of-the-moment as Yuuri insisted it was, but couldn't bring himself to care, standing and dragging Yuuri up with him.

"Take your shirt off and ruffle your hair. If we want him to think we were sleeping together-" he conceded his embarrassment by blushing, and eased his pride by ignoring the tint of his cheeks "- and explain why he had to wait so long to get the door answered, might as well make it realistic."

Yuuri shouted a slurred "Gimme a minute!" as he tugged off his shirt, staring longingly as Wolfram ran on light feet and arms laden with their blankets of the night before, toeing off his socks. Yuuri went to answer the door when he could see only Wolfram's feet and dyed-black hair through the mostly closed bedroom door.

_My bedroom door! _

"Sorry, sorry Conrad! I was a bit... occupied."

"Oh?" A brown head poked in curiously. "Am I interrupting? Should I leave?" Dark eyes glinted merrily when he took in Yuuri's disheveled appearance, a knowing smile blooming on his face. "I presume it was a preoccupation with your Murata?"

Yuuri's blush exploded in his cheeks, and traveled hotly down his neck. He had no doubt Conrad was thinking what they wanted him to think, but that didn't stop it from being utterly mortifying.

_Getting caught with my shirt off in front of Wolfram's brother... I really want to laugh nervously right now._

Conrad walked in when Yuuri moved aside, holding a large basket of muffins and holding one out to Yuuri. "I have excellent news! Oh, is Murata still here?" He dropped his voice to a whisper, looking around.

"He's asleep, you can see him from here." Yuuri nodded at his bedroom door and died a little inside when Conrad's eyebrow shot up with a little "Oh!"

Yuuri looked too, and gulped when he saw a flash of calf where the cover had ridden up. From the sound of the slight, occasional snores, Yuuri realised that Wolfram had actually fallen asleep again. And a sleeping Wolfram moved only slightly less than one awake.

_Please don't tug the sheet down please don't tug the sheet down please-_

Conrad's grin grew wider. "Ah, to be young and in love again! Wore him down and out, eh?"

Yuuri nodded, wondering if it was healthy for his extremities that all the blood was concentrated in his face.

"You must think I'm terrible to be in such a light mood when Wolfram's still missing, but-" Conrad began.

Yuuri gladly jumped on the opportunity for a distraction, and impatiently shoved Conrad into the chair by the dining table. "You found something to help with Wolfram's case?" It was the only thing he could imagine that would make Conrad so jovial currently.

The older man barely restrained himself from punching the air in victory.

"It's fortunate that Gwendal has so many security men working for him. We've canvassed most of the city, and I believe I should tell _you_ that the conservative estimate is that we'll know enough to find him in about two days"

Yuuri's jaw dropped. "_Two days_?! Wow... that's very fast, isn't it? How did you decide what places were completely impossible?"

Conrad munched happily on his muffin, suspected stress-induced tummy-ulcer having faded at the joyous prospect of his brother's safe return. "Some really intelligent things with computers, and the word algorithm was mentioned several times with much awe, I believe. Plus Gunter, Yozak and I tackled the criminal organisations, and we managed to... extract, on good authority, that nobody linked to them is holding Wolfram. I _am_ sorry to disturb you in the morning, I know you aren't a morning person," Conrad looked meaningfully at disguised-Wolfram again, and added, "especially not this morning, but I knew you would be relieved. Gwendal only needed two caffeine tablets to keep him awake today after he heard the news, and mother has ceased putting pressure on Interpol to pursue this as a human-trafficking case. From what I understand, there's an area of only a few kilometers around the Grand Hall left to search. That means it's about from here to.... that park, can't remember the name, Yuuri, the one with the pretty blue-green fountain."

"I'm so... I don't know the words to say Conrad, hearing that. I even made up with Murata, yesterday, obviously huh?" Yuuri laughed nervously, trying to ignore the nauseating fluttering feeling in his gut, that refuse was about to hit the fan.

The fencer smiled and took another bite of his muffin. "We made most of the developments yesterday; right after I saw you I left to join Gwendal's personal search team. We were scouting until about three this morning, but the information we gathered made it possible for Gwendal to finalise where our last search effort should be." He dropped the wrapper, and reached for another chocolate muffin. They were much nicer than banana, no two ways about it.

And Yuuri was forced to concede that yes, despite everything that had occurred in the days that had preceded it, a startling amount of developments _were_ made yesterday.

Up to and including Wolfram probably naked in his bed, but that didn't seem like the kind of thing to tell Conrad while they were having a makeshift breakfast, Yuuri having brewed them a pot of tea. So they talked about the weather instead, and what precisely Conrad would do to the kidnappers once he got his hands on them, while Yuuri just shuddered in personal terror, with an approving smile dancing on his face, because if the game was sure to be up soon, he would do his best to ensure that 'soon' wasn't _right now_.

Eventually Conrad took his leave, citing more people he had to scare the living daylights out of to get more Wolf-related information. At the door, perhaps feeling slightly high from the jubilation of an eventual conclusion for the current situation, perhaps because Conrad thought it was adorable that little Yuuri (who used to fall backwards like a tree being cut down when a fastball met his mitt) was all grown up and had a boyfriend and everything, but he chose to take a moment to share his observations.

"Yuuri" he said, voice calm and serious. "I believe it is my duty to inform you that you shouldn't leave your lover by himself... Poor Murata's curled up to face you on the bed. I wish you the very best of luck in all your romantic endeavours, Yuuri!"

And with a pat on his head and a smug chuckle, Conrad was away to try and look for a boy who had been within 20 feet of him a few minutes ago. Yuuri believed it to be poetic justice for the man making such an embarrassing comment, especially since now he had a rather disturbing image of Murata Ken snuggling with him, and that was an image he wouldn't pray on anyone.

Yuuri cracked his fingers, and went to put the kettle on again. Wolfram would appreciate being awoken with a cup of hot chocolate, and fresh in the first bloom of love, there wasn't much that Yuuri didn't want to do for Wolfram.

* * *

"I can't believe I actually fell asleep," said Wolfram, frowning into his mug full of steaming chocolate. He had been woken by the shrill whistle of the kettle, Yuuri away brushing his teeth and therefore unable to take it off the stove before Wolfram noticed.

"You were tired, nothing wrong with it. Plus don't you think it would have been hard to look convincingly asleep if you were awake and Conrad was so close by?"

"He's not exactly a paragon of attentiveness. I wanted to eavesdrop."

Yuuri hit Wolfram with a spoon.

"You know it's not nice to eavesdrop!"

Wolfram grinned.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have minded me hearing in if I told him it was me afterwards."

"You're terrible!"

"Nope. I think charming was the word."

"Just shut up and eat."

Wolfram grinned and picked up a spoon. "Breakfast today is the table? I'd have preferred an omelette, but since this is what my boyfriend wants me to eat, far be it for me to say no."

And Yuuri realised with much horror that the omelette he _had_ made was probably stuck to the bottom of the pan by then. He had clean forgotten to serve the blasted eggs, and black gunk was a terror to scrape off the bottom of a pan.

"Don't suffer yourself a heart attack Yuuri, just put the pan in the sink and let it soak. My strong baker's arms will scrub them out later. Wimp."

"A wire brush will work better than your machismo Wolf," said Yuuri distractedly as he ran water over the pan. Rainbows appeared in the water, oily residue over black gunk. He scrunched his nose at the burnt smell. "What cereal would you like then, Wolf?"

"Oreos!"

Yuuri snorted and hunted for the blue box. "That's tooth rot in a box, you know."

The blond toyed with a spoon between his thumb and forefinger, before tapping his nose with it. He smiled with his teeth showing, even though Yuuri had his back to him. "Never got a hole in my teeth, I don't think that'll change with one bowl!"

_Wolfram's sweet tooth will be the death of him. The only reason he eats so much sugar is because he doesn't get pudgy. And he never gets zits. Which is completely unfair when I'm allergic to so many things that have me breaking out in a rash while he's chomping on deep-fried Mars bars!_

Yuuri set the box on the table while Wolfram reached for a bowl in the drying rack next to the sink. The blond went back to his seat as Yuuri checked the refrigerator for milk.

He pulled a face at what he found.

"Wolf, there's only chocolate milk."

Wolfram whooped in delight.

Yuuri sighed and restrained the urge to demand Wolfram keep a better diet; there was no point in preaching to someone about the negative effects of consuming too much sugar when the person has been high on the sweet stuff for _years_ and has not an ounce of fat to show for it (Wolfram could beat Yuuri to a pulp without a second thought, and has done so numerous times).

Instead he grabbed a banana and a seat opposite Wolfram (the second chair of their two-seat table), resting his head on the palm of his left hand. "I think we should start figuring out how to end this crisis, Wolf. Your brothers are starting to scare me, and my biggest worry is if by some miracle they _don't_ find you with me, they'll assume you've been kidnapped and whisked away to foreign parts! Next thing you know we're at war with, with.... Sweden, because Gwendal suspects the whole country's populated with blonds to make finding you harder."

The banana was slapped out of his hand with a frown.

"I think the smell of the fruit itself's gone to your brain and made you hyper-paranoid, wimp. There's nothing to worry about."

"Swedes would disagree with you."

Wolfram snapped his fingers in front of Yuuri's face. "Stop obsessing with Sweden! Look, all we have to think about is where they should fine me. So long as it isn't here, there's no way anyone would even dream of suspecting the Mighty Wimp was involved."

Mighty Wimp was a much better pet name than princess, so Yuuri didn't bother getting riled. Instead he sighed and pulled his hair; it was his mother's folk remedy to alleviate a headache, and he needed all the alleviation he could get. _It's not a simple situation! There'll be policemen involved, and maybe even tracker dogs and phone taps and helicopters and blood tests and bugs and things!_

"Now Wolf," Yuuri said, trying to keep bursting anxiety to an absolute minimum. "Don't you think a lot of important people will want to know what happened these past few days? What do you tell them? And I'm scared that Conrad will stab your boss or something, because you disappeared on your way to work and neither of your brothers are very... sane right now."

Wolfram crunched little Oreos with a thoughtful look, before shifting to gnaw on his spoon. The blond had never quite grown out of his habit of teething; pen caps were mangled carcasses by the time he was done with them.

"I was just thinking that I won't say anything; PTSD or something, make big googly eyes at people, smile heroically. Then everyone will let it slide, so long as I'm okay."

"Wolfram, the police wouldn't stop an investigation just because you can lay the charm on thick!"

The blond returned to his breakfast after patting Yuuri's hand warmly.

"Then I'll just make teary eyes at Gwendal and say I don't want to talk to the nasty policemen. Then they'll be the ones with Conrad after them. Or worse yet," Wolfram's expression turned dark. "My _mother._"

Yuuri had a mental image of Conrad in full fencing gear racing after a patrol car shouting "Halt, in the name of the brother of Bielefeld!"

Celi would be right behind a sprinting Conrad, standing in an open-top jeep with Fan Fan at the wheel, hollering cheers of encouragement over a megaphone and smiling the way Wolfram smiled when he was in the mood for being a milder sort of evil.

He tried to hold his laughter, but it forced its way out as a strangled giggle. It would not be unthinkable for the two to behave that way. Gwendal was probably zooming up above in a micro-flyer, observing the chaos below with a grim smile.

"See? They're scary people!"

"Someone sounds very happy with his family suddenly," muttered Yuuri, smacking the side of his head in the hope of removing the look of terror on the pursued policemen from his mind.

Wolfram was done with his cereal and lifted the bowl to his lips, glugging down Oreo-flavoured milk and crunching the dregs of broken cereal.

"Hmmm, I do, don't I?" He smiled his brightest smile, and Yuuri barely managed to restrain himself from clutching his heart and weeping at the prettiness of it all. "Wow. So this is what it feels like to like your family." The blond rubbed his chin in contemplation. "It's... nice. Like I'm a super-spy who's gotten caught, through no fault of my own, of course, and a bunch of other spies that I thought didn't like me because of my super-ness actually really care about me and have come to rescue me from the clutches of the evil Mighty Wimp!"

"Sounds like the making of an action movie, Wolfram."

"I'll have my people call your people about story rights."

"I don't have people!"

The blond shrugged it off as though that was the most minor point in their slightly unhinged conversation. "Don't mind sharing, wimp. Basically, just have faith in me, alright? Whatever story I tell them, they had better believe it or I'll pretend to, like... go mute in shock, or something. We'll be _fine._"

Yuuri did his best impressions of a Hush Puppy, eyes drooping like the weight of the world hung from them. Over the years he had gotten better at telling when things would go horribly wrong; his sense of foreboding was so accurate that it sometimes felt like there was a little bird that would fly around in his mind shouting "Bad Omen!" a la a cuckoo announcing the hour.

There was a little blue bird squawking its voice box out in his head right now.

"I have a feeling all of this'll unravel and somehow, _somehow_ hit me in the face!"

Wolfram waved it into unimportance.

"Like that's something to be worried about. If it hits you in the face, you can rest assured I'll be scarred right next to you, wimp. It's _all_ my fault anyway, if Gwennie even _tries_ to think of any funny business to do to you _if_ we're found out, I'll shout at him constantly until he's too disorientated to do anything. You have my word on that."

_Ha! I confess silly feelings to him and get accepted, and he thinks I'd let him get in any way hurt by any of this? I might be a wimp and mortally scared of Gwendal, but the least I could do is make sure he doesn't even get a slight concussion from the outcome of this craziness!_

Yuuri smirked to himself with pride at how awesome he would be at defending Wolfram. The blond noticed and nearly groaned out loud.

Yuuri was a _wonderful_ person, no doubt about that, sweet and kind and loving. But still he wouldn't trust the Oriental to set up an effective defense against invading _butterflies_, because every attempt Yuuri had made thus far in their long, long relationship to be the knight instead of the damsel in distress had resulted in Wolfram having to pull up his skirts and rush in to kick the dragon's head in before Yuuri lost a vital region.

_I appreciate the wimp wanting to be a hero, it's a little cute even, but there is hopeless dreaming, and then there's Yuuri attempting to execute an effective rescue of any kind._

But credit deserved to be given where credit was due, and Wolfram appreciated the fact that you had to have a special kind of soul to always insist on helping despite a life-long track record of falling short of the mark.

So the blond smiled his brightest smile, the kind he had been told negated the purpose of having the flash setting on a camera, and cackled internally when Yuuri blinked (it was impossible to look directly at Wolfram's lips when he smiled like that. Even staring directly at the sun offered less risk, and this was a proven fact. Ask Yuuri).

"And if things get really out of hand, there is no doubt in my mind you would handle the situation so that the least number of people get hurt. You'd use your special Wimp power, Yuuri, and even back-dated bad karma can't defeat _that._"

Words, like performance-enhancing drugs, had an immediate effect on the physique when applied correctly. Yuuri's back had never been straighter, and his chest had never been as puffed up with pride as it was now under his pajamas. Words had power, and hearing a sort-of compliment from Wolfram's lips gave Yuuri what felt like enough energy to tackle a grizzly to the ground. An immediate, burning feeling that _yes, I can do this! This will end well!_

The situation felt… _too_ perfect though, whispered the small, rational member of the consortium that made up Yuuri's conscious thoughts. Wolfram always insisted he could handle any situation, no matter how dire, by himself. To be included and praised as someone who could come to the rescue wasn't something that happened, because Wolfram _did_ insist on tackling everything alone.

Yuuri eyed the blond with a thoughtful frown, and Wolfram cocked his head in confusion.

"What, wimp?"

Speaking slowly to make sure he had the words he wanted in the right order, Yuuri said, "Do you really mean that I could rescue us both if things went bad, or are you just being nice when really, you have no intention of getting me into trouble if it was your trouble and you don't want to share?"

Despite much thought, Yuuri suspected his message was a little garbled. It was a testament to how well they understood each other that Wolfram got the message perfectly clearly.

And even more surprisingly, with a little bit more thought Wolfram realised something he hadn't thought possible. _This can't be true... God, I've been beaten by Wimp magic again._

The serious slant to those green eyes told Yuuri that Wolfram meant what he was about to say.

"Partly I said it to make you feel happy. It's what partners do for each other, wimp, so I wanted to do it. But really... I _do_ believe that if things get too bad for me to handle by myself, well.... I'm surprised to say it, but I have this feeling that you really _can_ save us all, when you really have to. I don't know Yuuri, maybe I've gone soft from not working so long, but I honestly mean it. If somehow the cops find out and things go very wrong, I _know_ you'd be able to... fix everything."

Wolfram was frowning now too, though he wasn't angry. Just thoughtful.

"Because if there's one thing I learned from all this, wimp, it's that my family love me. But the second thing, and it's a really close second, the second thing is... You really can make things better. So yes wimp, I think it's actually possible that one day you'll be the one getting me out of trouble. And today might even be that day. Because you're Yuuri and I'm Wolfram and I love a lot more things now than I used to, and that's amazing too."

_Oh my God, Wolfram's learned the art of delegation, and he's being so... Wolfram about it!_

Yuuri could barely stop himself from lunging across the table and tackling Wolfram into a hug. Trust was no issue, but Wolfram was _renowned_ for _never_ depending on anyone for anything. He was the one who famously drove himself to the Emergency Room after breaking his hand rescuing a colleague from a falling granite mortar, even insisting on filling in the forms by himself with a throbbing hand.

Knowing that he figured in Wolfram's contingency plan, and that the blond had thought about what Yuuri could contribute to their little scheme... That's one giant leap for everyone involved.

The black-haired boy grinned crookedly in reply. It was a nice feeling, to have his favourite blond in the world figuratively leaning on him. The weight of that trust was reassuring, gave strength, even. Yuuri felt giddy with exhilaration he couldn't explain because despite being more _human_, Wolfram was still Wolfram and would not appreciate having the fact that he _could not_ do it all repeated.

"You make me feel like a super-hero when you talk like that Wolf."

The blond snorted.

"I make myself feel like a wimp when I talk like this. You'd better not let word get out that I've become so... _dependent,_ Yuuri, or I'm afraid I'll have to kill you, boyfriend or not."

Yuuri scowled.

"Of course I won't tell anyone!" _Because if you need someone to depend on, I prefer for it to always be me. I'm a selfish wimp, but I think I'm allowed to be a little cunning for once!_

"You better not".

* * *

A/N: For ryn, without whom I wouldn't have posted so fast. Uh, next chapter may be the last. I'm still writing it so I can't confirm anything, but it feels like there's maybe 2 chapters max, after which I doubt I'll write a long fic for KKM again. So, do enjoy everyone! I'd be delighted to finish this before the end of the year, guys.


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